Reflection: Perspective is a wonderful thing. One of the gifts of growing older is that you’ve seen a few things, experienced a few things and, hopefully, learned a few things along the way.
And, so it was with interest, that I watched the answers roll in to a question posted by a friend on Facebook. She was marking her 50th birthday with a bit of reflection. Looking back she pondered what kind of advice she might have given to her 20 year old self and invited her FB friends to share their suggestions
There was no shortage of responses to this ‘If I’d known then what I know now kind of question’. Here are some of the suggestions: Stay present. Stay fearless forever. Stop and think before you act. Have fun. Take more risks but don’t be impulsive. Don’t worry about others opinions of you -your opinion of yourself is the most important. Never settle for anything less than you deserve. You’re not gonna believe how great it’s gonna be. Buy nicer underwear!
Although there were a handful of possibilities that came to mind for me, in the end I settled on: ‘All will be well!’
‘All will be well’ reflects these life lessons I’ve learned along the way: (more…)
Pause Gem #26 – Lift Up Your Eyes
August 21, 2013
Reflection & Action: The motto of the University of Calgary (where I studied for my Masters degree in Continuing Education) reads “MO SHUILE TOGAM SUAS”. It’s a Gaelic phrase taken from one of the psalms. Translated, it means: “I will lift up my eyes.” What an inspired call to action!
Participants in the seminars that I lead tell me their overloaded days are often spent heads down – not eyes up. With noses to the grindstone, preoccupied with tasks and details, they wade their way through each day’s responsibilities, fretting about the details.
If that’s true for you, try shifting that practice just a smidge. As you move through your day, take a moment here and there to lift up your eyes. Step out of the car – lift up your eyes. Step out of a meeting – life up your eyes. Tune in to the bigger picture and the reason you are about to pursue the tasks at hand. There is always a broader, higher, deeper purpose. (more…)
PAUSE – 13.24 – Are You Present to the Presents?
June 19, 2013
Reflection: How present are you to the everyday gifts of your everyday world? That’s what I asked myself after last week’s activities. And, on reflection, I noticed that every experience brought with it something to savor.
Tuesday’s commitment – facilitating a team retreat – took me on a trek to north-east Saskatchewan – a 3 hour drive each way. I realized as I traveled, what a treat it is to cruise through the spring greening of the crops in the country. The sun in the sky, an interview with Joni Mitchell on the radio, fresh coffee at hand…it was beyond pleasant. The gift of a road trip!
The planning committee for Wednesday’s engagement (an Art of Insight presentation for the Leadership Saskatoon Alumni) went all out to make their guests feel at home. Personal greetings at the door, rose bowls replete with flowers and paint brushes on the tables, tasty nibbles, and a very inclusive welcoming atmosphere! The gift of hospitality!
On Thursday, I joined a group of close friends and colleagues for conversation and dinner. We’ve been meeting a few times a year for a decade to support each other in our lives and businesses. We problem solve, strategize, laugh, cry, and generally lift each other’s spirits. They are GEMS, every one of them. The gift of being known and appreciated warts and all!
Friday, I facilitated another team retreat. The session design was highly interactive. I learned again that when people connect deeply to each other and commit to the focus at hand, more energy is created than consumed. The gift of engagement!
Reflection: Have you ever walked alongside someone whose stride was much longer or shorter than yours? Have you ever partnered on a project with someone whose pace was entirely mismatched to yours? They moved, spoke and concluded everything in a flash – or they ambled, pondered, and decided waaaay toooo sloooowly for your comfort?
If you have, chances are that you know first hand the frustration of trying to keep up or the irritation of needing to slow down.
Our set points vary one from another; and they may shift over time. Life experiences can temper our choices along the way. If we’re paying attention, through trial and error, we learn when we need to give a person or an issue more room, and when the time is ripe to urge to action.
In any given situation or relationship, the ‘right’ pace energizes, while the ‘wrong’ pace exhausts. And, of course, it’s all terribly subjective and situation specific.
When lives are on the line (think fire or medical emergency), a fast paced response is essential. But not everything we face falls in that urgent category – even though much is presented that way.
There’s a leadership style known as ‘Pacesetting’ that invigorates some and frustrates others. Pacesetters are notorious for setting very high performance standards and modeling them for others. That’s not necessarily a bad thing – except that pacesetters tend to be obsessively high on expectations and perilously low on empathy. Without empathy, this kind of leadership may not even register – much less respond to – the stress that others experience along the way.
