EDITOR’S NOTE: This year, during the months of July and August, your weekly Pause messages will feature the ‘Best Of Pause’ – readers’ favorite messages from the earliest years of the Pause e-zine. Featuring the Pause Gems will give me a bit of a breather to regroup, research, and develop some great new material. It will also introduce our more recent subscribers to some of those early gems.
Whether you are a long time subscriber, or new to our list, I sincerely hope you enjoy these messages. Have a wonderful summer. I’ll be back again in September with your regular Pause format featuring all new info and resources.
REFLECTION & ACTION: According to a Priority Management survey of 3,000 North Americans, Europeans, and folks from “Down Under,” only 5 percent report that they feel a sense of personal accomplishment at the end of each day.
Even though 80 percent of these respondents work more than 40 hours a week, 95 percent of the executives, administrators, and employees surveyed head out the door at day’s end feeling disappointed in themselves.
It’s been an active spring here with program design and delivery, travelling for work and pleasure, shepherding my next book through its the final stages of design, and tending the yard and garden. As a result, I’ve been feeling twinges that tell me I’m growing out of touch with friends and family.
And so, over the last few weeks I’ve been consciously making efforts to reach out – to act on those urges to reconnect. When J left email and phone messages on my birthday, I called her back and we had a great voice to voice visit that ended in plans to get together later this summer. When C responded to the contents of a Pause message with an email message carrying news of her own, I picked up the phone and we had a great half hour catching up voice to voice.
When I realized how long it had been since L and I had visited, on spec that she might be in town, I called to see if she was up for lunch. She was, we did, and I remembered why face to face visits and time spent with friends are so uplifting and affirming. When I noticed my sister in Saudi had just posted a message to Facebook, I messaged to see if she was free. She was, and we enjoyed a one hour Skype visit – voice to voice and face to face – catching up on each other’s news.
In every case, I ended up delighted with the exchange that followed from acting on that urge to reconnect. And, I’m feeling much more in touch and in tune.
ACTION:
With whom are you longing to connect? Who is so often on your mind and on your radar, but so rarely on your call list or social calendar?
Pick one person. Make that call. Lift your spirits – and theirs.
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QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“Go often to the house of your friend; for weeds soon choke up the unused path.” – Scandanavian proverb
“Friends, family, and a quiet mind are your true wealth.” – Robert Allen
“There are people who take the heart out of you and there are people who put it back.” – Elizabeth David
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
For more good ideas on regaining balance in life, check out this HealthQuest article from WarrenShepell sharing ideas for how to Take Control Of Your Life! at http://shepellfgiservices.com/articles/takecontrol.asp
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READERS WRITE:
Last week’s Pause message, “It’s All Good…Or Is It?” generated quite a strong response. I’ve pulled together a sampling of comments and posted them all together on the Pause Blog. Hop on over for a closer read at: http://www.pauseworks.com/wp/?p=2339
REFLECTION: It’s been an active spring here with program design and delivery, travelling for work and pleasure, shepherding my next book through its the final stages of design, and tending the yard and garden. As a result, I’ve been feeling twinges that tell me I’m growing out of touch with friends and family.
And so, over the last few weeks I’ve been consciously making efforts to reach out – to act on those urges to reconnect. When J left email and phone messages on my birthday, I called her back and we had a great voice to voice visit that ended in plans to get together later this summer. When C responded to the contents of a Pause message with an email message carrying news of her own, I picked up the phone and we had a great half hour catching up voice to voice.
When I realized how long it had been since L and I had visited, on spec that she might be in town, I called to see if she was up for lunch. She was, we did, and I remembered why face to face visits and time spent with friends are so uplifting and affirming. When I noticed my sister in Saudi had just posted a message to Facebook, I messaged to see if she was free. She was, and we enjoyed a one hour Skype visit – voice to voice and face to face – catching up on each other’s news.
In every case, I ended up delighted with the exchange that followed as a result of acting on that urge to reconnect. And, I’m feeling much more in touch and in tune. (more…)
Reactions To ‘It’s All Good – Or Is It?’
