perspective

REFLECTION & ACTION: In the early years of my business, I received an invitation for a ten-day, ten-city seminar tour. It was a tempting offer.

I spent several hours on the phone quizzing colleagues about their experiences and asking for their advice. Should I accept? Should I decline? Toward the end of my quest for insight, a wise colleague observed that I already had all the information. She suggested I needed to be quiet with myself. Then I’d know what to do.

She was right. I had been busy, busy, busy gathering evidence to support what I already knew intuitively in my gut: This engagement wasn’t a good fit for me.

It’s possible to find plenty of good information and useful questions out there. The real gems are buried in our own hearts and minds. The toughest part is to be still and quiet enough to hear our own words of wisdom.

The next time you face a confusing challenge, grab a sheet of paper and a pen. Take ten minutes in a quiet spot. Write yourself a letter advising your best course of action.

If you can silence your critical, confusing, chaotic self-talk long enough to tune into your wisest voice of sanity, you’ll find that it’s been there all along. You probably already know what you need to stop, start, or continue. Listen with care and be thankful for that inner voice of wisdom. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Why did the chicken cross the road? Could it be that in her efforts to lay more eggs, the poor bird found herself spinning out of control? Caught up in a frenzy of flapping and fussing, she flew the coop and hit the highway – losing both her why and her way!

It happens. The flying feathers scenario reminds me of a cartoon that features an old-time manager mentoring a newcomer on the need to look busy in the workplace. The old-timer schools the novice in the fine art of rushing and paper-carrying, stressing both are vital to success in the ultramodern, ultrabusy workplace.

Given this mindset, it’s not surprising that Bruch & Goshal’s study of managerial effectiveness concluded that only 10 percent of the managers they studied spent their time in committed, purposeful, and reflective ways. Yikes!

According to these researchers, managerial effectiveness needs two things: (1) focus (targeted action and follow through) partnered with (2) energy (the vigor that comes with strong personal commitment). Distracted managers who pour great gobs of energy into poorly focused tasks confuse a frenzy of activity—such as briskly carrying papers—with purposeful action.

If you, like the poor misguided chicken or the managers studied by Bruch & Goshal, find yourself running off in all directions with little to show for it, flapping harder may not be your best approach. Slow down, check your position, consult your plan, and rethink your intentions.

Just those simple actions will help you avoid a chicken-with-its-head-cut-off approach to life. All flap, no focus! All fuss, no egg! (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Have you ever promised those who are important in your life (including yourself) that you’ll have time for them soon? Soon is a nebulous time that never seems to roll around.

Setting targets can shift the balance. Try these approaches: Set one date a week with your partner, plan a special monthly event with each of your youngsters, hold Monday nights for a yoga class (no exceptions), or reserve Friday evenings as veg-out time.

Take the same approach in the professional arena. Don’t let promises to learn that new software program fall by the wayside. Book an appointment with yourself for the first half hour every Thursday and work your way through the tutorial 30 minutes at a time for the next six weeks.

Are you losing touch with colleagues or employees? Make lunch on Friday your plug-in point. Invite a different colleague to join you each week. Use the time to strengthen that relationship.

Choose what works for you. Create your own targets for connection, development, and renewal. Enter your target activities in your calendar and honor them as you would any high-priority commitment. (more…)

Reflection & Action: Imagine a page with text spilling off the edges. Imagine a schedule crammed solid with meetings from morning to night. Imagine your clothes fitted so tightly there’s no room to breathe. Imagine a car without bumpers. The result? No place to rest your eyes, no ease, no grace, no protection from the bumps and bruises of life.

So it is in a life without buffers. Dr. Richard Swenson⁶ suggests that in our preoccupation with speed and progress we end up sacrificing our margins. Margin is that difference between your load and your limits (i.e.- physical and emotional energy, finances, and time). Think of it as the reserve space, or leeway in your life.

Living a ‘just in time’ existence at the edge of your resources can be exciting, but it comes with a cost. It leaves no cushion for tough times, surprises, unexpected problems or opportunities. And, as any high speed adventurer knows, crash without padding, and you will come to know pain on a first name basis.

Do you know and honor your own limits. In handling resources of time, money, or energy, at what point do you shift from swimming with strength, confidence and direction to drown-proofing, and then to drowning?  Even tiny margins (a few extra minutes, a few extra dollars, or a few extra winks) can make a big difference in how fast and how often you hit bottom.