Action: So, how do you put these ideas about pace to work? (more…)
PAUSE – 13.19 – Keeping The Grunt Work From Grinding You Down!
May 15, 2013
Reflection: I spent much of last weekend in the garden. Raked the leaves out of the beds and corners. Mulched them with the mower. Added them back to the soil. Trimmed last year’s dead foliage from around the new growth on the perennials. Picked up the branches the winter winds stripped from the trees. Hauled perennials, buried in their pots, from the beds where they’d spent the winter. Hosed the spring dust from the trees and decks.
Do I love doing this stuff? Not really! As much as I try to approach it in a mindful way with an appreciative mindset, in truth, it’s dusty, dirty, back bending (sometimes back breaking) work.
What I DO love, though, is the result. It’s rewarding to see things set back in order once more; and it’s energizing to know that I’ve set the scene for good things that lie ahead.
I love the fresh growth, the new shoots, and the blatant optimism of bulbs which, having weathered the winter, push through bravely the ground. Most of all, I love the promise of color and beauty that lie ahead. And, that’s why I do the work.
I’m pretty sure – even if you’re not a gardener – that you’ve got plenty of grunt work in your world, too. Maybe it’s the demolition before a renovation. Could be something physical like a kitchen reno, or something cerebral like a remake on your business website. Maybe it’s the research legwork before launching a new product, designing a new program, or entering a new market.
Grunt work is rarely glamorous or engaging in itself, but it’s an investment that can take us someplace we really want to go.
Action: How do you pull yourself through the obligatory grunt and groan to the eventual great and grand? These four strategies can help: (more…)
PAUSE – 13.18 – So, Are You Happy?
May 8, 2013
Reflection: There’s nothing like a good question to draw attention to what makes life worthwhile. And, for the record, that question is NOT: “So, are you busy?”
Far too many conversations in our stressed out, revved up world start just that way. We connect with a colleague at work, bump into an old friend at the grocery store, or meet a neighbor on the street. Before we even think about it, we’re automatically asking, “So, are you busy?”
It’s a question that usually generates a lengthy recounting of activities done and undone. Recounting the proverbial to do list seems to be a common way to establish our value and justify our existence on the planet.
Oddly enough, when you ask people to consider what really matters in life, the things that show up most often don’t relate much to the stuff on those to do lists that we fret so much and sweat so often.
What’s most meaningful and energizing relates more to relationships, to adventure, to a deep sense of connectedness and purpose – not to today’s to-do’s.
Action: If that is where more meaning lives, why not change the focus of our conversations? Why not start asking each other these questions instead: (more…)
PAUSE – 13.16 – Where Might Imperfect Be More Than Enough?
April 24, 2013
Reflection: One of life’s great stressors is the drive to make things perfect. Sure, there are circumstances where perfection matters. Defusing a bomb and fixing an aneurysm come to mind.
Now, I don’t know about your world, but those tasks have never been part of my everyday life. As I heard someone observe recently, not everything we do is ‘rocket surgery’!
What I do see is a lot of time and effort invested in perfecting that last 10 or 20% whether it’s writing the perfect report or maintaining an immaculate home.
There is a time to improve our skills and advance our performance by applying a critical eye to the task at hand. But it will be a joyless painful journey if we are perpetually bent on perfection – ever at the mercy of a critical mind.
Poking holes in progress is a hurtful inclination if we don’t stop to embrace and appreciate where we have come from and what we have accomplished – however imperfect it may be.
Early in my attempts to paint with watercolors, I made a lot of mud – mud being the painterly term for ‘greyed out colors lacking contrast and shape’.
What I’ve come to understand is that many who do not paint themselves consider even minor mud a masterpiece. We stand in in awe of what others attempt, simply because we can’t imagine ourselves having the courage or skill to give it a try.
Don’t be too quick to discard, reject, or condemn the results of your own efforts. There is often a place for less than perfect outcomes. In fact, a certain quirkiness may bring value of its own.
Japanese potters practice the art of Kintsugi – mending broken objects by filling the cracks with resin sprinkled with powdered gold. They believe that objects with their own imperfections and history become more beautiful – not less.
Action: So, here’s a question to pause and ponder today. Where, in your life, might imperfect be more than enough?