June 28, 2011
Here are a few excerpts from reader replies to the recent Pause Blog Posting: It’s All Good – Or Is It? The message generated some strong feelings and thoughtful responses.
MS writes: ‘It’s all good’, I found that thought provoking. I do use that term but not at the times you describe. I find I use it when things in my life are busy but overall good. I find when things are stressful that the words I say to myself and others to get through is “this too shall pass”. This reminds me that although things are stressful now, they will get better and they will improve. I need this reminder to be patient, to try not to worry too much and to keep positive.
PJ writes: I’m glad you brought up this phrase “It’s all good”. When people say this, they are either trying to present a brave front or they are just avoiding being real. For me, this phrase has become far too common, and has progressed to the category of irritant. It’s not even sincere, because, let’s face it: it’s NOT all good. Life has its difficult moments. If people want to share the realities of their life with me, I would far rather hear them say something like, “I’ve been going through a rough patch, but doing my best to handle things.” – rather than toss off some glib little catch phrase. It’s a bit of a pet peeve for me. And you are right in advising people to examine what’s really going on when they use this line as a constant mantra.
CW writes: Sometimes people have to have an honest cup of coffee with themselves. You talk about conviction and positive thought. These are things I live by also. No one can ever be sure that the outcome will be positive but as entrepreneurs that’s what we thrive on. We are risk takers. Sometimes we are so deep in issues and stress that we can’t see the forest through the trees. I’ve been in a coaching program since 1991 where we get a 30,000 foot view on our life personally and professionally every 90 days. It’s a process that helps prevent melt downs and focuses on progress not perfection.
LC writes: Maybe after all is said and done, it is all good or at least we can say that there is great goodness that shows itself in the love and care of family friends and neighbours, even in times of darkness and despair.
JM writes: I thought I was the only one who considered “it’s all good” to be an over simplified, annoying cliché.
CB writes: This was the helpful line for me today: “Are chronic problems going untended?” The word “chronic” evokes thoughts of health for me and hit home.
LC2 writes: I tend to go with ‘everything happens for a reason’ or God never closes a door without opening a window, but you still have to keep looking up’ rather than thinking it is all GOOD. There are just some things that I cannot see as good no matter how I sugar-coat them.
RB writes: I share your concern for your friends. A lot of things have the potential for being good. But too much of a “good thing” is not necessarily good. It can be downright disastrous, for business, health, friends, and family.
Feel free to add your thoughts in response.
Here are a few excerpts from reader replies to the recent Pause Blog Posting: It’s All Good – Or Is It ? The message generated some strong feelings and thoughtful responses.
MS writes: ‘It’s all good’, I found that thought provoking. I do use that term but not at the times you describe. I find I use it when things in my life are busy but overall good. I find when things are stressful that the words I say to myself and others to get through is “this too shall pass”. This reminds me that although things are stressful now, they will get better and they will improve. I need this reminder to be patient, to try not to worry too much and to keep positive.
PJ writes: I’m glad you brought up this phrase “It’s all good”. When people say this, they are either trying to present a brave front or they are just avoiding being real. For me, this phrase has become far too common, and has progressed to the category of irritant. It’s not even sincere, because, let’s face it: it’s NOT all good. Life has its difficult moments. If people want to share the realities of their life with me, I would far rather hear them say something like, “I’ve been going through a rough patch, but doing my best to handle things.” – rather than toss off some glib little catch phrase. It’s a bit of a pet peeve for me. And you are right in advising people to examine what’s really going on when they use this line as a constant mantra. (more…)
PAUSE – 11.30 – It’s All Good – Or Is It?
June 21, 2011
REFLECTION:
I bumped into a business friend at the airport the other day, asked her how she was, and watched her promptly burst into tears. She’d hit the wall, overwhelmed by a series of business growth challenges heaped on her plate. As she outlined each challenge in turn, she punctuated each description with the phrase, “But, it’s all good!” Although working through the current stresses may well generate significant future returns, I couldn’t help but note – and worry – that each restatement of the phrase, “It’s All Good”, was accompanied by the uber-pained look of someone passing a gall stone.
