communication

REFLECTION:  In the last few weeks, the media has been very generous with coverage of my latest book, Press Pause…Think Again. A couple of morning TV shows, and several newspapers ran features. Many clients, colleagues and friends sent along their congrats.

However, one of the most treasured comments came from my Mom, who by phone and via Facebook made a point of saying, “We’re proud of you.” Even after all these years, hearing those words from one of my parents still has a profoundly uplifting effect on me.

I’d hazard a guess that appreciative comments have a positive effect on you, too. Especially so, when they come from someone whose opinion you value.

There is something validating and uplifting about others taking an interest in what is happening in your world, shining a little light in your direction, and taking the time to let you know you’re on their radar.

Research supports the positive impact of showing an interest in others and expressing appreciation. (more…)

REFLECTION:  It’s pretty easy for me to take a spin on my high horse when it comes to technology use and misuse. A while ago I found myself feeling self-righteous when a FB acquaintance posted a status update that read, “I’m really enjoying celebrating my xth anniversary – sharing dinner with my husband.” I thought to myself, you’re not really celebrating with your husband, you’re hanging with your FB pals and chatting with your Twitter buddies.

But, as they say, the chickens do come home to roost. Within days of the aforementioned FB post, my own husband and I were on vacation, lunching in Bar Harbor, Maine. These days, I always travel with my sketchbook, and have been known on occasion to lobby for a restaurant, or call dibs on a particular seat at a table, based on what there is to sketch while we’re waiting for lunch. This was one of those days.

No sooner had I placed an order for a lobster roll and a glass of wine, than I whipped out my art supplies, zeroed in on my target and started to sketch. About 5 minutes into the sketching, Dave posed this question, “So, tell me. How does a sketchbook differ from a Blackberry?”

As they say in the trade:  Busted!

What he was really saying – and what he did go on to say in the clearest and kindest way possible – is that it was lonely on the other side of the table.  (more…)

REFLECTION: I’ve just returned from the 15th Annual Health Work and Wellness Conference in Toronto. Over the years, I’ve attended five of these conferences; and it’s been interesting to watch the shift in focus over time. Initially the conversation was mostly about physical wellness – helping employees become more physically fit through increased exercise, healthier eating, and addressing risk factors for diabetes and heart disease.

This year, much of the conference focused on initiatives in the area of psychological safety. This moves us firmly into the arenas of mental and emotional health. These areas are harder to measure (and tougher to talk about), but they are every bit as important to productive workplaces as an emphasis on healthy bodies.

What we’re talking about here is creating a workplace culture that is respectful and civil – one in which people are responsible not just for their contributions to profits or corporate goals, but equally accountable for the impact of their everyday behaviour on others. Metaphorical hard hats and flak vests are rarely required. Leaders don’t carelessly overload employees, burning them out in the pursuit of corporate success. Berating, browbeating and bullying are not tolerated.

ACTION: Researcher, Martin Shain, recommends organizations concentrate on three approaches to create more psychologically safe workplaces:

1. Set reasonable and clear demands. Don’t blindly delegate work and raise expectations without attending to the impact of those new directions.

2. Make it safe for employees to speak up. Develop skills throughout the organization in raising concerns, asking questions, and listening with care.

3. Be vigilant about challenging even minor acts of incivility. Create a culture of courage – one in which people stand up for themselves and defend each other in the face of disrespectful comments or actions.

How does your workplace measure up on each of these elements? How might you and your colleagues strengthen an area where your culture falls short of the ideal?

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” – World Health Organization, 1948

Or  you might prefer a more succinct version from Author Unknown:  “Just because you’re not sick doesn’t mean you’re healthy.”

RESOURCE OF THE WEEK: Looking for more specific tactics on setting the tone for a mentally healthy culture? Check out this section of the Great West Life Resource Centre for Mental Health.  You’ll find suggestions for building: credibility, respect, fairness, pride and camaraderie in the workplace.

