Reflection & Action: I caught a ride on a beautiful fall day with a cab driver who could easily have taken the grand prize for the world’s darkest outlook on life. In response to my comments on the freshness of the morning, the beauty of the autumn leaves, and the glassy calm of Wascana Lake, he responded in turn, “Frost last night – gonna make the harvest tough! Just reminds me winter’s coming! It’s never like that when I go fishing!”
I’m sure if he won a hundred thousand dollars in the lottery, he wouldn’t waste a minute celebrating. He would launch right into a litany of complaints about the uselessness of a prize that small!
Our mindset has a lot to do with our experience of the day. It is possible to shift from pure pessimism to a more optimistic response to life. It’s a matter of attention. What do you notice? What do you hang on to? How do you start your conversations with yourself and others?
As day’s end nears, and you shut down your computer, pull on your coat, or jump in the car to head home, ask yourself this simple question: “What went well today?”
Ask the same question of colleagues as you close up shop, and of family members as you gather for the evening. Yes, you’ll eventually get to the complaints, but at least the good news of the day will hold center stage and pride of place. That’s all it takes to start the shift of focus.
Quote Of The Week: “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” – Eric Hoffer
Pause Readers Write: Pause Reader, Myrna B writes: About 6 months ago our family was struggling to accept a very serious health challenge for one of my siblings. At the same time a marriage was falling apart for another sibling. My parents were so focused on the problems that they seemed to be spiraling down a vortex of negativity. Some of us were feeling they had lost site of what was wonderful in the world.
My 74 year old Dad had just purchased a computer. In a conversation with Dad, I asked him to take a step back and think about what he was grateful for and what was wonderful in the world and then to email it to me.
You know, he emailed me the next morning. He emailed the morning after that …and the next…and the next. My Dad emails me every day to share what is great and wonderful in their world. I now have a journal with this collection that I can share with everyone. It contains many memories and important events that my family may have forgotten; and it’s all about all of us as a family. I treasure this because it’s given so freely, honestly and sincerely. My parents believe this commitment to share the positive has changed their lives.
PAUSE – 13.24 – Are You Present to the Presents?
June 19, 2013
Reflection: How present are you to the everyday gifts of your everyday world? That’s what I asked myself after last week’s activities. And, on reflection, I noticed that every experience brought with it something to savor.
Tuesday’s commitment – facilitating a team retreat – took me on a trek to north-east Saskatchewan – a 3 hour drive each way. I realized as I traveled, what a treat it is to cruise through the spring greening of the crops in the country. The sun in the sky, an interview with Joni Mitchell on the radio, fresh coffee at hand…it was beyond pleasant. The gift of a road trip!
The planning committee for Wednesday’s engagement (an Art of Insight presentation for the Leadership Saskatoon Alumni) went all out to make their guests feel at home. Personal greetings at the door, rose bowls replete with flowers and paint brushes on the tables, tasty nibbles, and a very inclusive welcoming atmosphere! The gift of hospitality!
On Thursday, I joined a group of close friends and colleagues for conversation and dinner. We’ve been meeting a few times a year for a decade to support each other in our lives and businesses. We problem solve, strategize, laugh, cry, and generally lift each other’s spirits. They are GEMS, every one of them. The gift of being known and appreciated warts and all!
Friday, I facilitated another team retreat. The session design was highly interactive. I learned again that when people connect deeply to each other and commit to the focus at hand, more energy is created than consumed. The gift of engagement!
Reflection: There’s nothing like a good question to draw attention to what makes life worthwhile. And, for the record, that question is NOT: “So, are you busy?”
Far too many conversations in our stressed out, revved up world start just that way. We connect with a colleague at work, bump into an old friend at the grocery store, or meet a neighbor on the street. Before we even think about it, we’re automatically asking, “So, are you busy?”
It’s a question that usually generates a lengthy recounting of activities done and undone. Recounting the proverbial to do list seems to be a common way to establish our value and justify our existence on the planet.
Oddly enough, when you ask people to consider what really matters in life, the things that show up most often don’t relate much to the stuff on those to do lists that we fret so much and sweat so often.
What’s most meaningful and energizing relates more to relationships, to adventure, to a deep sense of connectedness and purpose – not to today’s to-do’s.
