Life in General

Reflection: On our recent cruise vacation, Dave and I shared dinner each evening with the same three couples.

All came from different parts of the world, all were congenial and good humored, and all had interesting backstories to their lives.

Over the course of the trip, we looked forward to the nightly connection – swapping tales about our day’s excursions and life in general.

As our adventure drew to a close, I wondered how best to let them know how much we appreciated their company. In the end, I sketched a postcard for each couple. Each sketch was different and each one represented a unique aspect of that couple’s interests.

I signed them, added a personal note to the back of each card, and presented them at our last dinner together. The postcards were a colossal hit.

I was actually surprised at how deeply they were appreciated. To me, the ideas for the cards came easily, and I enjoyed making them. It felt like no big deal. I found myself curious about what prompted the strength of their reactions.

It occurred to me that one of the reasons could be that creating and sharing the cards was a direct expression of a few of my strengths: appreciation, creativity, and thoughtfulness. There seems to be an authenticity, an ease, and a deep connection that arises when we’re acting from the core of who we are.

Action: So what’s to be gleaned from this experience at sea? (more…)

Reflection: My grandson, Ethan, loves to draw. Inspired by video games and animations, he creates delightfully quirky characters all his own.

Last year we gifted him with a box of drawing pencils, a new sketchpad and a cool pencil sharpener. He was thrilled.

When I recently asked him how he liked the pencils, he told me he hadn’t used them yet. He is saving them up to draw something really good. He doesn’t want to waste them, to sharpen them down, and use them up too fast.

I encouraged him to crack that box open now, and promised that when they were all used up I’d buy him another set. No special occasion required.

At nearly eight years of age, he seems already to have adopted a ‘save the good things for later’ mindset.

It’s the same kind of thinking that causes us as adults to keep the good china safely in the cabinet, a vintage car locked in the garage, a special dress or a tux under plastic in the closet, and a fine bottle of wine tucked away in the dark of the basement.

That kind of thinking can also lead us to keep our best talents – our light and our uniqueness – hidden under a proverbial bushel basket.

What are we waiting for? Why are we robbing ourselves of the joy of using these fine and beautiful things?

Action: Do something daring today. (more…)

Side By Side At The Sea

Reflection: Welcome to the first Pause message of 2015. I hope your year is off to a great start.

I find it hard to believe that this is my fifteenth year of creating and sharing these weekly Pause missives. That’s a grand total of over 700 messages encouraging readers to pause for renewal, appreciation and insight.

I must admit recently I’ve experienced mixed feelings about this weekly commitment. Some weeks I’m like a kid in a candy store, keen to share an experience, an insight or a resource with you. Other weeks I’m like a lumbering ox shouldering a heavy yoke, feeling the weight and burden of coming up with something fresh by midnight Tuesday.

I tell you this because I like to be honest about the way things are, and also because I want you to know that I’m rethinking my options with respect to Pause. Continue? Stop? Simplify? Change frequency? Shift direction?

Where it’s going, I’m not sure. I had hoped I might have a resolution to that question by now. But I don’t. I’m still mucking around in the swamp of possibilities. And, that is not my favorite place to be.

I’m much more comfortable with a decision and a direction. But, sometimes a solid answer takes its own sweet time; and it’s OK not to know.

Action: I’m guessing that on occasion you, too, may find yourself in that swampy stew of uncertainty wrestling with one issue or another. (more…)

Reflection: As we lift off the runway on the flight home from Toronto to Saskatoon, something seems wrong. On our ascent, we level out too quickly, even drop a bit in elevation, and the sounds are off.

Within five minutes of take-off, the pilot announces a malfunction with the nose gear on the plane. It appears to be locked in the down position and refuses to retract. (Better that than the other way around!) He intends to return to Toronto after calculating how much fuel we need to burn off before it’s safe to land.

A half hour later we learn we will be working off another 45 minutes of fuel. In total, we spend an hour and a half zigging, zagging, and circling the skies over southern Ontario.

It’s an interesting experience to find yourself in a situation totally out of your control where your next 90 minutes may or may not be your last. What would you do in that place with that time?

I thought about it, and rejected the idea of reading the newspaper, watching a movie, or going over my notes from my conference. Those activities all seemed a bit pointless – distractions at best. I thought briefly about writing a note to those I love. But that seemed a tad melodramatic.

And so, I simply thought about my recent connections with those who are dear to me. I’d spoken with my husband by phone each of the days I’d been away. I’d visited with my folks the day before I’d headed east. I’d spent the previous weekend with daughter number one and her family in Calgary. I’d traded phone calls and messages making a plan to meet for lunch with daughter number two.

I’d connected with all five of my sisters as we worked through plans for Christmas dinner. I’d shared laughs and great conversations with my friends and business colleagues at the conference. I’d recently spent an afternoon with a group of women friends who meet two or three times a year. I’d posted encouraging comments on the Facebook posts of several dear friends. I’d spoken with the neighbors making a plan for a get together first thing in the new year.

Sure, there were plenty of loose ends and things undone that also flashed through my mind. I could easily have created a long list of tasks awaiting attention – programs to plan, gifts to buy, books to sell, and art to make. But, somehow that all seemed secondary and nowhere near as important as whether or not I was current with the key people in my world. Had the most important words been said and deepest feelings shared?  (more…)

Reflection: For several decades now I’ve been a student of productivity, effectiveness, balance and other things related to living ‘the good life’. As you may have noticed, there is no shortage of info on this topic.

