It seems that part of living is learning to say good bye. I bid farewell last week to a former colleague and mentor, Harold Baker, with whom I had worked at the U of S years ago, and with whom I had kept in touch over the years. Harold, as testimonials at his memorial service confirmed, was a kind man, a gentleman, a selfless giver, a mentor, a teacher, and, above all, a community builder.
When I was in my early 20’s, and Harold was already a couple of decades further down this road of life, he and I were teamed up as staff partners at a youth development event. While our assigned group of thirty teenagers chatted and milled around us, we settled into the front seats of our charter bus for a short road trip to an out-of-town venue. As the bus reached the highway and headed for the open road, Harold turned to me and inquired, “So, tell me, young lady, exactly what do you intend to do with your life?”
Now, I’d heard a variation or two on that question before. From the time we can talk, as children, we are quizzed by the adults in our lives. “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?” But this was not that kind of question. There was no condescension, no playfully poking fun, no making light conversation.
It was a simple, sincere, inquiry that carried a raft of implied messages – these amongst them. That even at this young age and early stage in my career, he saw me as capable of serious intentions and grand ambitions. That it was not too early – nor too late – to lift up my eyes and set my sails. That my plans might include a contribution or two to the lives of others and not just focus on my own self interests.
For me, it was a game-changing question. It prompted a conversation that drilled to a much deeper level of thinking. The impact of that question stayed with me through the years. It was a question that popped to mind recently when I read several bits of new research describing the importance of meaningful work in developing a sense of engagement in people’s lives and workplaces.
ACTION:
So, when was the last time you asked yourself – no matter how many years you think might lie ahead – “Just what, exactly, do you intend to do with the rest of your life?” In the end, it’s up to each one of us to set our sights on a meaningful future – to chart the destination, map out the terrain, and gas up the vehicle for the road ahead.
We also share that road with others. Every day, we are in contact and conversation with colleagues, friends and family. Many times, you and I might have an opportunity to introduce a game changing question that will trigger others to think differently about their situations, their prospects, and life’s possibilities. How often do we take the chance, and how often do we miss the moment? (That’s just the kind of a question you could count on Harold to ask.)
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“Finding meaning can be more important than finding amusement.” – Marshall Goldsmith
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
Marshall Goldsmith, whom I’ve mentioned in previous editions of Pause, coaches organizational leaders around the world. His recent work is focusing not on what organizations can do to engage their employees – but rather on how individuals can take responsibility for engaging themselves in their lives and their work. You can read a bit more about his latest thinking at: http://tinyurl.com/4ccafx7
REFLECTION: It seems that part of living is learning to say good bye. I bid farewell last week to a former colleague and mentor, Harold Baker, with whom I had worked at the U of S years ago, and with whom I had kept in touch over the years. Harold, as testimonials at his memorial service confirmed, was a kind man, a gentleman, a selfless giver, a mentor, a teacher, and, above all, a community builder.
When I was in my early 20’s, and Harold was already a couple of decades further down this road of life, he and I were teamed up as staff partners at a youth development event. While our assigned group of thirty teenagers chatted and milled around us, we settled into the front seats of our charter bus for a short road trip to an out-of-town venue. As the bus reached the highway and headed for the open road, Harold turned to me and inquired, “So, tell me, young lady, exactly what do you intend to do with your life?”
Now, I’d heard a variation or two on that question before. From the time we can talk, as children, we are quizzed by the adults in our lives. “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?” But this was not that kind of question. There was no condescension, no playfully poking fun, no making light conversation.
It was a simple, sincere, inquiry that carried a raft of implied messages – these amongst them. That even at this young age and early stage in my career, he saw me as capable of serious intentions and grand ambitions. That it was not too early – nor too late – to lift up my eyes and set my sails. That my plans might include a contribution or two to the lives of others and not just focus on my own self interests.
No doubt you’ve been following the reports on the tragic earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear disaster in Japan. Apparently, one of the most credible voices offering news updates in Japan is chief cabinet secretary, Yukio Edano.
Mr. Edano broadcasts reports on the latest developments an average of five times a day – at all hours of the day and night. His listening audience is growing concerned about his health. They’re noting his tussled hair, beads of sweat on his brow, tired eyes, and a growing weariness in his expression. They’re expressing their concerns via postings on Twitter encouraging Mr. Edano to step away and get some sleep.