Action: If that is where more meaning lives, why not change the focus of our conversations? Why not start asking each other these questions instead: (more…)
PAUSE – 13.11 – What’s The Meaning Behind The Feelings?
March 20, 2013
Reflection: Partner a fast pace with huge expectations and minimal down time, and you’ve got all the necessary ingredients for a big old vat of ‘sweet’n’sour stress soup’.
Like steam off a stockpot, emotions will run high – guaranteed! The challenge is to know how to deal with them without getting burned.
This is where EI – Emotional Intelligence – comes into play. If it’s been a while since you were introduced to EI, or are meeting the concept for the first time, here’s a short refresher.
EI is based on Awareness and Management of feelings – within ourselves and between ourselves and others.
On the inside, how aware of you of your own emotional states, and how skilled are you in controlling your responses and managing your own reactions to events?
On the outside, how attuned are you to the emotional states of others, and how skilled are you in managing those relationships with others when feelings run high?
At the core of EI in action is the ability to tune in and name the emotions and also consider what needs they might signal.
Action: I’ve been thinking about the whole business of interpretation and wondering how we might use emotions and our insights about them as a way to guide what we do next.
Here’s an attempt to interpret the underlying meaning of a few of the emotions likely to cross our paths and minds. (more…)
Yeah, you! If you’re the one with the endless list of things to do. The one who always volunteers for that last minute job, chairs the committees, works the extra shifts, hauls the kids, hosts the socials, and generally goes the extra mile!
Yeah, you! If you’re the one who puts yourself at the bottom of those lists in invisible ink. The one who makes sure everybody else leaves on time, remembers their vitamins, books their vacations, and gets those pats on the back.
Might you be feeling just a tad overwhelmed by all you’ve undertaken or a tad under-valued from being taken for granted?
Well, stop right there! It’s time for a glance in the mirror and a heart to heart chat!
Whether you realize it or not, you matter! And not just because of all you do in support of those around you. You matter simply because you’re who you are and that you’re here. And, by the way – you are enough!
Whether you hear it from others or not – you do make a difference in the lives of those around you. Just don’t be making that contribution from a feeling of lack, an overactive sense of duty, nor at the expense of your own wellbeing! Take care of you, too!
Reflection: What’s your story? Everybody’s got one, or two, or three…or an endless supply!
For twenty years now, I’ve been writing a weekly column (13 years of Pause e-zines, and before that, 7 years of newspaper columns). Readers often ask me two questions, “Where do you get your inspiration, and aren’t you afraid of running out of ideas?” The answers to those two questions are, “Everywhere and No.”
Having an audience, a deadline, and an outlet keeps me noticing and tuned in to my surroundings. Material lives everywhere. Clients share problems, and program attendees ask questions. Ideas pop up as I browse the web, or leaf through books, newspapers and magazines.
But most importantly, things happen. Over the years, I’ve developed the habit of paying attention to everyday events as they unfold, and asking myself, ‘So What?’
Many of life’s experiences carry a bundle of insights and lessons. They’re accessible to all, if we pause to register the experience and mine the meaning.
You may not have a desire to write, or a platform from which to expound, so why would this matter to you? Because learning as we go creates a richer life experience. Because harvesting lessons on the fly keeps us from making the same mistakes over and over. And, because sharing the lessons brought by life’s experiences, gives us a way to mentor and encourage others – and remind ourselves.
The emotional tug of a great story makes a learning point more relatable and impactful. This is why organizations share stories of great customer service with their staff and clientele, and why they invest in building the storytelling skills of their leaders. This is why Aesop’s Fables and other stories have such a long shelf-life.
Memorable stories move people to thought and action – where mind-numbing lectures, endless statistics and tedious objectives fall short.
Action: Here are a handful of ways to improve your story finding and mining skills: (more…)
28 Days … 28 Gifts
February 7, 2013
Last February’s 2012 ‘heart month’ give away (29 copies of Press Pause…Think Again in 29 days) was a real hit. This year, I’m offering another chance for you to encourage others in this very tangible way.
As February unfolds I will be giving away 28 copies of my booklet: ‘Take A Bow…67 Ways to Pause For Applause, Celebrate your Success, & Keep Your Spirits High’. These will go to people YOU want to encourage.