READERS WRITE: In response to a recent e-zine message on ‘Energy Issues‘ Pause reader JM writes:  I work with people on low-income who lead highly emotionally stressful lives. Frequently they have developed a lifelong habit of being consumed by their barriers, and it keeps them in a chronically hopeless, lethargic state. I have often encouraged them to consider getting involved in a volunteer activity, a new hobby, or even a new habit like walking the kids to school or walking to the grocery store, just to take a break from their ‘lives’.  I know that once they get involved in something else, they will begin to see hope and find the courage to move beyond their current situation. But many cannot even see that this is possible. Your quote for this week reminds me that I should keep encouraging them to think about it. Thanks!! (“The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.” – Norman Vincent Peale )

REFLECTION & ACTION: As I listen to reports of life’s daily events, I witness indignation, wailing, and gnashing of teeth over supposed slights and imagined dastardly deeds. Yes, I even catch myself engaging in these flights of fancy from time to time.

Sometimes an illness is just an illness-not something caused by careless hygiene, dubious nutrition, or medical malpractice. Sometimes lost keys and bank cards are misplaced-not the work of a stealthy thief with sticky fingers. Sometimes an offhand remark is just plain thoughtless-not part of a diabolical plot to undermine our authority or self-esteem. Talk about blowing things out of proportion!

At the same time, much of the stress that leads someone to behave badly remains invisible to others. We aren’t always privy to each others’ burdens: an angry client, an ailing parent, a truant teen, a leaky roof, a dwindling bank account, a frightening medical report, an estranged friendship.

Let’s be more magnanimous with ourselves and each other. (more…)

REFLECTION: It’s been an active spring here with program design and delivery, travelling for work and pleasure, shepherding my next book through its the final stages of design, and tending the yard and garden. As a result, I’ve been feeling twinges that tell me I’m growing out of touch with friends and family.

And so, over the last few weeks I’ve been consciously making efforts to reach out – to act on those urges to reconnect. When J left email and phone messages on my birthday, I called her back and we had a great voice to voice visit that ended in plans to get together later this summer. When C responded to the contents of a Pause message with an email message carrying news of her own, I picked up the phone and we had a great half hour catching up voice to voice.

When I realized how long it had been since L and I had visited, on spec that she might be in town, I called to see if she was up for lunch. She was, we did, and I remembered why face to face visits and time spent with friends are so uplifting and affirming. When I noticed my sister in Saudi had just posted a message to Facebook, I messaged to see if she was free. She was, and we enjoyed a one hour Skype visit – voice to voice and face to face – catching up on each other’s news.

In every case, I ended up delighted with the exchange that followed as a result of acting on that urge to reconnect. And, I’m feeling much more in touch and in tune. (more…)

Here are a few excerpts from reader replies to the recent Pause Blog Posting:  It’s All Good – Or Is It ? The message generated some strong feelings and thoughtful responses.

MS writes: ‘It’s all good’, I found that thought provoking. I do use that term but not at the times you describe. I find I use it when things in my life are busy but overall good. I find when things are stressful that the words I say to myself and others to get through is “this too shall pass”. This reminds me that although things are stressful now, they will get better and they will improve. I need this reminder to be patient, to try not to worry too much and to keep positive.

PJ writes:  I’m  glad you brought up this phrase “It’s all good”.  When people say this, they are either trying to present a brave front or they are just avoiding being real. For me, this phrase has become far too common, and has progressed to the category of irritant. It’s not even sincere, because, let’s face it:  it’s NOT all good. Life has its difficult moments. If people want to share the realities of their life with me, I would far rather hear them say something like,  “I’ve been going through a rough patch, but doing my best to handle things.”  –  rather than toss off some glib little catch phrase. It’s a bit of a pet peeve for me. And you are right in advising people to examine what’s really going on when they use this line as a constant mantra. (more…)

Much ado has been made about the practice of ‘texting’ – trading instant messages as a way of keeping in touch with friends and family. Some love it. Others decry its lack of social grace.

