communication

Reflection: Have you ever chatted with a companion whose eyes continually dart over your shoulder scanning the scene behind you?

You may have no idea what you are missing in the space behind you; but you know exactly what you’re missing in front of you. What’s absent is your companion’s full attention. It’s unnerving and disengaging.

Tracking background movement is not life’s only distraction. Mental preoccupation dilutes attention. So do computer screens, smart phones, televisions, and more.

Rapport suffers when one or both parties to a conversation are more absent than present. And a lack of attention from someone who is central to your life (boss, key colleague, mate or partner) can be especially problematic.

Participants in some of the sessions I facilitate tell me how powerful it can be when they set their multitasking habits aside and turn their full focus to the individual and issue at hand. Amazing things happen. Other people settle down, open up, and share what’s on their minds. People blossom under the warmth of their attention. Relationships flourish.

Action: Here’s what you can do to create a more conducive environment for some of the important conversations in your life. (more…)

Reflection: While taking my morning walk along the riverbank trail, I came across a couple of staff from the Meewasin Valley Authority. They were working their way along the trail, emptying the garbage cans scattered throughout the park.

It’s a workplace setting that has a lot to offer especially on a warm spring day. You can’t beat the great outdoors with a river view.

Still, emptying trashcans can’t be the most pleasant job in the world. They’re jammed with sticky cans and bottles and the remnants of fast food lunches in the park. To top it off, they’re overflowing with stinky, leaky plastic bags of doggy do.

On my way past, I gave the fellas a wave of my hand. And then I thought, “I could do better than that!”

So I stopped in my tracks, turned around and said, “Hey, guys, thanks for all the work you do cleaning things up out here. It makes a big difference for all of us, and I really appreciate it!”

And they, in turn, stopped what they were doing, looked up, and rewarded me with two of the biggest grins I’ve seen in some time.

I smiled right back and carried on.

Action: And in that small exchange, I was reminded that it doesn’t take much to lift another’s spirits or make someone’s day. (more…)

Reflection: I so appreciate the fact that spring on the prairies is finally putting in an appearance. It seems that the month of April offers no shortage of opportunities to appreciate a variety of things and people.

This very week in Canada (April 6-12) is National Volunteer Appreciation week. A quick glance at an online calendar of special days reveals that’s not the only special day on this month’s agenda.

April also brings you National Siblings Day (10^th), National Librarian Day (16^th), Volunteer Recognition Day (20th), and Administrative Professional Day (23^rd). You’ll find a host of whacky days on the calendar, too. Feel free to celebrate jelly beans, scrabble, and rubber erasers to name just a few!

In today’s everyday busyness, it’s easy to think that celebration and recognition are not that important – that appreciation is just icing on the cake. However, that’s just not true.

Many employee surveys show that a lack of recognition, appreciation and acknowledgement are a major workplace issue and a significant source of disengagement. It’s such a shame, because it’s such an easy challenge to address.

Action: What to do? Focus on small daily appreciative actions like these. (more…)

Some messages seem to touch more of a nerve than others. Many ezine and blog readers responded to the recent Pause message about disconnecting from technology and reconnecting with humanity.

In case you missed it or might like to refresh yourself on the content, here is the link to the original message: Where Is Everybody? Where Are You?

Here’s what Pause readers had to say about their own experiences with this issue:

LL writes: I started to leave my phone upstairs when I go to bed at night. I used to use it as an alarm clock but not anymore. I just felt like this was starting to be a heavy bedroom partner and got rid of it! My husband is now my alarm clock!

LC writes: I know what you mean!  It’s not just the young people anymore either.  Yikes – I think we are caught up in the hype and the allure of technology.  The most likely response is that the makers of the devices will ensure they can be smaller so people can’t see when you’re on them. It’s going to be a long time before this pendulum swings back the other way I fear.

(more…)

Stack of smart phones

Reflection: I’m worried about us. Not in a global warming, political upheaval, where is the world headed kind of way. But rather in a very specific ‘why don’t we choose to be more present’ sort of way.

While facilitating recent seminars, I’ve noted – and not for the first time – that as soon as there is a pause in the program the majority of people seem compelled to plug their phones into the gap.

Like the fictional Dutch boy who stuck his finger in the dike, today’s smartphones serve as the first line of defense against potential threats like these: a moment of down time, the possibility of original thought, and the risk of actually connecting with a live person positioned within arm’s reach.

While answering email, returning texts, scanning Facebook, and checking news feeds may give the illusion of connectedness, I propose that the opposite may also be true.

Instead of enhancing connection, this habitual behavior insulates us from the moment at hand, distances us from creative thought, and diminishes the likelihood of meaningful live conversation.

Our ‘reach for the phone’ knee-jerk habits actually keep us reacting and retorting and stop us from reflecting and relating.

Action: Here’s a challenge for today  – and for tomorrow, too. (more…)

Reflection: At this time of ‘let’s be jolly’ pot-luck dinners, concerts and parties, it’s pretty easy to separate the extroverts from the introverts.

