Last fall, I gifted my grandson with a subscription to a popular children’s magazine. I received, in return, a postcard to send the little guy indicating that the magazines would soon be on their way. I mailed him the postcard and also told him what to expect.
When I checked repeatedly with his Mom through the late fall and early winter about whether the magazines had started arriving, the answer was always no. In fact, they never even received the postcard announcement of the gift itself.
So, now, three months later, I finally decided it was time to call the magazine offices and demand an explanation. Irritated would be a pretty accurate description of my state of mind. I grew even more irritated by the time I held through the voice mail queue to lodge my complaint with James, a real live agent. bI laid out my problem fact by fact – in a tone that may have held just the slightest of edges.
On looking up my subscription account number, James immediately explained the situation. Turns out I had provided the right street address, but the wrong postal code, so the magazines had bounced back as undeliverable. The third time this happened, the distributor investigated, discovered the error, corrected the postal code, and had already graciously extended the subscription by the missing three months. The first magazine of the new year was already on its way to the corrected destination.
I thanked James for handling the situation so well, and apologized for my error. All set to point the finger of blame, I had no one to aim it at but myself.
ACTION:
I know I’m not the only person out there prone to jumping to conclusions. You may have experienced ‘a leap of sanctimony’ a time or two yourself. Self righteous indignation raises its ugly head in small ways and large ways both in the workplace and on the homefront. And, it’s such a colossal waste of energy with a strong likelihood of collateral damage.
Here are my reminder ‘Note To Self’ rules for tackling life’s sticky altercations:
* Speak up sooner rather than later when something goes awry.
* Don’t automatically ascribe incompetence on the part of others.
* Never assume that an error is entirely someone else’s fault.
* Explore what part I may have played in causing the problem.
* Be prepared to take or share responsibility for making things right.
P.S. In case it’s been a while, and you might have forgotten, I can tell you that humble pie has a unique flavor all its own!
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QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up.” – John C. Maxwell
I would rather the man who presents something for my consideration subject me to a zephyr of truth and a gentle breeze of responsibility rather than blow me down with a curtain of hot wind.” – Grover Cleveland
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READERS WRITE:
In response to last week’s message, What’s Your Intention, Pause reader JG writes: This message is so fortuitous. I was just discussing choosing a word for the year with a friend. I realized I had already chosen mine while writing in my journal at year’s end. My word is LIGHT. To me it means to let the light in, spirituality, physically and emotionally; to follow my light; to share my light with the world; and to lighten up and enjoy the ride, to see the lighter side of things. I put this in motion by easing myself back into things on my first day back at work in a fairly stressed environment. I took the first half hour to read and lighten my expectations. I invited staff out for coffee first thing in the morning to lighten up the start to the work week. I lightened up our regularly scheduled meetings. And, on a personal note, I am lightening up on what I eat for supper (more salads please) and will hopefully lighten up the reading on the scale after my Christmas indulgences.
PS 2 – If you’ve been pondering your word for the year, I can tell you that these are some of the words that Pause readers tell me they have chosen to guide their direction for 2011: Thankfulness, Focus, Change, Reinforcement, Adventure, Reflection, Patience, Connection, and Gratitude
REFLECTION: Last fall, I gifted my grandson with a subscription to a popular children’s magazine. I received, in return, a postcard to send the little guy indicating that the magazines would soon be on their way. I mailed him the postcard and also told him what to expect.
When I checked repeatedly with his Mom through the late fall and early winter about whether the magazines had started arriving, the answer was always no. In fact, they never even received the postcard announcement of the gift itself.
So, now, three months later, I finally decided it was time to call the magazine offices and demand an explanation. Irritated would be a pretty accurate description of my state of mind. I grew even more irritated by the time I held through the voice mail queue to eventually lodge my complaint with James, a real live agent. I laid out my problem fact by fact – in a tone that may have held just the slightest of edges.
On looking up my subscription account number, James immediately explained the situation. (more…)
PAUSE -10.37- The Gift Of Trust
December 14, 2010
HAPPY NEWS:
Last week in Montreal, at the Annual Convention of CAPS (the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers), I was honored with an induction into the Canadian Speaking Hall of Fame. For more details, video and pics see the blog posting at: http://www.pauseworks.com/wp/?p=1845
REFLECTION:
In case you’ve missed the memo – or the endless media messages bombarding us daily – December is the one month of the year where giving is clearly top of mind. It’s no surprise, then, that I was intrigued by this first item on a list of tips for reducing workplace stress.
Tip number one advises giving the gift of trust. What an interesting idea!
The point is that a lack of control over one’s own work is a serious workplace stressor. Leaders who micro-manage tasks or decree exactly how everything must be tackled build neither trust nor capacity. In fact, there’s nothing more irritating than having someone lurking over your shoulder second guessing everything you’re doing, interceding to make sure it’s done the ‘right’ way (read ‘their’ way).
When we give others the freedom to make decisions about how to approach the tasks in front of them we honor their capabilities and avoid unnecessary pressures. Trusting is not only a stress reliever, but a relationship and capacity builder.
Developing trust is a bit of a catch 22 situation. Do you grant it only after it is earned? Or do you assume it until proven otherwise? Maybe it’s possible to hold both possibilities in hand at once.
