encouragement

Frosty The Snowman - Compliments of 5 Year Old Grandson, Ethan

For the last few years, I’ve devoted the final Pause message of December to focusing on one key idea.  Peace, joy, love, hope, kindness, and grace have all taken their turns in the spotlight.

As 2012 winds to an end, I find myself grateful for so many of the people and events of my life. And, so, gratitude steps forward to take its turn center stage.

The work of positive psychologists, like Martin Seligman, stresses the impact of gratitude on our sense of well-being. Even in the toughest of times, if you can find small blessings for which to be grateful, you can reset your emotional thermostat for comfort. That means less sweating it out in the heat of the moment and less shivering when life turns a cold shoulder in your direction.

I hope you enjoy reflecting on a few of my favorite quotes on gratitude. May you and yours find many reasons to be grateful at this time, and more throughout the year that lies ahead.

Thanks for staying tuned to the Pause message, and for sharing these ideas with family, friends and colleagues. Catch you on the flip side of the new year!

Appreciatively Yours, Pat

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings. – William Arthur Ward

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed. – Maya Angelou

What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner. – Colette (more…)

Stuck? We've all been there sometime!

Reflection: One thing for sure about the many roads of life is that no matter where you are in your travels, someone has been down that path already and someone else is just taking a first step along the way. On any given journey, we may find ourselves the experienced travel pro or the novice at the starting gate.

Whether it’s struggling with a new leadership role in the workplace, trying to figure out how best to parent a headstrong teenager, or coping with a time of life when everybody needs you – or when no one seems to need you – someone, somewhere has already worked their way through that puzzle and out the other side.

I was thinking about this the last time I took a painting workshop from my first mentor in the world of art, Cecelia Jurgens. Cecelia is a very accomplished artist and an equally encouraging instructor. Along with the samples of her current work (always inspiring), she occasionally brings along a few of her earliest sketchbooks (equally inspiring).

I’m sure Cecelia would agree that, compared to where she is now in her career, the work in those early sketchbooks isn’t quite as accomplished. And, THAT is exactly what gives those who are just starting out along the path hope that their skills, too, will grow and develop. (more…)

Reflection: A recent movie featuring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman popularized the idea of the Bucket List – a set of experiences you hope/plan/long to have before you die (AKA ‘kicking the bucket’). Bucket Lists tend to feature splashy adventures and stretch experiences – the things that dreams are made of!

I actually find another bucket metaphor equally intriguing.  It’s an idea put forward by authors Rath and Clifton who suggest that each of us owns an invisible bucket and an invisible dipper. As we move through our lives, we are constantly filling or draining each other’s buckets of positive emotion – based on what we do and say.

We can top up another’s bucket with a positive comment or drain their bucket with a thoughtless action. Our interactions with others are rarely neutral – and those actions reflectively enhance or diminish our own levels in the process. As in, filling another’s bucket tops up our own bucket, too. And vice versa.

A full bucket generates positive outlooks and plenty of energy. An empty bucket spawns sour outlooks and gorbs of apathy.

Action: I like the image and I appreciate the idea. However, I suggest we take it one step further. (more…)

Reflection:  It’s October, and the geese are marshaling along the river. In the pre-dawn of my morning walk, I hear them long before I see them. Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! You’d swear you were approaching a major traffic jam on a morning commute in a congested city anywhere in the world.

Until, that is, the birds take to the air. At the break of dawn, one by one the gaggles of geese leave the river heading for greener pastures and points south.  As they lift from the water, wave after wave of syncopated wing beats sound just like a powerful ovation at the end of a fabulous performance.

It was one of the passing regulars along my walking route who brought it to my attention. In the midst of an especially long ovation, she greeted me with a cheery smile and this comment, “Nice of the geese to applaud our exercise program, don’t you think?”

This made me smile and wonder how often we take our own accomplishments for granted, and whether we might be missing other opportunities for small celebrations of things that are going right in our world.

You may find, that some days it’s tougher than others to keep on keeping on: to get out of bed in the morning, to tie on a pair of shoes and get some exercise, to tend to the relationships in your life, to deal with yet another set of challenges at work or at home. And yet most of us do what we need to do – day after day after day – often taking our own contributions for granted.

About a year ago, I started intentionally collecting and creating ideas for how we might do a stronger, more consistent job of celebrating some of our own success. And today, I’m delighted to announce (cue the geese) the launch of a brand new booklet called, Take A Bow – 67 Ways To Pause For Applause, Celebrate Your Success, And Keep Your Spirits High. You can read more about it in the Resource Of The Week section below. (more…)

Reflection: 

How do you typically respond when someone shares good news with you?

Suppose a colleague or friend shares news about their awesome summer road trip. Which of these responses are you most likely to choose?

1. Say “Hmph!” and turn away.
2. Say “ Gee that sounds like way too much time at the wheel, cooped up in a car with the kids. I bet it was exhausting, putting on all those miles!” while frowning and shaking your head.
3. Say “Heh, good for you!” showing little or no emotion.
4. Say “I’m delighted your vacation went so well. I know how much you were looking forward to it. Let’s have lunch so you can fill me in on the details!” while smiling and maintaining eye contact.

All the responses have positive or negative consequences for your relationship, and option 4 stands the best chance of building it up.

In her research on relationships, Shelley Gable from the University of California, has learned that the quality of your reaction can make a huge difference and contribute directly to either strengthening or diminishing the relationship. She describes four categories of replies. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: In the early years of my business, I received an invitation for a ten-day, ten-city seminar tour. It was a tempting offer.

I spent several hours on the phone quizzing colleagues about their experiences and asking for their advice. Should I accept? Should I decline? Toward the end of my quest for insight, a wise colleague observed that I already had all the information. She suggested I needed to be quiet with myself. Then I’d know what to do.