Each time I hear about a new book in this area or see a magazine with a related article, I find myself drawn to check it out. I’m always hoping that there might be a new technique, a new idea, a new strategy– an insider secret that would be helpful to me that I could share with you.

At this point in my research I often find myself more disappointed than delighted. New expressions of longstanding ideas is often the best I can find.

And that leads me to consider that what we need may not be more information, but more execution. We need to act on what we already know pays off. And that thought led me to consider, ‘What is it that works?’

Action: To boil down 30 years of digging around in this area, here is my shortlist legacy of learnings about leading a productive, balanced and meaningful life. (more…)

Reflection: Well, it’s been a very quiet week here – literally! My world was hijacked by a particularly nasty virus. It robbed me of my voice and left in its place a congested chest, muddled brain, hacking cough and world class case of lethargy.

I have experienced laryngitis before, but never a bout that lasted an entire week. As you might imagine, not having a voice is a significant loss for anyone, but especially for a speaker. When the problem persisted, I started to consider a possible future as a Stage Whisperer.

Eventually I was able to muster a bit of volume – but the screechy crackling sound quality sent small children running in fear and caused animals to cower in the corner.

I appreciate the valiant effort of my body in defending against this viral attack. Things are slooooowly returning to normal, and for that I am most grateful.

Action: Despite our best efforts to take our vitamins, get our exercise, drink water, eat well, and get our sleep, when an unexpected virus comes a-callin’ our health can take a beating while our bodies go down for the count! And, when good health takes a hike, our world closes in. (more…)

Reflection: Sometimes our best intentions and our everyday actions are not that well aligned.

A few cases in point:

• We say, ‘To make a long story short…’ and then we make a short story long.
• We feel virtuous about stocking up on healthy fruit and vegetables. But, do we eat them? No, we just let them waste away.
• We buy new running shoes and set up the treadmill, and then let them collect dust in the corner.
• We repeatedly show up late to appointments because there is always ‘something unexpected’ that gets in our way.

I recently led a training session for a group of leaders. They started the day by sharing how much they had been learning about the importance of being present to their staff – listening and attending with care. Many of them then proceeded to spend a big chunk of our time together flipping through messages and texting on their smart phones.

At the root of the issue is the quality of our self awareness – the ability to see ourselves as we really are. It’s an essential skill, but one that can be tough to cultivate.

Because we’re privy to our intentions – spoken and unspoken – we cut ourselves a LOT of slack. We credit ourselves with points for our good intentions and don’t deduct points for our less than ideal behaviors.

What really matters most, though, is our actions. And it is those actions that build or destroy our health or our relationships and establish our character – both on the inside and through the eyes of others.

Action: How do you get better at self awareness and alignment? (more…)

Reflection: In life’s daily give and take, slog and grind, tug and pull, it’s easy to question whether what you do or who you are really matters. Many times I’ve felt discouraged or hopeless or useless and found myself asking, ‘What’s the point?” Maybe you have, too.

Along the way I’ve learned that fostering a sense of significance – believing that we do, in fact, matter – is very much an inside job. Others cannot fill a hole in our hearts or a need in our lives that is of our own making.

Action: In those dark moments of self-doubt about self-worth, here are a handful of tactics you might find helpful in shifting from dismay to delight. (more…)

Reflection: In recent months, I’ve really enjoyed spending time with my youngest grandson who is now closing in on two years of age.

And, in the way of grandparents everywhere, I must tell you that he is the sweetest, smartest, cutest little guy you’ll ever meet … until he’s over-tired.

• When weariness strikes, he grows unsteady on his feet, zigging and zagging like a drunken sailor. (BTW, how did sailors get such a bad rap anyway?)
• He moves from diversion to diversion, not settling in to play with anything for more than a few seconds at a time.
• Small events that are mildly amusing become maniacally hilarious.
• Problems that are minor frustrations trigger major meltdowns.
• When everyone else can see that what he needs most is a rest, he resists – refusing to go willingly into that good night.

Of course, he’s just starting to discover his emotions, to learn what he needs, and to figure out how to soothe himself when he’s upset. He’s a long way from understanding that a break or a nap or a good night’s sleep might be a good idea.

He’s not alone. There are many of us who left our childhood in the dust decades ago who are still learning these things. We struggle to come to terms with our emotions. We over-react in ways that are totally out of proportion to a triggering event. We keep pushing, pushing, pushing despite body messages to the contrary.

Action: So what might we learn from the little guy’s experience? (more…)

Reflection & Action: When I bought myself a bunch of flowers, the florist asked if I wanted a gift card to go with them. I declined, saying they were just for me.

“All the more reason to add a card,” she declared. “I always write myself a card when I buy myself flowers.”

When I asked what she wrote, she replied, “Well, it depends on the day. Sometimes it’s: ‘Thanks for being you.’ Other times it’s: ‘Wow! You’re smart and gorgeous, too!’”

We shared a chuckle. I left with the flowers and a card in hand.

It was a simple reminder of an important lesson. The florist knows how to fill her own wellspring of appreciation. With her own spirits freshly topped up, she’s in a much better position to share her goodwill with others.

Do you take yourself for granted too often? I do. If we don’t show ourselves some positive attention from time to time, who will? Most of us don’t have our loving mothers following us around moment by moment, applauding our courage, cheering our sense of adventure, or delighting in our presence. This is true in our work and personal lives. And if it’s true for us, it’s true for others as well.

What would life be like if you extended a bit more appreciation in your own direction more often? What would it be like if you encouraged others to do the same?

What would you write on your card today?

(more…)