Overload & Overwhelm

Reflection: What do you think? Is a crazy busy life with no time to spare the new status symbol in North America?

Sadly enough, that just may be the case! Several recent pieces of research found that we now admire and hold in higher esteem those who present themselves as overloaded and run off their feet.

In one experiment, participants read letters from a fictional friend. In Letter A he complained about being crazy busy with no time to relax and watch TV. In Letter B he described himself as relaxed, spending time watching sports on TV. Readers ranked the busy friend twice as high on a scale of wealth and social status as they ranked the more leisurely friend. (more…)

Reflection: Focus in the face of distraction! That was how a group I recently worked with described one of their most frustrating challenges.

They’re not alone in this. We live in an age of distraction. One research survey found the average time between interruptions in the modern workplace to be three minutes.

Not all of our distractions are created by others. The same survey noted that 44% of interruptions were self imposed. Sometimes we’re our own worst enemies. We allow our grasshopper minds and our desire for novelty to lead us from here … to there … and there … and there, too!

Action: So, how do you make more focused progress in the face of distractions? (more…)

Reflection: There’s a lot of uncertainty in the world these days. More than usual? It’s tough to say.

Some would argue that certainty is just an illusion anyway – that uncertainty is our normal state.

Still, I’m pretty certain that I’m writing this, you’re reading this, and the sun will rise tomorrow. Not everything, though, is quite so clear.

There are those whose health has taken a turn for the worse. They’re waiting for tests, a diagnosis, treatment, or recovery.

There are those whose relationships are in trouble, with teenagers challenging boundaries or partners growing apart.

There is uncertainty at work. More than one sector has taken a recent turn for the worse. Layoffs are common and restructuring is afoot.

World events (including the recent US election) have created turmoil and upset for many.

So, when the future is uncertain, other than stew, what can you do?

Action: Here are seven strategies to help you cope with the challenge of not knowing. (more…)

My Thoughts:

 I wrote this message on November 14 in honor of ‘Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day’. (Thanks to my perennially good humored friend, Michael Kerr, for bringing these special days to our attention.)

A number of recent events (your list here…) might have prompted you to do just the opposite – to tighten up, flip out, or tilt to the dark side.

What if we could find a few ways to loosen our grip and lighten our mood? Well, here’s a handful of starter actions to lead you down that road: (more…)

Reflection: If you’ve been following some of the work I’ve shared over the last year with respect to Spark & Malaise, you’ll recall me mentioning Bonnie Ware’s findings on the regrets people express near the ends of their lives.

In her research, the number one regret Ware heard repeatedly was that ‘people wished they’d had the courage to live a life true to themselves instead of the lives that others expected of them.’

That top finding is echoed in more recent research by Kathy Caprino.

In Caprino’s survey of those at an earlier stage in their lives (middle age and mid-career), she found the following top five regrets: (more…)

Reflection & Action: Attention over-extended, over-achievers.

Yeah, you! If you’re the one with the endless list of things to do. The one who always volunteers for that last minute job, chairs the committees, works the extra shifts, hauls the kids, hosts the socials, and generally goes the extra mile!

Yeah, you! If you’re the one who puts yourself at the bottom of those lists in invisible ink. The one who makes sure everybody else leaves on time, remembers their vitamins, books their vacations, and gets those pats on the back.

Might you be feeling just a tad overwhelmed by all you’ve undertaken or a tad under-valued from being taken for granted?

Well, stop right there! It’s time for a glance in the mirror and a heart to heart chat!

Whether you realize it or not, you matter! And not just because of all you do in support of those around you. You matter simply because you are who you are and you’re here. And, by the way, in case you missed the memo – you are enough!

Whether you hear it from others or not – you do make a difference in the lives of those around you. Just don’t be making that contribution from a feeling of lack, an overactive sense of duty, nor at the expense of your own wellbeing! Take care of you, too! Take time to be with you, too.