ACTION:
Thankfully, few of us are facing challenges as severe as the nation of Japan. Still, we may find ourselves concerned about those nearer at hand who are dangerously overextending themselves for much lesser reasons – risking health and well-being in the process. It could be that we even see one of those people when we look in the mirror in the morning.
How about following the lead of the concerned Japanese? Take or make an opportunity to reach out in concern, encouraging time for renewal when none is being taken. Encouragement could take the form of wise counsel, an invitation to step briefly away for rest or refreshment, or an offer to lend a hand and lift the load.
Zest without rest is a short-term strategy with long-term consequences.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“Work when there is work to do. Rest when you are tired. One thing done in peace will most likely be better than ten things done in panic….I am not a hero if I deny rest; I am only tired.” – Susan McHenry
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
For more on Sleep Debt, see this article from Scientific American: Can You Catch Up On Lost Sleep? at http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=fact-or-fiction-can-you-catch-up-on-sleep
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READERS WRITE:
In response to last week’s message, Surviving Mini Marathon, Pause reader YD writes: Interesting epiphany this morning for me. I’m a trail runner – a long distance trail runner – that’s the sport I love. It’s my frustration burning strategy, my creative / self-connection / meditation / self-love time. Over the years, I’ve developed ways to take care of my body: proper eating, yoga, stretching, sleeping, massage, taper period, etc. I’ve developed many routines to get up the day after, ready to hit the trail again.
I’m also a ‘long distance’ runner at WORK. But I realize now I don’t really have effective ways to take care of me – ways to get up the next day ready to run again. And maybe, just maybe, I should cut down on the distance I ‘run’ at work.
REFLECTION: No doubt you’ve been following the reports on the tragic earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear disaster in Japan. Apparently, one of the most credible voices offering news updates in Japan is Chief Cabinet Secretary, Yukio Edano.
Mr. Edano broadcasts reports on the latest developments an average of five times a day – at all hours of the day and night. His listening audience is growing concerned about his health. They’re noting his tussled hair, beads of sweat on his brow, tired eyes, and a growing weariness in his expression.
They’re expressing their concerns via postings on Twitter encouraging Mr. Edano to step away and get some sleep. (more…)
Something Different
March 22, 2011
While most of my sketches and paintings are fairly light in look and touch, this one takes a different direction. It’s inspired by the contrasting light and shadow in the alley way in Charlotte Amalie, St Thomas USVI. I worked hard to create the darks in this painting of the Royal Dane Mall, but when the brushwork was done it still lacked something. So I grabbed the chisel point Pigma black ink pen and went to work.
I’m pretty happy with the lively result and thinking I might take this approach again. Hope you enjoy the image.
PAUSE – 11.19 – Stopping Starting
March 8, 2011
REFLECTION: More than one study has confirmed that backlogs are an everyday fact of life in today’s overcommitted workplaces – not to mention on the home and community fronts. Despite the fact that we have an inordinate number of irons in the fire at any one time, that doesn’t seem to prevent us from adding more.
Personally, I’ve got a tall stack of books waiting for my attention. That hasn’t stopped me from firing off orders to Amazon or Chapters for yet another interesting volume or two. I’ve got a number of articles partly written, and program ideas partially developed. That doesn’t stop me from grabbing another scrap of paper and scratching out a few thoughts about yet another fresh idea. Over the years, I’ve registered a number of web domain names that seemed like an inspired idea at the time, and then let them languish for lack of attention.
REFLECTION: Last week marked a significant change in my extended family, as my parents moved from their home on the farm into a brand new residence in Saskatoon. My Dad was born in that farmhouse 85 years ago. He lived and worked there for most of his life. My Mom joined him on the farm when they married 60 years ago.
Together they raised a family of six girls, who eventually brought home husbands, grandchildren and more recently great-grandchildren. This last December, 29 of us gathered in that small one-bathroom farm house – all very much aware of the significance of one more Christmas at the farm. The roots run deep and the memories run wide.
The relocation was in the works for a few months. That time was filled with plenty of planning, choosing and deciding. Recent weeks were especially rich in emotion – as years of memorabilia was sifted and sorted – and everyone faced the now near and new realities of a change of place.