Just a few days later, I listened to another colleague describe the serious health challenges being faced by several members of her family. She, too, punctuated the litany of tough situations with the phrase, “But, it’s all good. I’m learning to be more compassionate.”
And, in an online update, yet a third colleague, referenced a business disappointment and punctuated her description with the phrase, “But, it’s all good!”
Now, it could well be that all of these situations are minor glitches, temporary overloads, and short term challenges – something to be endured and embraced in the service of growth or another valued purpose. And, it’s true that a positive, optimistic spirit is a helpful mindset to hold – and even occasionally our ONLY good choice.
Still, a part of me can’t help but wonder if sometimes ‘It’s All Good!” isn’t more a statement of faith than a statement of fact. And, might continually repeating the mantra distance us from taking a closer look at the reality of our situation.
Are there serious cracks in the foundation? Are chronic problems going untended? Do turning point decisions need to be addressed? Is there another way – a better way – a less stressful way – through?
ACTION:
The next time you encounter a challenging situation and find yourself repeatedly reassuring yourself with the words, “It’s All Good!”, step aside for a moment for reflection. Whether it’s a personal quandary, workplace wrangle, or organizational puzzle, a major rethink might be in order.
Don’t let the repetition of the phrase, ‘It’s All Good!” become a pacifier that defers a problem where there is action to be taken that might well resolve it.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
There were so many interesting quotes on the relationship between illusion and reality, that I couldn’t resist gifting you with a whole whack of them. Enjoy!
“What is reality anyway! It’s nothing but a collective hunch.” – Jane Wagner
“I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time!” – Author Unknown
“Question reality, especially if it contradicts the evidence of your hopes and dreams.” – Robert Brault
“Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?” – Author Unknown
“Listening to both sides of a story will convince you that there is more to a story than both sides.” – Frank Tyger
“Reality is a palette that humans paint on to let themselves sleep better at night.” – Author Unknown
“After you’ve heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident, you begin to worry about history.” – Author Unknown
“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.” – Jane Wagner
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
I’ve long been an admirer of Dr. Gabor Mate’s work on health and wellbeing. Here’s an interesting article by Mate on the relationship between the pressure of our lives and the pressure in our bodies: http://drgabormate.com/why-they-call-it-blood-pressure/#more-235′
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READERS WRITE:
In response to the recent message on ‘Recess-itation’, Pause reader SD writes: An interesting point on recess; however kids now-a-days don’t know what to do at recess. Games of four square, skipping and dodge ball are gone. They stand around for the most part not knowing what to do. At my children’s school they allow the older kids to just stay inside and play on their iPods instead of insisting that they be active at recess. The school finds it easier than dealing with the issues that occur on the playground. Think how sad their life will be since they don’t know how to play at the age of 13.
REFLECTION: I bumped into a friend the other day, asked her how she was, and watched her promptly burst into tears. She’d hit the wall, overwhelmed by a series of business growth challenges heaped on her plate. As she outlined each challenge in turn, she punctuated each description with the phrase, “But, it’s all good!” Working through the current stresses may well generate significant future returns. Still, I couldn’t help but note – and worry – that each restatement of the phrase, “It’s All Good”, was accompanied by an uber-pained look resembling someone passing a serious gall stone.
Just a few days later, I listened to another friend describe the serious health challenges being faced by several members of her family. She, too, punctuated the litany of tough situations with the phrase, “But, it’s all good.”
And, in an online update, yet a third friend, referenced a business disappointment and ended her posting with the phrase, “But, it’s all good!”
They’re not alone, of course. I’ve said those words myself in the face of some very tough situations. Maybe you have, too.
Now, it could well be that all of these situations are minor glitches, temporary overloads, and short term challenges – something to be endured and embraced in the service of growth or another valued purpose. And, it’s true that a positive, optimistic spirit is a helpful mindset to hold – and even occasionally our ONLY good choice.
