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Reflection & Action:  Rituals are powerful things. Hello/goodbye, good morning/good night kisses are an everyday occurrence in my marriage. Leave takings with our daughters – by phone or in person – are punctuated from both sides with the phrase, ‘Love ya’. Our dinner grace includes a ‘Today I am thankful for…’ comment from each person around the table

Like brushing your teeth in the morning, these actions and phrases have become second nature. That doesn’t make them meaningless. Each exchange expresses deeply held values of love and appreciation.

One of the keys for bringing our values to life is turning them into rituals. If you value your health, turning a lunchtime walk into an automatic ritual breathes life into that value. If you value family, the ritual of a weekly phone call with a parent or sister keeps the connection alive. If you value the beauty of nature, the ritual of placing fresh cut flowers on your desk at work or your table at home keeps nature in the center of your everyday life. You get the picture. (more…)

Reflection & Action: The motto of the University of Calgary (where I studied for my Masters degree in Continuing Education) reads  “MO SHUILE TOGAM SUAS”. It’s a Gaelic phrase taken from one of the psalms. Translated, it means: “I will lift up my eyes.” What an inspired call to action!

Participants in the seminars that I lead tell me their overloaded days are often spent heads down – not eyes up. With noses to the grindstone, preoccupied with tasks and details, they wade their way through each day’s responsibilities, fretting about the details.

If that’s true for you, try shifting that practice just a smidge. As you move through your day, take a moment here and there to lift up your eyes. Step out of the car – lift up your eyes. Step out of a meeting – life up your eyes. Tune in to the bigger picture and the reason you are about to pursue the tasks at hand. There is always a broader, higher, deeper purpose. (more…)

Reflection & Action:  Many of my mornings begin with a walk along the beautiful South Saskatchewan River valley, just two blocks from home. My route winds past a giant boulder on the bank. It’s the perfect perch for a moment’s rest and meditation.

I recently headed out on my morning stroll, anticipating a peaceful journey. As I turned the corner, headed to the river, I discovered that some aspiring street artist had decided our fence was the perfect canvas. We’d been tagged and I was furious! Now I needed that walk more than ever.

I arrived at the river – still smoldering over the graffiti – only to make a second discovery. ‘My’ rock had also been hit by a crew of performance artists. Broken beer bottles were their media of choice. So much for the peace of the morning. Now I was really ticked off! The nerve! The disrespect!

Only after two days of intermittent fuming did it occur to me that I could choose another response. I didn’t have to remain a victim – stuck in blame and fury. I could do something to move things forward. I grabbed the sandpaper, dustpan and broom. In less than an hour I’d cleaned up both messes and made something right in the world.  My two days of needless smoldering had wasted far more than one hour’s energy.

We always have options in every arena of our lives. We can serve up Misery Stew, wallowing in anger, frustration and despair over the careless actions of others; or we can channel that energy into creative solutions and get on with our lives. The choice is yours and mine.

Quotes Of The Week: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” – Malachy McCourt

“The guy’s behaving like a jerk. How much power are you going to give him over your life?”  – Tristan Katz

“Life is a lot simpler than we make it.” – Cheryl Dougan

Pause Readers Write: Pause Reader Kathleen FD writes: My family experienced a major change with the sudden death of my younger brother. This led to a great deal of soul searching about what family means to me and how I could use this tragedy towards a positive experience. What I needed for myself and my family was more time outside of work. I approached my supervisor with a written proposal to take a cut in pay for a day off every week. This was a major request for an industry that does not embrace many of today’s ‘balancing work & family’ initiatives.

With the support of a very forward thinking supervisor, fellow staff and the owners, I have been living this arrangement for the past three years. I don’t even think of the money anymore. It has been replaced with time spent in my daughter’s grade one class, getting back to my sewing machine, and, yes, even stealing a few moments just to relax and read! Sometimes we just have to ask and be prepared to act.

Reflection & Action:  When I bought myself a bunch of flowers recently, the florist asked if I wanted a gift card to go with them. I declined, saying they were just for me.

“All the more reason to add a card, ” she declared. “I always write myself a card when I buy myself flowers.”

When I asked what she wrote, she replied, “Well, it depends on the day. Sometimes it’s … Thanks for being you. Other times it’s … Wow! You’re smart and gorgeous, too!”

We shared a chuckle. I left with the flowers AND a card in hand.

It was a simple reminder of an important lesson. The florist is someone who knows how to fill her own wellspring of appreciation. With her own spirits freshly topped up, she’s in a much better position to share her good will with others.

Do you take yourself for granted way too often? (more…)

Reflection & Action:  How much is enough? How much is too much? Negotiating reasonable loads is challenging. In fact, concerns about ‘unreasonable work expectations’ continue to top the list of complaints in my surveys on ‘frustrations with time’.

It’s not always someone else who creates overload situations. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies! However, those expectations imposed by others are also tough to handle. You may find yourself reluctant to say no and negotiate limits – especially when it involves those in authority.

It could well be legitimate that you have been asked or told to tackle a giant load of tasks. They may all be within your job description, assuming that you have one. However, not every team leader is skilled at determining workloads, and the expectation that anyone can accomplish anything and everything all at once is unreasonable. (more…)

In the mid 19th century, greedy British ship-owners overloaded their cargo holds and gleefully pocketed the insurance profits when the ships foundered and sank. Many sailors lost their lives on these ‘coffin ships’.

Samuel Plimsoll waged a battle against this practice. As a result, the Merchant Shipping Act of 1876 decreed that all cargo vessels must display the Plimsoll Line – an indicator of the limit to which they can be safely and legally loaded. Why? Because ships float at different levels depending on the warmth and consistency of the water. A ship loaded to capacity in a North Atlantic salt water port, would be in danger of riding too low and possibly sinking at a fresh water port in the tropics.