We’re definitely not alone in facing change. Every single one of you is dealing with or has dealt with changes of one kind or another – jobs, relationships, living situations, and more. (more…)
PAUSE – 11.17 – Aversion To Stillness
February 22, 2011
REFLECTION:
An aversion to stillness is a growing phenomenon in our plugged in world.
Case in point. I recently facilitated a day in a leadership development program. During the day we were in and out of group work and discussion.
People were pretty conscientious about turning off their cell phone ringers and setting the gadgets to vibrate. So the ‘audible call-out’ distractions were minimized. However, that didn’t stop people from repeatedly reaching for their phones in much the same way as infants reach for their pacifiers – to plug into something that fills the void.
As soon as group discussion wound down, or a break was announced, people grabbed their phones to check on the world outside. This essentially cut out those to their left and right who might want to engage in further interaction. After all, who wants to get between someone and their phone. However, it also robbed the individual of the opportunity to be still with their own thoughts – in the absence of input from the outside world. Who knows what kind of insights might have arisen given half a chance to see the light of day?
An article in last week’s Globe and Mail (see Resource of the Week) describes software that will, in return for your cash, shut down your internet access for a predetermined period of time. For $15 the Anti Social application will turn off your access to social media sites for a time of your choosing. For $10 the Freedom application will keep you from accessing ANY part of the web for up to eight hours.
Has it really come to this that we are so undisciplined – so addicted to input from elsewhere – that we are willing to pay others to handcuff us – to stop us from grasping incessantly for the technology in our lives?
ACTION:
Try taking the ‘Aversion To Stillness’ challenge. See how easy you find it to sit still and do nothing for a full two minutes. Visit: http://www.donothingfor2minutes.com/
What does your success or lack thereof say about your ability to be calmly, totally present to your self and to the moment? Are you pleased with the message?
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“Presence is more than just being there.” – Malcolm S. Forbes
In response to last week’s message, ‘Easily Pleased’, Pause reader June F writes: This reminded me of a conversation that I recently had with my Mom. We were chatting about my Grandfather. She was saying how she still held a grudge of sorts with him because a few times when I was a child (probably going back 30 years now) he had promised to take me to the farm with him, and then he hadn’t shown up. I was shocked, and told her so. I had no recollection of the times that he didn’t show up; but I had such great memories of the times that he did. I’m sure I may have been briefly disappointed as a child. But that disappointment didn’t last long as I moved onto something else to occupy my time and delight myself. Children have such an amazing resilience. I try to remember this each day as I come across something that I could let disappoint me. Usually it’s not worth the time moping about. I quickly move on to something that will bring me joy. Thanks for this reminder to keep this attitude each day.
REFLECTION: An aversion to stillness is a growing phenomenon in our plugged in world.
Case in point. I recently facilitated a day in a leadership development program. The session focused on Modeling The Way & Encouraging the Heart – two essential leadership practices. During the day we were in and out of group work and discussion.
People were pretty conscientious about turning off their cell phone ringers and setting the gadgets to vibrate. So the ‘audible call-out’ distractions were minimized. However, that didn’t stop people from repeatedly reaching for their phones in much the same way as infants reach for their pacifiers – to plug into something that fills the void.
As soon as group discussion wound down, or a break was announced, people grabbed their phones to check on the world outside. This essentially cut out those to their left and right who might want to engage in further interaction. After all, who wants to get between someone and their phone. However, it also robbed the individual of the opportunity to be still with their own thoughts – in the absence of input from the outside world. Who knows what kind of insights might have arisen given half a chance to see the light of day? (more…)
Caribbean Good Times
February 8, 2011
Well, we’re back after a 10 day get away from frosty Saskatchewan to the toasty Caribbean. Quite the shift to leave Florida at plus 27C and arrive back in Saskatoon at minus 23C.
My top five vacation experiences rank up like this:
1. Time away with my sweetheart.
2. Feeling the warm tropical air and watching the coconut palms swaying in the cool ocean breezes.
3. Snorkeling off Grand Turk where the vibrant sea life just off shore shares the drama with a sea wall that reaches down some 7000 feet. On your right sponges, coral and schools of colorful fish. On your left, nothing but the pure azure blue of the deep blue sea. Spectacular!