Still, a part of me can’t help but wonder if sometimes ‘It’s All Good!” isn’t more a statement of faith than a statement of fact. And, might continually repeating the mantra distance us from taking a closer look at the reality of our situation. (more…)
PAUSE – 11.29 – Recess-itation
June 14, 2011
REFLECTION:
Remember recess? Racing to the ball diamond for a game of scratch, hoping you were quick enough to nab your spot in line so you’d actually get a turn at bat before the bell rang? Dashing to the swings to pump yourself up with no teacher telling you to sit still and quit fidgeting? Screaming at the top of your lungs, “Red Rover, Red Rover, let Jimmy come over!” Or maybe just spending a quiet moment chatting with a buddy, trading secrets?
Now that we are no longer stuck in elementary school, and so much more adult, we’ve outgrown the need for recess. Or have we? Survey after survey reports that people who take a break from their daily routine to engage in activities that help them emotionally blow off steam, physically rest, socially reconnect, or mentally regroup are not only more relaxed and more engaged, but also much more productive.
Need a refresher on the research? Check out a few of the stats on the ‘What’s The Plus?’ page of the Why Balance? section of the Pauseworks Balance Centre.
ACTION:
So, if recess is part of our past, but the need for it is still present, what’s a body to do? The Big Kid, Rich DiGorilamo, suggests we resurrect the past and put it to work in the service of the present. In simple terms: Bring Back Recess.
Rich is the founder of Recess At Work Day – a day to make time to recharge and enjoy each other’s company. Scheduled for the third Thursday in June, this year, Recess At Work Day happens to fall on June 16. That would be … tomorrow! That still gives you 24 hours to scheme up an engaging break for you and your colleagues.
What to do? There are plenty of possibilities. Here are a few that spring to mind:
Balloons (animal twists or hand badminton challenge)
In-House Lemonade Stand (to raise $ for your fav charity)
Joke Swap (all in good taste of course)
Ice Cream Cones or Sundaes (complete with a cool selection of toppings)
Color Off (a new box of crayons and flip chart paper for each team)
Outdoors Meeting (Remember trying to convince your teacher to hold class outside?)
Juke Box Coffee Break (oldies tunes and specialty coffees)
Your ideas here: ………, ………, ………..
It doesn’t have to be expensive; and it doesn’t have to be complicated. Recess was never either of those things! Think simple, impromptu, easy, and fun.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes! I’ll be teetering and tottering, waiting for your reports!
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QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
“A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.” – Bill Vaughan
“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation” – Plato.
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
For more info and inspiration on Recess At Work Day, check out Rich’s website.
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READERS WRITE:
Pause Reader LV writes: “I needed you today and all I had to do was open up my newsletter…thanks.”
To which I would reply, “You are more than welcome, LV and all of you. It’s a treat to share these insights, ideas and tools with you each week. I’m delighted when you find them useful, and even more delighted when you let me know.”
REFLECTION: Remember recess? Racing to the ball diamond for a game of scratch, hoping you were quick enough to nab your spot in line so you’d actually get a turn at bat before the bell rang? Dashing to the swings to pump yourself up with no teacher telling you to sit still and quit fidgeting? Screaming at the top of your lungs, “Red Rover, Red Rover, let Jimmy come over!” Or maybe just spending a quiet moment chatting with a buddy, trading secrets?
Now that we are no longer stuck in elementary school, and so much more adult, we’ve outgrown the need for recess. Or have we? Survey after survey reports that people who take a break from their daily routine to engage in activities that help them emotionally blow off steam, physically rest, socially reconnect, or mentally regroup are not only more relaxed and more engaged, but also much more productive.
Need a refresher on the research? Check out a few of the stats on the ‘What’s The Plus?’ page of the Why Balance? section of the Pauseworks Balance Centre.
ACTION: So, if recess is part of our past, but the need for it is still present, what’s a body to do? The Big Kid, Rich DiGorilamo, suggests we resurrect the past and put it to work in the service of the present. In simple terms: Bring Back Recess. (more…)
PAUSE – 11.28 – Take The 33:30 Challenge
June 7, 2011
REFLECTION: I love it when seminar and conference participants share their stories and struggles with balance. It helps ease the pressure for us to hear of each other’s challenges and to know we’re not alone in our wacky responses to life’s stresses.
