Life Balance

Reflection: Loss of opportunity – imagined or real – small, medium or large – can be a stressful thing. More than once in my life I’ve been frustrated by an outcome – or lack thereof – only to discover that what ended up happening was just as good or better. Maybe that’s happened to you, too.

I recently ‘lost’ a potential speaking engagement that I was eager to undertake and thought was a sure thing. As it turned out, on the scheduled day of the event, the weather delivered freezing rain and ice-glazed roads.

Had the contract come through, I would have been facing a treacherous drive or a tough decision about whether to go or not. In the end, I was content to be spending the day in my office, safe and dry.

We recently made a special trip for breakfast to a top chef’s restaurant. Featured attraction: eggs benny on a salmon cake. Mmmmm. My mouth watered in anticipation and then soured in disappointment. A glance at the menu and a word from the server confirmed that this was a weekend brunch special. We’d missed it by a day.

After a brief pout, I reset my expectations and ordered another breakfast specialty: carbonara flatbread. It turned out to be a delicious treat I would otherwise have missed.

I could go on – as could you – with examples of disappointments far more serious and far more trivial. But, I’m sure you get the drift.

Action: The ability to make peace with disappointment and embrace what arrives in its place is a keystone of resilience and an antidote to stress. Too strong an attachment to preconceived notions about how things were supposed to go (or should have been) will keep you stuck every time. (more…)

Welcome to the first in a six part series of short (3 minute) videos that explore the new topic I’ve been developing: Rekindling The Spark – Navigating Mid-Life Malaise.

Today’s focus: Malaise – What Is It Anyway? Other topics in this series will be released in the weeks ahead. For details on what’s coming up, see below.

Just click on the image below to access the video for this episode. Enjoy!

Watch for upcoming PAT ANSWERS Videos in this series:

• Episode #2: Malaise – Who cares? Why does it matter?
• Episode #3: Malaise – Isn’t it just an ‘old folks’ problem?
• Episode #4: Malaise – How do people deal with the challenge?
• Episode #5: Malaise –  What can you do to find your way through?
• Episode #6: Malaise –  How do you help those caught in the grip?

NEWS NOTES:

Engagement Series – I’m partnering with the Edwards School of Business at the University of Saskatchewan to deliver three spring sessions as part of a brand new Engagement Series. Sessions include: Fueling Enthusiasm, Boosting Energy & Tapping Passion. Sign up for one or save a bundle by registering for all three. This link takes you to the Engagement Series Info.

Pick Me – Are you one of the 94 Pause readers who have already entered your name in the draw to celebrate my 30 years in biz? If not, you’ll find the scoop on the three prizes and entry details at Celebrating The Leap.

Reflection: I’ve noticed that one thing that keeps me from saying yes to a new opportunity or direction (be it a volunteer request, work task, or membership) is the feeling that having signed on, I’ll be locked in F-O-R-E-V-E-R. The prospect of forever gets heavy in a hurry!

And, so, I’m playing with the idea of looking at life’s opportunities more as a series of projects – or experiments – each with a beginning, a middle and an end.

For example, I gifted myself with a pair of Nordic walking poles to start the new year. And, I set myself a project goal of taking them out for a hike on each of the first 28 days of the new year. Not forever – just for 28 days. And, so I did! And so it’s done. Not that I won’t do more…but it’s an option – not a burden.

I’ve set myself the goal of creating a series of 12 paintings under the umbrella theme of ‘Simple Pleasures. I’m halfway there, and enjoying the fact that experimenting with these images is neither a life sentence nor an endless commitment. It’s just plain fun at the moment.

This year, I’m planning to continue publishing Pause in the traditional format (like this) every second week. To spice things up, in the weeks in between, I’m going to play with a series of projects. First up will be a series of six short videos under the umbrella title, Pat Answers. They’ll explore questions readers have raised about the challenges of malaise and rekindling life’s spark.

What projects and experiments will follow remains to be seen. But there’s one thing I know for sure. I feel lighter already! (more…)

My Thoughts: Well, truth be told, there is no Fred. It just rhymes so well, I couldn’t resist!

However, there was indeed a date with TED. On October 24^th here in Saskatoon, I delivered a TEDX talk titled: Lighting A Spark – Navigating Mid Life Malaise.

My gift to you today, is the link to that message. A click of either the image or the title will take you to the video.

What’s it about? Causes of malaise, common responses, a three-step process to help you navigate your way through life’s transitional fog, and examples of others who are making their way to what comes next.

Grab a coffee. Take a look and give a listen.

Your Thoughts: I hope the ideas in the video help you think more deeply about rekindling your own spark when your fire grows dim.

I welcome your comments, reactions and insights. Fire away!