4. Painting beach and tropical scenes – getting to use the most beautiful blue pigments.
5. Sailing on a catamaran, sipping a rum and coke, bopping along to the reggae music, watching the sun paint the sky as it drops into the sea.
Ah, sweet memories! And now, back to work!
PS – For a peak at a few more paintings from the adventure, see the Colors Of The Caribbean Album on my facebook page.
PAUSE – 11.04 – Trust The Process
January 25, 2011
REFLECTION: This year, 2011, marks my 25th year in business. To celebrate the occasion, I’ve committed myself to writing and publishing my fifth book. ‘Press Pause…Think Again’ is scheduled for release early this fall. It’s going to be similar in style to its older sister, ‘Press Pause…Press On’ – both of them compilations of the most popular Pause messages.
It’s been nine months since I took my first tentative steps on this project. You’d think I might have given birth by now! However, pulling the material together has been an arduous, circuitous, on again, off again process – even though I’ve been down this path before.
Have you noticed that some projects are like that? Slippery? Tough to get a grip? Expanding in possibility one moment, and shifting direction the next? It wasn’t until last week that the organizing structure for the material finally came into focus. And it wasn’t for lack of effort on my part.
Let me recap, so you’ll know what I mean. Last spring, I reviewed the Pause messages from the last six years – some 300 in total. I earmarked those with potential for another book and ended up with 121 of them. Since I only needed 64 for another volume, my first thought was, “Heh – that’s enough for two books!” And so, overnight, the project doubled in size. (more…)
PAUSE – 11.03 – Keeping It Simple
January 18, 2011
REFLECTION: Broker world peace. Jump-start the economy. Cure cancer. Eliminate poverty. Save the planet.
The range of global concerns seems endless. Even our more modest individual goals and ambitions can end up supersized to the max. As inspiring and enervating as big hairy audacious goals can be, they also carry significant weight. And, shouldering the weight of the world can feel overwhelming, crippling and exhausting.
That’s why a FaceBook post this week by my Halifax friend and speaker colleague, Peter Davison, struck me so positively.
Peter wrote: Go forth, do good, return home, stay blessed. Repeat as necessary.
It’s an approach to daily life and a plan of action that’s blazingly simple and eminently doable. (more…)
PAUSE -11.02- A Slice Of Humble Pie
January 11, 2011
REFLECTION:
Last fall, I gifted my grandson with a subscription to a popular children’s magazine. I received, in return, a postcard to send the little guy indicating that the magazines would soon be on their way. I mailed him the postcard and also told him what to expect.
When I checked repeatedly with his Mom through the late fall and early winter about whether the magazines had started arriving, the answer was always no. In fact, they never even received the postcard announcement of the gift itself.
So, now, three months later, I finally decided it was time to call the magazine offices and demand an explanation. Irritated would be a pretty accurate description of my state of mind. I grew even more irritated by the time I held through the voice mail queue to lodge my complaint with James, a real live agent. bI laid out my problem fact by fact – in a tone that may have held just the slightest of edges.
On looking up my subscription account number, James immediately explained the situation. Turns out I had provided the right street address, but the wrong postal code, so the magazines had bounced back as undeliverable. The third time this happened, the distributor investigated, discovered the error, corrected the postal code, and had already graciously extended the subscription by the missing three months. The first magazine of the new year was already on its way to the corrected destination.
I thanked James for handling the situation so well, and apologized for my error. All set to point the finger of blame, I had no one to aim it at but myself.
ACTION:
I know I’m not the only person out there prone to jumping to conclusions. You may have experienced ‘a leap of sanctimony’ a time or two yourself. Self righteous indignation raises its ugly head in small ways and large ways both in the workplace and on the homefront. And, it’s such a colossal waste of energy with a strong likelihood of collateral damage.
Here are my reminder ‘Note To Self’ rules for tackling life’s sticky altercations:
* Speak up sooner rather than later when something goes awry.
* Don’t automatically ascribe incompetence on the part of others.
* Never assume that an error is entirely someone else’s fault.
* Explore what part I may have played in causing the problem.
* Be prepared to take or share responsibility for making things right.
P.S. In case it’s been a while, and you might have forgotten, I can tell you that humble pie has a unique flavor all its own!