At a recent conference, I shared a few examples of the crazymaking things people do in their attempts to speed their way through the overloaded demands of the day. (If you’d like a refresher on this, check out my ‘Crazymaking World’ video clip on the Pauseworks website. )
During the morning break it was attendee Carol’s turn to make me laugh. She told me that when she wants to give something a half a minute in the microwave she punches in 33 seconds. She swears it’s faster to punch the same digit twice than to waste time looking for the 3 and the 0! I’m pretty sure 33 would be slightly faster. But the real question of importance is: “Does it make life slightly better?”
Carol also responded to a vignette I’d relayed of a busy parent screaming through the front door at day’s end – kicking backpacks and jackets out of the way and shouting out homework and supper instructions to the kids. Apparently this had been her style of re-entry, too, until the day her teenager asked, “Mom, do you walk through the door yelling even when there’s no one home?”
It was one of those ‘hold the mirror’, ‘dagger to the heart’ moments that caused Carol to stop and take a closer look at herself through the eyes of those who matter most. (more…)
PAUSE – 11.27 – A Refocusing Trio Of Q’s
May 31, 2011
REFLECTION:
How do you know you’re racing your engine too fast? When you stop at a red light, discover you can’t remember where you were going or why, and have to pull over to call home and be reminded just what errand you are running. That’s a true experience shared by a participant in one of my recent ‘Take a Break & Get A Grip’ conference presentations.
He is way too young to slough the experience off as a ‘senior moment’. And, of course, a ‘one-of’ experience like this does not confirm early-onset Alzheimers. But…it could well be an indicator light on the dashboard of life suggesting it’s time to slow down, tune in, and focus on the task at hand.
ACTION:
The next time you start racing to and fro, speeding along with very little conscious direction or intent, jot this trio of questions on a brightly colored post-it note. Place it where you’ll be challenged to Press Pause & Think Again – and ultimately respond in more thoughtful, ‘present-to-the-moment’ ways.
What now?
Where to?
Why this?
The questions in this simple reflective focusing tool can help you tune in and keep your wits about you when you find yourself revved up and maxed out by life in the fast lane.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“We will be more successful in all our endeavors if we can let go of the habit of running all the time, and take little pauses to relax and re-center ourselves. We’ll also have a lot more joy in living.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
Check out Marianne Schnall’s article, In Times of Outer-World Overload, Take an Inner Time-Out at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marianne-schnall/inner-time-out_b_862427.html
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READERS WRITE:
In response to my most recent message, The Burden of Bundling, Pause reader JO writes: Your article reminded me of how systems thinking can help clarify when you are in overwhelm. Everything is related to some extent in a system. We as people are interdependent. Issues in groups or teams can show up in certain places but the root cause may be somewhere else. When things get jumbled in my mind, I use this as a signal to switch from a breakdown mode to a systems mode to see the broader and more holistic picture. Rather than overwhelm, this focus on the system dynamic helps me clarify.
REFLECTION: How do you know you’re racing your engine too fast? When you stop at a red light, you can’t remember where you are going or why, and have to pull over to call home and be reminded just what errand you are running. That’s a true experience shared by a participant in one of my recent ‘Take a Break & Get A Grip’ conference presentations.
He is way too young to attribute the experience to a ‘senior moment’. And, of course, a ‘one-of’ experience like this does not suggest early-onset Alzheimers. But…it could well be an indicator light on the dashboard of life suggesting it’s time to slow down, tune in, and focus on the task at hand.
ACTION: The next time you start racing to and fro, speeding along with very little conscious direction or intent, jot this trio of questions on a brightly colored post-it note. (more…)
PAUSE – 11.26 – The Burden of Bundling
May 24, 2011
REFLECTION:
These days, merchandisers are pretty adept at bundling goods and services together in the hopes of extending one purchase into a bigger payday. A telecom will sell you a phone line and then bundle in internet service, cell phone, and unlimited long distance. At our Canadian Tim Horton’s you can purchase chili and a bun with coffee – and for another 14 cents Timmy tosses in a donut. Bundle! Bundle! Bundle!