She was right. I had been busy, busy, busy gathering evidence to support what I already knew intuitively in my gut: This engagement wasn’t a good fit for me.

It’s possible to find plenty of good information and useful questions out there. The real gems are buried in our own hearts and minds. The toughest part is to be still and quiet enough to hear our own words of wisdom.

The next time you face a confusing challenge, grab a sheet of paper and a pen. Take ten minutes in a quiet spot. Write yourself a letter advising your best course of action.

If you can silence your critical, confusing, chaotic self-talk long enough to tune into your wisest voice of sanity, you’ll find that it’s been there all along. You probably already know what you need to stop, start, or continue. Listen with care and be thankful for that inner voice of wisdom. (more…)

Reflection & Action: It was a poor day to renew my driver’s license. At the insurance office, problems with the phone lines made credit and debit card transactions impossible. Customers dug for cheques and scrounged spare cash, or dashed down the block to the cash machine.

The cashiers did their best, but progress was slow. A fellow who arrived just moments after I entered the queue did not appreciate the delay. Like a bull in the paddock, he shifted from foot to foot, snorting and pawing the ground.  Jingling the change in his pocket and rustling the papers in his hand did nothing to calm his jangling nerves. Neither did repeated checks of his wristwatch. Even the disgusted glares he zinged at the cashiers brought him no relief.

Just a couple of minutes after his arrival, a newcomer fell in line behind the restless rustler. In the loudest possible voice, the raging bull cautioned the woman that he hoped she’d brought a book and planned to spend the day, because he’d been waiting in line all morning!!!

In less than five minutes, it was my turn at the counter. I leaned in close to the cashier and told her I hoped she had 911 on her speed dial, as I thought our friend, the raging bull, was about to pop an artery. She chuckled and rolled her eyes, clearly relieved to find an understanding customer with a sense of humor.

Life is full of delays and detours. We ought not to be surprised when we hit a speed bump. When life does not unfold as expected, forget snorting and pawing the ground. Look for the humor. Empathize with others caught in the bind. There are always other responses beyond the first frustrated reaction. (more…)

Reflection: We’re back from my 60^th Birthday Voyage. Our adventures took us from an overwater bungalow in Tahiti, to a South Seas cruise through French Polynesia, across the high seas to stops on four Hawaiian islands, then across the rest of the Pacific to spend a few days in San Francisco and the Napa Valley. It ended with a birthday party back here in our garden in Saskatoon.

It was a relaxing journey (ten days completely at sea will do that) with a few adventurous forays including: kayaking up the Faaroa River in Raiatea, snorkeling with the sharks and stingrays in Moorea, and diving to the sea floor in an Atlantis submarine off Kona.

I enjoyed the time away, AND I’m happy to be in your company once again. I hope that the month of May has treated you all very well.

The arrow of appreciation flies both ways. It’s a lesson in gratitude that revealed itself twice during our recent travels.

#1: During our stop on Oahu, a local hula dance troop, consisting mostly of youngsters (perhaps 6-10 years of age) danced and entertained on board ship. If you’ve ever been at a grade school concert, you know how charming those young’uns can be. This group was all that and more.

Of course, they got a standing ovation from the crowd at the end of their program. But they didn’t let things end there. As their troop leader commented on how much they appreciated the opportunity to perform for us, these young dancers moved through the lounge shaking hands with members of the audience, offering their personal thanks for being given the opportunity to share what they love to do. (more…)

Reflection: There may be many things worse than ‘not knowing’ or ‘living with uncertainty’, but as one of life’s stressors, it’s got to be high on the list.

I recently received a query from a Pause reader who is part of an organization in the midst of downsizing. Although she, herself, knows that she will continue to have her job, many co-workers find themselves in different circumstances.

For those who have learned that they will leave, there is some sense of relief in being in the know – and being able to start making plans.

Others do not yet know their fate, and may not know for some time. A few have learned they will need to compete for their own positions. For these individuals, the situation is precarious. She wonders how to support her colleagues who find themselves in limbo.

There’s no one size fits all answer to that question. Different people respond to uncertainty in different ways. Some are devastated and immobilized by it, while others take it in their stride. Most of us fall somewhere in between.

It can be tough to be a bystander in the lives of others who are hurting, and not sure how to help.

Action: Should you find yourself in this kind of situation, here are a handful of helpful practices to undertake yourself and encourage in others. (more…)

Reflection: If you’ve ever tried to change the culture or direction of a group, you’ll know how tough it can be to get everyone on board – rowing, driving, marching (pick your metaphor) in the same direction.

A few years ago, as president of a national association, I found myself repeatedly attempting to convince a couple of naysayers that the direction the Board had chosen was one of value and the ‘right’ way to go. The options had been debated, the decision had been made, and the train had left the station. However, I was still stuck at the rear urging a couple of reluctant individuals to jump on board.

I was fortunate enough to be counseled by a colleague experienced in the ways of change, who advised, “Pat, move on and move forward. We don’t need everybody. We just need enough.”

Those words rang true at the time, and I often call them to mind. Just last week, in a professional development session I delivered on Building An Appreciative Culture, an attendee asked, “How can we convince the lone wolf naysayers and grumps that it’s better to strike a more positive tone?” I found myself echoing my colleague’s advice, “Move on and move forward. We don’t need everybody. We just need enough!”

Now, sometimes there are legitimate concerns. And, sometimes there are other issues to work on or other directions to consider. And, sometimes, people are, at heart, all right with heading in the same direction; they just want to take a different route to get there. Things aren’t always black and white.

That said, there does come a point where it is simply time to get on with things. (more…)