What’s this got to do with you and me? Well, modern day individuals and organizations have their limits, too. How cool would it be if each carried a Plimsoll line? You’d know when you were reaching your stability limit, and you’d also be able to see the current state of those around you.

Of course, we don’t come equipped with Plimsoll Lines. But this modern day set of indicators might offer a few clues to individual load and capacity: (more…)

Reflection & Action: Old files. Outdated products. Obsolete references. Unfashionable clothes. Petty grievances. Waning interests. Hopeless relationships.

Sometimes we just need to lighten up and clear the clutter from our lives so that we can see the way forward.

Pursuits we once enjoyed may, at some point, turn into clutter. Picture the hobbies that once consumed your interest and fueled your enthusiasm – photography, gardening, biking. You’ve amassed all the tools, equipment and supplies; and there they sit, inducing guilt – lonely, abandoned, taking up space. Where once you couldn’t get enough of the fun, now it feels like just one more thing that you should be doing.

Free stuff – samples, magazines, hand me downs – pile up, too. Just because something is free doesn’t mean you have to take advantage of the offer or hang on to it forever.

If you’ve outgrown it, move on. Sell the supplies or give the tools to someone who values them, but get them out of your way.

As sad as it may be, sometimes we need to unclutter our web of relationships as well. Some relationships are more infuriating than enhancing. Needs change. Shared interests disappear. Circumstances shift. Distance grows. Appreciate those connections for the ways they enriched your life in the past, and move on.

In the vacuum, new interests, new directions, new relationships will appear. Opportunities will arise. Your enthusiasm will grow. (more…)

Editor’s Note:

During the months of July and August, your weekly Pause blog postings will feature the ‘Best of Pause’. These are readers’ favorite messages from the earlier years of the Pause e-zine. Featuring these Pause Gems will give me a bit of a breather, and also introduce our newer subscribers to some of those early gems.

Whether you are a long time subscriber, or new to our list, I sincerely hope you enjoy these messages. Come September, your messages will once again feature all new info and resources.

Reflection & Action:  Take a close look at your to do list and a serious glance at the piles in the corner. How much of a backlog do you see?

If you are anything like the rest of us, you are anywhere from four to six weeks behind in your work. According to research reported by David Beardley, the average business person faces a backlog of 200 to 300 hours of uncompleted work.  That doesn’t even begin to consider what’s waiting for us at home or in the community.

How’s that for redefining normal? It’s little wonder you might feel overwhelmed and overloaded on any given day.

Stop giving yourself grief because you’re not all caught up. It isn’t going to happen! In fact, getting to the end of your list or reaching the bottom of your pile is more likely to be an abnormal, extraordinary, other-worldly experience. Look in the mirror and remind yourself, “You will never be done again!”

Then check today’s to do list and actions against the backlog to be sure you really are acting on what matters most. Credit yourself for the valued tasks you do tackle and complete.

Learn to see a sizeable backlog as just another normal fact of life. Don’t look at it as an Everest summit that must be conquered every day … or else! (more…)

Reflection: Does your upcoming summer vacation carry a ‘same as last year’ flavor? This might be a time to change it up a bit. Start by asking yourself this question: “What do I need most?” See what shows up in your answer.

Might you need:

• Serious solo down time with next to no demands?
• The emotional lift of reconnecting with favored friends or family?
• Spiritual renewal through a serious dose of time outdoors?
• The excitement and adventure of seeing new places and meeting new faces?
• The mental challenge of learning something new?
• Catch-up time taking care of fix-its and tasks around home?
• Couple time with a hint of romance?
• Time to dejunk and and reorganize those out-of-control spaces in your life?

Could be one or some of these or something else entirely. Of course, if you’re not on your own, family vacations usually end up being a compromise of sorts. You may have a mix of extroverts and introverts – some longing for big time socials and others for ‘me’ time. You might be a ‘major road trip’ fan partnered with a ‘hang out in one place’ person. Family traditions might dictate a visit ‘home’ at the center of every vacation – no exceptions.

So, how to get around differing – and changing – needs or preferences? (more…)

Reflection:  How present are you to the everyday gifts of your everyday world? That’s what I asked myself after last week’s activities. And, on reflection, I noticed that every experience brought with it something to savor.

Tuesday’s commitment – facilitating a team retreat – took me on a trek to north-east Saskatchewan – a 3 hour drive each way. I realized as I traveled, what a treat it is to cruise through the spring greening of the crops in the country. The sun in the sky, an interview with Joni Mitchell on the radio, fresh coffee at hand…it was beyond pleasant. The gift of a road trip!

The planning committee for Wednesday’s engagement (an Art of Insight presentation for the Leadership Saskatoon Alumni) went all out to make their guests feel at home. Personal greetings at the door, rose bowls replete with flowers and paint brushes on the tables, tasty nibbles, and a very inclusive welcoming atmosphere! The gift of hospitality!

On Thursday, I joined a group of close friends and colleagues for conversation and dinner. We’ve been meeting a few times a year for a decade to support each other in our lives and businesses. We problem solve, strategize, laugh, cry, and generally lift each other’s spirits. They are GEMS, every one of them. The gift of being known and appreciated warts and all!

Friday, I facilitated another team retreat. The session design was highly interactive. I learned again that when people connect deeply to each other and commit to the focus at hand, more energy is created than consumed. The gift of engagement!

Action:  Here’s this week’s challenge. (more…)