Bundling CAN create good deals. And yet, as much of a bargain as it may be financially, bundling can also bring you more than you need or want, more than you bargained for, or, literally, more than you can chew.
The concept of bundling popped to mind as I recently listened to a colleague fret about a complicated workplace problem. It was clear that by taking one issue and bundling it together with others she was making the situation more difficult and overwhelming than it needed to be. On top of the precipitating problem with Employee A, she had layered an ongoing performance concern about Colleague B, and was already anticipating having to deal with the fallout of the situation on Employees C & D.
Truly, she had legitimate concerns in all three areas; and all would have to be addressed at some point. However, bundling them together in the moment had sent her into a tail spin. It made things much more difficult than they needed to be in dealing with the single precipitating issue. And, the resulting confusion of thoughts caused a crisis of confidence.
Once we unbundled the issues – clarified her approach to the immediate problem, identified a first step in addressing the ongoing issue, and set the third issue aside for later – calm and confidence were restored. I know she’ll excel at handling everything. She just didn’t need to worry it all at once.
ACTION:
It’s so easy for related issues to bounce around our minds, bumping into each other, bruising our ability to see clearly and think straight.
That’s when and where it’s helpful to divvy the whole mess into more manageable chunks, and determine a thoughtful order of approach.
Another mind or another person’s point of view – especially that of someone not directly involved in the situation – can be helpful.
The next time you find yourself caught up in a burdensome bundle of confusion, pause. Take a step back. Call on a bit of help. And together have a go at unbundling the situation into its much more manageable pieces.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” – Jennifer Yane
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
You might enjoy Kathy Gulrich’s article, “Overwhelm: Love It Or Leave It” at: http://www.smartlearningcenter.com/article_overwhelm.html Kathy offers five strategies for finding your way through the burden of overwhelm.
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READERS WRITE:
In response to last week’s message, Regrets – A Lost Cause, Pause reader GS writes: ” Your story about the article on the bus-lines of Paris struck a chord with me. I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve had a similar experience after a trip. Finally, I realized that I was just being reminded that I had a “button” that said I was afraid about what I might have missed out on. Now, when I find something about a place I’ve just been to, I file it under “future trips”. And, I do like you suggested: relish what I had experienced.”
REFLECTION: These days, merchandisers are pretty adept at bundling goods and services together in the hopes of extending one purchase into a bigger payday. A telecom will sell you a phone line and then bundle in internet service, cell phone, and unlimited long distance. At our Canadian Tim Horton’s you can purchase chili and a bun with coffee – and for another 14 cents Timmy tosses in a donut. Bundle! Bundle! Bundle!
Bundling CAN create good deals. And yet, as much of a bargain as it may be financially, bundling can also bring you more than you need or want, more than you bargained for, or, literally, more than you can chew.
The concept of bundling popped to mind as I recently listened to a colleague fret about a complicated workplace problem. It was clear that by taking one issue and bundling it together with others she was making the situation more difficult and overwhelming than it needed to be. On top of the precipitating problem with Employee A, she had layered an ongoing performance concern about Colleague B, and was already anticipating having to deal with the fallout of the situation on Employees C & D.
Truly, she had legitimate concerns in all three areas; and all would have to be addressed at some point. However, bundling them together in the moment had sent her into a tail spin. (more…)
PAUSE – 11.25 – Regrets – A Lost Cause !
May 17, 2011
REFLECTION: On our last morning in Paris, I step out on the narrow balcony of our hotel room for one last time to see what’s happening in the street. Directly across the way, an elderly lady in her nightgown tends her window box geraniums. Several floors below a nun heads down the street, hands extended in front of her, holding what appears to be a blackberry. On closer inspection, I see she has two thumbs firmly fixed on the open pages of her prayer book. She traces the words as she walks. Not a blackberry prayer at all – something else entirely!
A few moments later we’re riding the airport shuttle winding our way through the city to Charles de Gaulle. Near the Sorbonne, someone has placed a bright red traffic cone on the top of a statue turning an elegant aristocrat into a redheaded witch. I laugh out loud. A few blocks later, homeless man sits up in his makeshift bed on the street. With his left arm he flaps his trousers in the air (perhaps his version of doing the laundry). With a grimace and wild motions of his right arm, he wafts away the odor left in their wake. My heart pings.