Perhaps that’s why the concept of ‘sugaring’ caught my attention.  It seems designed to smooth and sweeten the social interaction on the French cafe scene.  As you will see from the photos, each wrapper that encircles a sugar cube bears a different message.

Most wrappers ask relationship oriented questions. Many feature check boxes for Yes and No answers. Others provide spaces to fill in the blanks with your answer.

Who knows? Perhaps the iCube might someday replace the iPhone as the connecting strategy of choice.

If your French is a bit shakey, here are my best efforts at translation:

Vous etes libre ce soir? Oui? Non?  Are you free tonight? Yes? No?

Rendez-vous chez…   Let’s meet at ….

Vous etes seul dans la vie? Oui? Non?  Are you single? Yes? No?

Un autre cafe?  Another cafe?

C’est toi qui invitez? Are you asking me?

Appelle moi au:  Call me at:

REFLECTION: 41 years ago today (April 13, 1970), Jack Swigert, astronaut on the infamous Apollo 13 mission delivered this memorable phrase, “Houston, we’ve got a problem!”, after an oxygen tank burst on their way to the Moon. In fact, Swigert’s actual words were: “OK, Houston. Hey, we’ve got a problem here.” But over the years and through the magic of editing, the phrase has been shortened for dramatic effect.

Once the discovery was made, and the problem identified, the Apollo mission quickly shifted from one of exploration (a third lunar landing) to survival (getting the crew back to earth alive). Imagine, however, if the flight crew and ground crew had all stayed stuck in their fear. What would have been the likelihood of a positive outcome?

It’s been years since the event itself, and it’s been years since I last saw the movie, Apollo 13. However, it’s been nowhere near that long since I witnessed someone getting severely bent out of shape about a life altering event or circumstance – myself included.

Problems come and problems go. Some of them are Apollo dramatic and truly life threatening. Others are simply minor blips on the old Stress-O-Meter Radar. The challenge is one of sifting the serious challenges from the minor irritations. (more…)

REFLECTION: Last week marked a significant change in my extended family, as my parents moved from their home on the farm into a brand new residence in Saskatoon. My Dad was born in that farmhouse 85 years ago. He lived and worked there for most of his life. My Mom joined him on the farm when they married 60 years ago.

Together they raised a family of six girls, who eventually brought home husbands, grandchildren and more recently great-grandchildren. This last December, 29 of us gathered in that small one-bathroom farm house – all very much aware of the significance of one more Christmas at the farm. The roots run deep and the memories run wide.

The relocation was in the works for a few months. That time was filled with plenty of planning, choosing and deciding. Recent weeks were especially rich in emotion – as years of memorabilia was sifted and sorted – and everyone faced the now near and new realities of a change of place.

We’re definitely not alone in facing change. Every single one of you is dealing with or has dealt with changes of one kind or another – jobs, relationships, living situations, and more. (more…)

REFLECTION: An aversion to stillness is a growing phenomenon in our plugged in world.

Case in point. I recently facilitated a day in a leadership development program. The session focused on Modeling The Way & Encouraging the Heart – two essential leadership practices. During the day we were in and out of group work and discussion.

People were pretty conscientious about turning off their cell phone ringers and setting the gadgets to vibrate. So the ‘audible call-out’ distractions were minimized. However, that didn’t stop people from repeatedly reaching for their phones in much the same way as infants reach for their pacifiers – to plug into something that fills the void.

As soon as group discussion wound down, or a break was announced, people grabbed their phones to check on the world outside. This essentially cut out those to their left and right who might want to engage in further interaction. After all, who wants to get between someone and their phone. However, it also robbed the individual of the opportunity to be still with their own thoughts – in the absence of input from the outside world. Who knows what kind of insights might have arisen given half a chance to see the light of day? (more…)