Reflection: Oprah came to town this week. And, although I’m neither a devotee nor an uber-fan, I bought a couple of tickets for the show. I thought it would make a great mother-daughter night out (and it did). And, as a speaker, I was curious to see how she presented herself and what messages she chose to share.
Oprah excelled at creating an intimate connection with a crowd of 13,000 people. And that’s no easy feat! Some of that success springs from sheer familiarity. It also comes from her openness in sharing who she is, the road she’s travelled and what she’s learned along the way. And much is due to her ability to simply be in the moment. Who else would have the moxie or confidence to admit to that many people in that kind of setting that she’d chosen the wrong bra for her outfit of the evening?
Candor aside, one of Oprah’s strongest messages centered around the need for each of us to tune in our purpose in life. She noted that the threads of purpose show themselves early, and surface often. Even as a preschooler, she had plenty to say and the confidence to stand and deliver. Her grandmother observed, “That girl’s got a way with words!” That was her first thread. Others followed.
She got me thinking about the threads of my own life. I, too, was enthralled by words – an early reader who couldn’t get enough of books. I soon wrote my own poems and stories – the pre-courser to books that came later. I loved a platform and a stage – from oratory contests to chairing councils, clubs, and events. And, I lived to create things – hammering together ‘furniture’ from orange crates and peach boxes (yes, they were wooden back then), paint-by-number artwork, gardening, sewing, and on it went.
Looking back, it’s easy to see the parallel threads of communication and creativity. They were there, had I been paying closer attention along the way. At the time, the path forward never really seemed that clear.
Action: Daniel Pink describes three intrinsic motivators as central to our lives: a sense of purpose, the opportunity for mastery and, a degree of autonomy. Following the lead of the threads of our lives taps into all three.
Here’s an invitation for you to do a little weaving of your own. (more…)
PAUSE – 13.13 – What’s New In Your World?
April 3, 2013
Reflection: It was a lively chaotic commotion-filled people-rich Easter weekend here for the Katz family.
We hosted ‘Baby’s First Tea Party’ on Saturday to introduce our new grandson to the neighbors and extended family. About 30 people joined us through the afternoon including five babies and two preschoolers. It was mayhem in its most delightful wonder-full form. On Sunday, a slightly smaller group – with almost as many little ones – congregated at my sister’s home for Easter dinner.
The last decade of gatherings saw our collective offspring move through the angst of the late teens and early twenties and into the excitement of partners and marriages. It is an absolute delight to see the circle of life take another turn.
We now find ourselves knee deep in soothers, rattles, bottles, diapers and all the paraphernalia of modern babydom. How amazing it is to watch these new moms and dads find their legs as parents. And, how rewarding for those of us a little further around that circle of life to engage in gleeful rounds of ‘Pass The Babies’.
Engaging with new life in all its forms holds such power and energy. Holding a baby in your arms. Admiring the newborn calves kicking up their heels in the pasture. Following the progress of the spring crocuses and tulips as they poke their noses through the warm earth. Welcoming an intern or young summer staff member to an established workplace. Launching a new product or service in a not-so-new business.
There is something undeniably invigorating about new beginnings and fresh starts.
Action: If parts of your life seem stale and much seems old hat (been there…done that), now might be a very good time to connect with something or someone new to jumpstart and rekindle your enthusiasm for life.
What’s it going to be for you? Keep your eyes and your mind open. Novelty awaits. And with it comes fresh energy and renewed enthusiasm. What awesome gifts! (more…)
Yeah, you! If you’re the one with the endless list of things to do. The one who always volunteers for that last minute job, chairs the committees, works the extra shifts, hauls the kids, hosts the socials, and generally goes the extra mile!
Yeah, you! If you’re the one who puts yourself at the bottom of those lists in invisible ink. The one who makes sure everybody else leaves on time, remembers their vitamins, books their vacations, and gets those pats on the back.
Might you be feeling just a tad overwhelmed by all you’ve undertaken or a tad under-valued from being taken for granted?
Well, stop right there! It’s time for a glance in the mirror and a heart to heart chat!
Whether you realize it or not, you matter! And not just because of all you do in support of those around you. You matter simply because you’re who you are and that you’re here. And, by the way – you are enough!
Whether you hear it from others or not – you do make a difference in the lives of those around you. Just don’t be making that contribution from a feeling of lack, an overactive sense of duty, nor at the expense of your own wellbeing! Take care of you, too!