At every turn, there are sights to take in and moments to note. I’m struck by how much easier it seems to stay tuned when you’ve stepped outside your everyday routine.
A day later, on my first morning back in Saskatoon, I find myself wide awake at 3:30 in the morning (near noon in Paris). (more…)
PAUSE – 11.24 – How Bad Is It, Really?
April 12, 2011
REFLECTION:
41 years ago today (April 13, 1970), Jack Swigert, astronaut on the infamous Apollo 13 mission delivered five memorable words, “Houston, we’ve got a problem!”, after an oxygen tank burst on their way to the Moon. In fact, Swigert’s actual words were: “OK, Houston. Hey, we’ve got a problem here.” But over the years and through the magic of editing, the phrase has been shortened for dramatic effect.
Once the discovery was made, and the problem identified, the Apollo mission quickly shifted from one of exploration (a third lunar landing) to survival (getting the crew back to earth alive). Imagine, however, if the flight crew and ground crew had all stayed stuck in their fear. What would have been the likelihood of a positive outcome?
It’s been years since the event itself, and it’s been years since I last saw the movie, Apollo 13. However, it’s been nowhere near that long since I witnessed someone getting severely bent out of shape about a life altering event or circumstance – myself included.
Problems come and problems go. Some of them are Apollo dramatic and truly life threatening. Others are simply minor blips on the old Stress-O-Meter Radar. The challenge is one of sifting the serious challenges from the minor irritations.
That’s where a degree of thoughtfulness comes into play. The next time you face a ‘Houston, we’ve got a problem’ challenge, check to see whether you are responding from fear or thoughtfulness.
Knee jerk, fear based reactions hang out in the amygdala – also referred to as our primitive lizard brain. It’s that part of the brain that creates and stores emotional memory, senses danger, and triggers the mind and body to high alert. If we only operate from states of high anxiety, chances are good we’re not accessing the clearest thinking part of our brain.
It’s a pretty strong likelihood that Chicken Little, he of ‘the sky is falling’ fable, was largely governed by his lizard brain – racing around in circles, freely distributing fear and anxiety, to all he met.
Fortunately, although we might share Chicken Little’s panicky response to a life event, we don’t need to stay stuck in our first reaction – hijacked by the amygdala. We do need to shift our attention to the neocortex – the part of the brain that’s better known for it’s analytical and reasoning abilities.
ACTION:
How then to leave the lizard behind and get a more thoughtful take on a challenging situation?
Try these actions:
– Name the fear at the center of your response. Take a closer look at its actual likelihood.
– Reach out to someone else whose point of view you respect to help you challenge your thinking.
– Tackle a first step – one small action or exploration in the direction of a solution. Let small wins propel you forward.
– Imagine a positive long-term outcome from the challenge at hand.
– Be thankful for all the other things that seem to be on track and have not gone sideways in your life.
A fresh perspective or two can go a long ways towards getting your feet back on solid ground.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.” – Anthony de Mello
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RESOURCES OF THE WEEK:
Check out this online article: Five Steps To Managing Your Lizard Brain: http://www.devacoaching.com/2010/07/20/5-steps-to-managing-your-lizard-brain/
I’m also remembering a children’s story book that was a favorite around our house on tough days: “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” by Judith Viorst. Young Alexander learns that some days are like that – even in Australia. A fun read for old and young alike.
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READERS WRITE:
In response to last week’s message on Overwork: An Artful Life Perspective, these Pause readers write:
CH : Great advice as usual Pat. We are all artists in our own way – creating our special place in the world.
NC: Thanks for this thought provoking PAUSE . As a recovering perfectionist I found these points particularly poignant. As someone once told me, apply the KISS principal: Keep It Simple Sweetheart!
REFLECTION: 41 years ago today (April 13, 1970), Jack Swigert, astronaut on the infamous Apollo 13 mission delivered this memorable phrase, “Houston, we’ve got a problem!”, after an oxygen tank burst on their way to the Moon. In fact, Swigert’s actual words were: “OK, Houston. Hey, we’ve got a problem here.” But over the years and through the magic of editing, the phrase has been shortened for dramatic effect.