What to do with this reminder? (more…)

Reflection & Action: Several times over the years, I’ve created lists of things I might like to Do, Be and Have. The current lingo would label it a Vision Board (thank you, Oprah) or a Bucket List (thank you, Jack Nicholson). No matter what you call it, the exercise creates a set of intentions and desires for the future.

What was of interest to me on a recent round of inquiry was what showed up in the ‘What I’d Like To Have’ column. In my earlier days, I found it easy to come up with a lengthy list of possessions that I imagined might somehow make my life better.

However, on this particular day, the very first entry – top of the list – popped out without hesitation. What would I most like to have? Less stuff!

The idea of more stuff has less and less appeal. I’ve taken that insight to heart and I’m sifting stuff, ditching junk, and clearing space.

Old magazines. Gone! Outdated software disks and manuals. Gone! Home decorations that have lost their appeal. Gone! That mountain of cardboard boxes saved just in case they might be needed. Gone!

The garbage bin is brimming and the recycling bin is bursting. The Salvation Army Thrift Shop folks were beaming with my first delivery of six boxes and a suitcase full of stuff.

Are you looking to lighten up? (more…)

Reflection & Action If you’re reading this on Wednesday morning, you still have time to make a date for lunch. Why do I mention it? Because it turns out that an astounding number of folks are eating Al Desko and not Al Fresko.

A recent poll found that 60 percent of workers eat lunch at their desks every day, while two thirds take less than half their entitled lunch hour. A quick math check shows those people are working (or at least sitting in front of their computers) an extra 128 hours (or 16 eight hour days) a year.

We’re discovering more all the time about the physical risks of too much sitting and too much desk time. When we closet ourselves away – brain glued to screen and bum to chair – we end up numb on both ends.

Move around mid-day and you clear out the mental cobwebs and top the energy tank. You’ll return to your afternoon tasks with a fresh mind and body.

What’s keeping us glued to our chairs? (more…)

Reflection & Action: There’s nothing like a good question to draw attention to what makes life worthwhile. And, for the record, that question is NOT: “So, are you busy?”

Far too many conversations in our stressed out, revved up world start just that way. We connect with a colleague at work, bump into an old friend at the grocery store, or meet a neighbor on the street. Before we even think about it, we’re automatically asking, “So, are you busy?”

It’s a question that usually generates a lengthy recounting of activities done and undone. Recounting the proverbial to do list seems to be a common way to establish our value and justify our existence on the planet.

Oddly enough, when you ask people to consider what really matters in life, the things that show up most frequently tend not to be the things that populate their to do lists.

What’s most meaningful and energizing relates more to the big picture issues: relationships and adventures, or a deep sense of connectedness and purpose.

If that is where more meaning lives, why not change the focus of our conversations? Why not start asking each other these questions instead: (more…)

Reflection & Action: I’d had a busy couple of weeks with projects, commitments and deadlines on every front. When the calendar cleared one day last week, I decided to pause and step away for a mental wealth day. That’s the kind of day when you focus on making a few sizable deposits in the sanity bank account.

I spent ten minutes in the office, cleared a few urgent messages, put an away message on my phone, and settled in to enjoy the open space.

As the day unfolded, I puttered in the garden, visited on the street with several of the neighbors, lunched in the sun on the back deck, napped in the hammock, chatted by phone with several family members, and enjoyed the fish in the pond and the birds in the trees.

A greeting card from my sister arrived in the mail that morning and set the tone for the day. The front cover featured a figure reclining in a hammock under a palm tree with these words: “Nowhere to go and all day to get there….” That became my mantra for the day!

I love that sentiment, it’s such a contrast to what we are more likely to experience in our everyday lives: “Everywhere to go and no time to get there!”

One of the most popular delusions in today’s world is the belief that we cannot step away from our responsibilities – that without our constant vigilance the world will come to a grinding halt. It just ain’t so! (more…)