Here’s how it works. Think of someone in your circle of acquaintance who could use a lift or who you’d like to recognize for who they are and what they do. Email me that person’s name along with a thought or two about why you’d like to give them this gift. ( info@pauseworks.com )
Use the words, Take A Bow, in the Subject line of your email message. And, include your postal address in each entry. Include only one person in each nomination message. Enter as many times as you wish.
Each day I will draw the name of one lucky recipient from the entries received. If your nominee is chosen, I will personalize the booklet in their name and send it to you so that you can have the fun of presenting it yourself.
All entries received will be included in the draw bucket right through to the end of the month. I’m excited to be helping you help others to ‘Take A Bow’. Happy February.
PAUSE – 13.05 – Contagion Is Nothing To Sneeze At!
February 6, 2013
Reflection: It’s the season of flu and ‘achoo’! We try to protect ourselves – and others – with flu shots, fist bumps, and hand washing. Still, somehow the devilish germs find a way to work their magic. Fact is, if we’re infected or afflicted, we’re contagious.
We’re emotionally contagious, too! Spend time in the company of a high-spirited individual with a positive outlook on events and an enthusiasm for life, and somehow you feel better about your world.
Spend those same hours in the company of someone whose signature color is gray, who specializes in morose and miserable, and you can easily find yourself skidding down that slippery slide into their ‘oh-so-roomy’ pit of despair.
What’s uncanny about it all is that the tendency to adjust our response or behavior to echo those of others around us is often unconscious. We may not even realize it’s happening.
For better or for worse, combine the expressed and underlying moods of everyone on a team or in a family and you’ve got the group’s collective emotional state. And that state influences morale and performance.
Team leaders need to be even more mindful about emotional state, since their influence is greater than that of a “regular” team member. I daresay this holds true for parents in a family situation, too.
Reflection: When something good happens to you, are you delighted? Or, do you find yourself anxious – certain that just around the corner looms a steep drop from a cliff or a painful kick in the shins?
Texas researcher, Brene Brown, in her studies on emotional health and vulnerability, reports that far too few of us allow ourselves to fully experience joy, love and good news. As a result, we lose out on the opportunity to fill our reservoirs for any tough times that may eventually make an appearance.
She sees people steeling themselves against possible future vulnerability in these ways:
Experiencing things joyful as a foreboding harbinger of disaster ahead.
Embracing disappointment as a lifestyle, maintaining a low-grade disconnection from life.
Not letting ourselves get excited or passionate about some thing or some one, so we won’t be let down if things don’t pan out.
Numbing emotion through extremes of eating, drinking, spending, working, and perfectionism. (All of which can be attempts to quell a sense of not being ‘enough’ – or in our fame obsessed culture, not being ‘extraordinary enough’.)
Action: What’s the alternative to cowering behind a highly polished, mega shield, firewall of synthetic invulnerability? (more…)
PAUSE – 13.02 – What Are YOU Waiting For?
January 16, 2013
Auberge De La Fontaine Balcony
Reflection: What are YOU waiting for? Something exciting? Something unnerving? Something uncertain?
In the days leading up to Christmas my five year old grandson was beside himself with anticipation, “I can’t wait to see what Santa brings me!” But, of course, he could and he did, because there was nothing to do but wait – no way to hurry the day.
My daughter is nearing the end of her pregnancy. As her due date draws near, she waits. And we wait, too. Babies take their own sweet time.
In an effort to balance the budget, a major local institution announced that jobs will be lost. Forty in January and more in April. And so, hundreds of people wait to find out whether any pink slips bear their names. They’re not in control of the timing or the decisions, and short of jumping ship in advance, there’s no way to hurry a resolution.
The challenge in the midst of the waiting game is one of staying calm. Of course, good things (like babies and gifts) are easier to await. Other things – not so much. In fact, big issues like potential job losses or major health challenges are serious indeed.
However, when the challenges aren’t that gargantuan or obvious, drumming your fingertips and scanning the skies for a sign can still be unsettling. WAIT (Why Am I Tense?) is a good question to ask. Your answers may suggest some ways to cope. What often stresses us out are the potential bad news stories we tell ourselves about things to come. Getting a handle on those is a first step. (more…)