Once the discovery was made, and the problem identified, the Apollo mission quickly shifted from one of exploration (a third lunar landing) to survival (getting the crew back to earth alive). Imagine, however, if the flight crew and ground crew had all stayed stuck in their fear. What would have been the likelihood of a positive outcome?
It’s been years since the event itself, and it’s been years since I last saw the movie, Apollo 13. However, it’s been nowhere near that long since I witnessed someone getting severely bent out of shape about a life altering event or circumstance – myself included.
Problems come and problems go. Some of them are Apollo dramatic and truly life threatening. Others are simply minor blips on the old Stress-O-Meter Radar. The challenge is one of sifting the serious challenges from the minor irritations. (more…)
EDITOR’S NOTE: This year, during the months of July and August, your weekly Pause messages will feature the ‘Best Of Pause’ – readers’ favorite messages from the earliest years of the Pause e-zine. Featuring the Pause Gems will give me a bit of a breather to regroup, research, and develop some great new material. It will also introduce our more recent subscribers to some of those early gems.
REFLECTION: It’s been an active spring here with program design and delivery, travelling for work and pleasure, shepherding my next book through its the final stages of design, and tending the yard and garden. As a result, I’ve been feeling twinges that tell me I’m growing out of touch with friends and family.
REFLECTION: I bumped into a friend the other day, asked her how she was, and watched her promptly burst into tears. She’d hit the wall, overwhelmed by a series of business growth challenges heaped on her plate. As she outlined each challenge in turn, she punctuated each description with the phrase, “But, it’s all good!” Working through the current stresses may well generate significant future returns. Still, I couldn’t help but note – and worry – that each restatement of the phrase, “It’s All Good”, was accompanied by an uber-pained look resembling someone passing a serious gall stone.
REFLECTION: Remember recess? Racing to the ball diamond for a game of scratch, hoping you were quick enough to nab your spot in line so you’d actually get a turn at bat before the bell rang? Dashing to the swings to pump yourself up with no teacher telling you to sit still and quit fidgeting? Screaming at the top of your lungs, “Red Rover, Red Rover, let Jimmy come over!” Or maybe just spending a quiet moment chatting with a buddy, trading secrets?
REFLECTION: I love it when seminar and conference participants share their stories and struggles with balance. It helps ease the pressure for us to hear of each other’s challenges and to know we’re not alone in our wacky responses to life’s stresses.
REFLECTION: How do you know you’re racing your engine too fast? When you stop at a red light, you can’t remember where you are going or why, and have to pull over to call home and be reminded just what errand you are running. That’s a true experience shared by a participant in one of my recent ‘Take a Break & Get A Grip’ conference presentations.
REFLECTION: These days, merchandisers are pretty adept at bundling goods and services together in the hopes of extending one purchase into a bigger payday. A telecom will sell you a phone line and then bundle in internet service, cell phone, and unlimited long distance. At our Canadian Tim Horton’s you can purchase chili and a bun with coffee – and for another 14 cents Timmy tosses in a donut. Bundle! Bundle! Bundle!
REFLECTION: On our last morning in Paris, I step out on the narrow balcony of our hotel room for one last time to see what’s happening in the street. Directly across the way, an elderly lady in her nightgown tends her window box geraniums. Several floors below a nun heads down the street, hands extended in front of her, holding what appears to be a blackberry. On closer inspection, I see she has two thumbs firmly fixed on the open pages of her prayer book. She traces the words as she walks. Not a blackberry prayer at all – something else entirely!
REFLECTION: 41 years ago today (April 13, 1970), Jack Swigert, astronaut on the infamous Apollo 13 mission delivered this memorable phrase, “Houston, we’ve got a problem!”, after an oxygen tank burst on their way to the Moon. In fact, Swigert’s actual words were: “OK, Houston. Hey, we’ve got a problem here.” But over the years and through the magic of editing, the phrase has been shortened for dramatic effect.