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QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up.” – John C. Maxwell
I would rather the man who presents something for my consideration subject me to a zephyr of truth and a gentle breeze of responsibility rather than blow me down with a curtain of hot wind.” – Grover Cleveland
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READERS WRITE:
In response to last week’s message, What’s Your Intention, Pause reader JG writes: This message is so fortuitous. I was just discussing choosing a word for the year with a friend. I realized I had already chosen mine while writing in my journal at year’s end. My word is LIGHT. To me it means to let the light in, spirituality, physically and emotionally; to follow my light; to share my light with the world; and to lighten up and enjoy the ride, to see the lighter side of things. I put this in motion by easing myself back into things on my first day back at work in a fairly stressed environment. I took the first half hour to read and lighten my expectations. I invited staff out for coffee first thing in the morning to lighten up the start to the work week. I lightened up our regularly scheduled meetings. And, on a personal note, I am lightening up on what I eat for supper (more salads please) and will hopefully lighten up the reading on the scale after my Christmas indulgences.
PS 2 – If you’ve been pondering your word for the year, I can tell you that these are some of the words that Pause readers tell me they have chosen to guide their direction for 2011: Thankfulness, Focus, Change, Reinforcement, Adventure, Reflection, Patience, Connection, and Gratitude
REFLECTION: Last fall, I gifted my grandson with a subscription to a popular children’s magazine. I received, in return, a postcard to send the little guy indicating that the magazines would soon be on their way. I mailed him the postcard and also told him what to expect.
When I checked repeatedly with his Mom through the late fall and early winter about whether the magazines had started arriving, the answer was always no. In fact, they never even received the postcard announcement of the gift itself.
So, now, three months later, I finally decided it was time to call the magazine offices and demand an explanation. Irritated would be a pretty accurate description of my state of mind. I grew even more irritated by the time I held through the voice mail queue to eventually lodge my complaint with James, a real live agent. I laid out my problem fact by fact – in a tone that may have held just the slightest of edges.
On looking up my subscription account number, James immediately explained the situation. (more…)
REFLECTION: It seems that part of living is learning to say good bye. I bid farewell last week to a former colleague and mentor, Harold Baker, with whom I had worked at the U of S years ago, and with whom I had kept in touch over the years. Harold, as testimonials at his memorial service confirmed, was a kind man, a gentleman, a selfless giver, a mentor, a teacher, and, above all, a community builder.
REFLECTION: No doubt you’ve been following the reports on the tragic earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear disaster in Japan. Apparently, one of the most credible voices offering news updates in Japan is Chief Cabinet Secretary, Yukio Edano.
While most of my sketches and paintings are fairly light in look and touch, this one takes a different direction. It’s inspired by the contrasting light and shadow in the alley way in Charlotte Amalie, St Thomas USVI. I worked hard to create the darks in this painting of the Royal Dane Mall, but when the brushwork was done it still lacked something. So I grabbed the chisel point Pigma black ink pen and went to work.
REFLECTION: More than one study has confirmed that backlogs are an everyday fact of life in today’s overcommitted workplaces – not to mention on the home and community fronts. Despite the fact that we have an inordinate number of irons in the fire at any one time, that doesn’t seem to prevent us from adding more.
REFLECTION: Last week marked a significant change in my extended family, as my parents moved from their home on the farm into a brand new residence in Saskatoon. My Dad was born in that farmhouse 85 years ago. He lived and worked there for most of his life. My Mom joined him on the farm when they married 60 years ago.
REFLECTION: An aversion to stillness is a growing phenomenon in our plugged in world.
Well, we’re back after a 10 day get away from frosty Saskatchewan to the toasty Caribbean. Quite the shift to leave Florida at plus 27C and arrive back in Saskatoon at minus 23C.
REFLECTION: This year, 2011, marks my 25th year in business. To celebrate the occasion, I’ve committed myself to writing and publishing my fifth book. ‘Press Pause…Think Again’ is scheduled for release early this fall. It’s going to be similar in style to its older sister, ‘Press Pause…Press On’ – both of them compilations of the most popular Pause messages.
REFLECTION: Broker world peace. Jump-start the economy. Cure cancer. Eliminate poverty. Save the planet.
REFLECTION: Last fall, I gifted my grandson with a subscription to a popular children’s magazine. I received, in return, a postcard to send the little guy indicating that the magazines would soon be on their way. I mailed him the postcard and also told him what to expect.