Stephen M.R. Covey sheds light on this issue in his book, The Speed of Trust. He notes that building trusting relationships with others hinges on two elements: character (positive intentions and a reputation for integrity) and competence (strong capabilities and a record of results).
ACTION:
What does this mean for the way we ease the load for others? For starters, we can stop meddling in situations where others have already proven their character and competence.
People grow and develop over time. The way we oversee and interact needs to adapt as trust is built. Backing off and letting go might just be the very best gift of all!
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him, and to let him know that you trust him.” – Booker T. Washington
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
Here’s a link to an article on ‘Smart Trust” by Stephen Covey based on the ideas in his book: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/The_Speed_of_Trust.html
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READERS WRITE:
In response to the last message, ‘What Really Counts?’, Pause reader KE writes: I just finished teaching my course on the power of coaching and the science of positive psychology. We talked about different measures of success. Did you know that Bhutan measures Gross National Happiness? It’s a 30 year old policy and is soundly based on Buddhist philosophy. The British government recently announced that their office of national statistics will start measuring people’s psychological and environmental well-being, making it one of the first western countries to officially monitor happiness.
REFLECTION: In case you’ve missed the memo – or the endless media messages bombarding us daily – December is the one month of the year where giving is clearly top of mind. It’s no surprise, then, that I was intrigued by this first item on a list of tips for reducing workplace stress.
Tip number one advises giving the gift of trust. What an interesting idea!
The point is that a lack of control over one’s own work is a serious workplace stressor. Leaders who micro-manage tasks or decree exactly how everything must be tackled build neither trust nor capacity. In fact, there’s nothing more irritating than having someone lurking over your shoulder second guessing everything you’re doing, interceding to make sure it’s done the ‘right’ way (read ‘their’ way).
When we give others the freedom to make decisions about how to approach the tasks in front of them we honor their capabilities and avoid unnecessary pressures. Trusting is not only a stress reliever, but a relationship and capacity builder.
Developing trust is a bit of a catch 22 situation. (more…)
PAUSE – 10.18 – The Not So Classic BMW
June 23, 2010
REFLECTION:
Nothing damages the morale of a workplace more than a collection of individuals whose response to every situation is to complain and criticize from the cozy confines of victimhood. “Isn’t it awful? How dare they? What were they thinking? Someone should do something about this!”
A recent conference participant, in a session I was delivering on encouragement and appreciation in the workplace, described this group as her BMW’s. Not the classic high priced automobile – but rather the folks who specialize in Bitching, Moaning, and Whining.
Her abbreviated description generated a considerable number of guffaws and knowing looks as other attendees nodded their heads in recognition. It seems the BMW problem is familiar to many. There might even be a few BMW’s ripping up the streets in your world.
ACTION:
So what to do and how to handle them? Here is a four level response you might find useful.
1. Consider whether you might be an unintentional accomplice who encourages BMW behavior. Pay attention to how often you commiserate or provide a forum (a willing ear and shoulder) for tired old complaints.
2. Determine if there’s a legitimate concern at the root of the BMW response. If there is, engage the individual in action that works to resolve the issue.
3. Notice if BMW behavior has simply become an habitual response. If that’s the case, make the person aware of the situation. Try your hand at coaching a turn-around that steers the individual towards a more positive response.
4. Identify the business consequences and collateral damage to the team that flow from BMW negativity. Position the snide asides as the performance problems that they are. Lay out clear expectations for change and potential consequences if the BMW behavior continues.
Each of us has a right to our own thoughts – both negative and positive. We also have a choice about what we decide to express. That expression carries with it a responsibility for the impact of our words and actions. Make it clear that BMWs should be parked outside and are not welcome in your workplace.
PS – If the BMW’s in your life are spewing a black cloud over your family or community group, similar rules of the road apply.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you’ve growled all day long.” – Author Unknown (But clearly someone with a good deal of insight and a great sense of humor!)
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
Check out this helpful article that includes seven tips for minimizing workplace negativity at: http://humanresources.about.com/od/workrelationships/a/negativity.htm
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READERS WRITE:
In response to last week’s message, ‘Getting Out There’, Pause reader DO writes: I started doing yoga about 18 months ago. One of the big benefits is the conscious breathing. When I think about physical activity you’ve described, or just being outside, I believe the deeper breath is a part of the cleansing and brightening process. I’ve noticed at recent meetings and events that when people go outside at break time the first thing they do is take a big deep breath.
REFLECTION: Nothing damages the morale of a workplace more than a collection of individuals whose response to every situation is to complain and criticize from the cozy confines of victimhood. “Isn’t it awful? How dare they? What were they thinking? Someone should do something about this!”
A recent conference participant, in a session I was delivering on encouragement and appreciation in the workplace, described this group as her BMW’s. Not the classic high priced automobile – but rather the folks who specialize in Bitching, Moaning, and Whining. (more…)
REFLECTION: Last fall, I gifted my grandson with a subscription to a popular children’s magazine. I received, in return, a postcard to send the little guy indicating that the magazines would soon be on their way. I mailed him the postcard and also told him what to expect.
REFLECTION: In case you’ve missed the memo – or the endless media messages bombarding us daily – December is the one month of the year where giving is clearly top of mind. It’s no surprise, then, that I was intrigued by this first item on a list of tips for reducing workplace stress.
REFLECTION: 