The extroverts sport big grins and boundless enthusiasm for the events of the season. A party tonight? Excellent! Another gathering tomorrow? Awesome! Three more events on the weekend? It doesn’t get any better than that!

Introverts, on the other hand, struggle to keep pace. It’s not that they’re anti-social. Introverts enjoy their friends and family just as much as their more extroverted siblings, co-workers, cousins, and partners.

It’s just that large gatherings of people are exhausting for introverts. Being out and about and socializing exacts a huge toll on the introvert’s psychic and physical energy.

Action: If there was ever a time or a season for introverts to be attending to energy, this is it. (more…)

Reflection: One of the many pleasures of this summer, was a night spent camping out in a tent in the backyard with six year old grandson, Ethan.

This is the second year we’ve done this. Last summer Ethan wondered why we couldn’t bring the TV or the ipad out to the tent. This year, that idea didn’t even come up.

Still he wanted to know what we’d do – besides eating a giant bag of cheese puffs, which apparently has already become a tradition.

I suggested we’d mess around with the flashlights, read some books, play a few games, make up some stories and well, just talk. We did all those things and more.

One of the sweetest moments of the adventure – and there were many – was when Ethan turned to me late in the evening and declared, “You know, this talking is a lot more fun than I thought it would be.” And, indeed, it was! (more…)

Reflection & Action:  How much is enough? How much is too much? Negotiating reasonable loads is challenging. In fact, concerns about ‘unreasonable work expectations’ continue to top the list of complaints in my surveys on ‘frustrations with time’.

It’s not always someone else who creates overload situations. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies! However, those expectations imposed by others are also tough to handle. You may find yourself reluctant to say no and negotiate limits – especially when it involves those in authority.

It could well be legitimate that you have been asked or told to tackle a giant load of tasks. They may all be within your job description, assuming that you have one. However, not every team leader is skilled at determining workloads, and the expectation that anyone can accomplish anything and everything all at once is unreasonable. (more…)

Reflection & Action: I caught a ride on a beautiful fall day with a cab driver who could easily have taken the grand prize for the world’s darkest outlook on life. In response to my comments on the freshness of the morning, the beauty of the autumn leaves, and the glassy calm of Wascana Lake, he responded in turn, “Frost last night – gonna make the harvest tough! Just reminds me winter’s coming! It’s never like that when I go fishing!”

I’m sure if he won a hundred thousand dollars in the lottery, he wouldn’t waste a minute celebrating. He would launch right into a litany of complaints about the uselessness of a prize that small!

Our mindset has a lot to do with our experience of the day. It is possible to shift from pure pessimism to a more optimistic response to life. It’s a matter of attention. What do you notice? What do you hang on to? How do you start your conversations with yourself and others?

As day’s end nears, and you shut down your computer, pull on your coat, or jump in the car to head home, ask yourself this simple question: “What went well today?”

Ask the same question of colleagues as you close up shop, and of family members as you gather for the evening. Yes, you’ll eventually get to the complaints, but at least the good news of the day will hold center stage and pride of place. That’s all it takes to start the shift of focus.

Quote Of The Week: “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.” – Eric Hoffer

Pause Readers Write: Pause Reader, Myrna B writes: About 6 months ago our family was struggling to accept a very serious health challenge for one of my siblings. At the same time a marriage was falling apart for another sibling. My parents were so focused on the problems that they seemed to be spiraling down a vortex of negativity. Some of us were feeling they had lost site of what was wonderful in the world.

My 74 year old Dad had just purchased a computer. In a conversation with Dad, I asked him to take a step back and think about what he was grateful for and what was wonderful in the world and then to email it to me.

You know, he emailed me the next morning. He emailed the morning after that …and the next…and the next. My Dad emails me every day to share what is great and wonderful in their world. I now have a journal with this collection that I can share with everyone. It contains many memories and important events that my family may have forgotten; and it’s all about all of us as a family. I treasure this because it’s given so freely, honestly and sincerely. My parents believe this commitment to share the positive has changed their lives.

In the mid 19th century, greedy British ship-owners overloaded their cargo holds and gleefully pocketed the insurance profits when the ships foundered and sank. Many sailors lost their lives on these ‘coffin ships’.

Samuel Plimsoll waged a battle against this practice. As a result, the Merchant Shipping Act of 1876 decreed that all cargo vessels must display the Plimsoll Line – an indicator of the limit to which they can be safely and legally loaded. Why? Because ships float at different levels depending on the warmth and consistency of the water. A ship loaded to capacity in a North Atlantic salt water port, would be in danger of riding too low and possibly sinking at a fresh water port in the tropics.

What’s this got to do with you and me? Well, modern day individuals and organizations have their limits, too. How cool would it be if each carried a Plimsoll line? You’d know when you were reaching your stability limit, and you’d also be able to see the current state of those around you.

Of course, we don’t come equipped with Plimsoll Lines. But this modern day set of indicators might offer a few clues to individual load and capacity: (more…)