News Notes: Since delivering this 17-minute TEDX talk, I’ve expanded the message into a 60-90 minute keynote. With more time, I’m able to explore how this issue plays out in organizations, how we can support others as they attempt to rekindle their sparks, and to share more real life examples of ways that people restore excitement and engagement to their lives. (more…)

My Thoughts: I’m all for optimism and uplifting thoughts, but sometimes they don’t come easy, and sometimes simply choosing happy may not serve us well in the long run.

As we’ve seen with the recent terrorist attacks in Paris and so many other places in the world, frightening and unexpected events drop into people’s lives with no warning and dire consequences.

Those experiences fuel reactions and feelings that aren’t easily sidelined by substituting light and uplifting thoughts. Nor should we expect that to be the case.

A wise friend recently reminded me that sometimes we need to pause in the shadows to touch a fear that is all too real and oh so present. It matters that we take the time to be with those tougher emotions and not just speed through them or try to avoid them on our way to a lighter, brighter place.

A deeper understanding of what matters most to us springs from being present to both the dark and the light. (more…)

Reflection:  When I deliver sessions on overload and overwhelm at work and in life, these are questions that often arise. Maybe you’ve asked them yourself!

• Why can’t I focus in the midst of distractions?
• Why do I keep interrupting myself, even when I’m on a roll?
• Why do I feel exhausted at the end of my day?

The answers vary. But there is one modern habit that definitely contributes to these experiences – our 3D habit of Digital-Dipsy-Doodling. (I love that phrase – and wish I could take credit for it, but I can’t. See resources of the week for the origin and two articles that say more about this experience.)

You may well be familiar with 3D behavior, yourself. It’s the practice of jumping around between email, twitter, facebook, instagram, and the many other diversions of the web at large.

Why do we do it? It could be FOMO – fear of missing out. Or, it could be (as neuroscience suggests) that fresh doses of info send zingers of dopamine to the brain. Dopamine feels good. And, so, we Dipsy-Doodle – again and again – moving ever further away from what we had initially set out to accomplish.

While we are busy jumping around like grasshoppers on Red Bull, we may not even be aware that all this switching takes energy. The more we leapfrog, the less we accomplish, and the more exhausted we feel.

Doped up and depleted was probably not how any of us envisioned our days unfolding. Welcome to the downward spiral of digital distraction!

Action: So what’s a busy body to do? (more…)

My Thoughts:

Peer pressure can be a formidable force through childhood and the teen years. And, it continues to be a presence as we move into our careers and through our adult lives.

As colleagues deliver webinars, package on-line learning, crank out manifestos and e-books, and travel hundreds of thousands of miles a year … I find myself pressed to join in the frenzy.

Then I remember to listen to the voice of my own longings, and realize that I don’t really want to do all those things. I remind myself that I can pick and choose the ones that fit, and let the rest flow by. Not every task is mine to do.

Your Thoughts:

Are there things you find yourself grasping for that you know at your core you don’t really want?  Could you make a different choice? (more…)

Reflection: One of the most frequently referenced sources of advice about how to live your life is Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. ‘Start with the end in mind’ is one of those habits.

It’s a laser-beamed and focused approach that’s not without its challenges. Most notably you have to come up with the ‘end’ – the big idea or the grand life purpose – depending on the scale you’re working on. And, you risk overlooking opportunities of iinterest that lie closer at hand.

There’s another approach we could take as well – that of simply being more aware of our current state and the call or appeal of the opportunities that sit directly in front of us.

Those choices are echoed in author Stephen King’s observation that there are two ways to write a book. You either start with your outcome in mind and write in that direction, or you come up with a situation that has tension and see where your imagination takes you. You let the characters respond and the plot unfold. (more…)

Reflection: I’ve long been a fan of Daniel Pink’s work on motivation (and have occasionally featured his ideas in previous Pause messages). So, it was a great thrill for me to meet him and hear him speak when I served as MC for last week’s Saskatchewan Human Resource Association Conference.

It’s not often that you hear an author tell you to skip a chapter in his previous book, because his thinking has changed. But, tell us he did!

If you’re not familiar with Pink’s model of motivation, here’s a recap.

Pink believes that we are intrinsically motivated (from the inside out) by three things:

• Purpose (participating in something meaningful and larger than ourselves)
• Autonomy (being in charge of our choices)
• Mastery (desire to get better at something that matters)

What has he changed his mind about? (more…)

My Thoughts:

A recent weekend was chuck full of responsibilities, errands, duties, tasks, tidying, scrubbing, chores, jobs and more jobs. You name it, we did it! With a full life of your own, I’m sure you know what I mean.

It would have been easy to spend those hours in a state of irritation. I’ve done that in the past.

However, this time around, I decided to switch it up. I held this idea in mind instead: I’m grateful that I have a home to clean, a garden to maintain, and the strength to do both.

Same number of hours – totally different experience! (more…)