Build in margins in small, doable ways. Leave a few minutes early for your next appointment. Stop working on a project before you reach the point of complete exhaustion. Make your next purchase well within your means rather than pushing to the outside limit of your bank account. (more…)

Reflection & Action: It was a poor day to renew my driver’s license. At the insurance office, problems with the phone lines made credit and debit card transactions impossible. Customers dug for cheques and scrounged spare cash, or dashed down the block to the cash machine.

The cashiers did their best, but progress was slow. A fellow who arrived just moments after I entered the queue did not appreciate the delay. Like a bull in the paddock, he shifted from foot to foot, snorting and pawing the ground.  Jingling the change in his pocket and rustling the papers in his hand did nothing to calm his jangling nerves. Neither did repeated checks of his wristwatch. Even the disgusted glares he zinged at the cashiers brought him no relief.

Just a couple of minutes after his arrival, a newcomer fell in line behind the restless rustler. In the loudest possible voice, the raging bull cautioned the woman that he hoped she’d brought a book and planned to spend the day, because he’d been waiting in line all morning!!!

In less than five minutes, it was my turn at the counter. I leaned in close to the cashier and told her I hoped she had 911 on her speed dial, as I thought our friend, the raging bull, was about to pop an artery. She chuckled and rolled her eyes, clearly relieved to find an understanding customer with a sense of humor.

Life is full of delays and detours. We ought not to be surprised when we hit a speed bump. When life does not unfold as expected, forget snorting and pawing the ground. Look for the humor. Empathize with others caught in the bind. There are always other responses beyond the first frustrated reaction. (more…)

Reflection & Action: When the load is too heavy, and life is not as you wish it to be, it’s tempting to hope that someone else will read your mind, and solve your problems.

As much as you might dream of a dramatic rescue, white knights on chargers are hard to come by these days.  And, a lot of potential white knights are having a tough time staying on their horses. The ride is just too wild.

If you really want a different outcome, you cannot bite the bullet, suffer in silence and hope for the best.

What to do? Collect and share real information about the situation. Actively negotiate options, set reasonable limits, shift deadlines, and draw on extra resources. Talk directly to those who control the situation – don’t just complain to those who are game to commiserate but who have little or no power and influence.

If you are the one ‘in charge’, make it ‘safe to say’. When you react positively to those who speak their minds and hearts, more people will be more direct. You will hear about real concerns and have access to real information – not just want others think you want to hear. This will help you make clearer assessments and helpful adjustments to ease the frustrations of the moment.

Together with those who really tell it like it is, you create better circumstances now and build more trust and capacity for the future. (more…)

Reflection & Action: As I set up for my early morning seminar, one of the attendees arrived in a very sorry state. He was literally shaking and vibrating. I stopped my preparations to see if he was all right.

It turned out he had just navigated one of the busiest freeways in the city to get to the program. He lives in a rural area, and the non-stop, high-speed, horn-honking traffic had pushed him far outside his comfort zone.

What bothered him most was the way the other drivers cut in front of his vehicle. When I asked why people cutting in front irritated him so much, he looked at me like I was from Mars and exclaimed, “Because they’ll get there before I do!”

Now the real source of his frustration was apparent. In his mind, he’d run and lost a race, and he was livid.

I suggested he think about freeway driving as a dance rather than a race. Someone cuts in front … presto, new partner! One driver cuts from the left and another from the right … and doh-si-doh, you’re dancing the butterfly! Tail lights flash up ahead … brake dancer!

In truth, whether he raced or danced, the trip would have taken the same amount of time.  However, his state of mind on arrival would have been completely different. He would have been present to the more positive aspect of the experience.

Instead of having run the Indy 500 and lost, he would have danced all the way to the conference room and been entertained. Sometimes the pressure is all in our minds! (more…)

Love this observation by Dewitt Jones about the visual gifts life is presenting him with as a photographer. I think it applies to life in general:

“I don’t have to know. Something is happening and I’m having too much fun following it. I’ll just try and show up every day with all my receptors open. No brakes. No judgments. I don’t want to miss any of the gifts.”

You can read the entire article online in Outdoor Photographer.

Editor’s Note: Since it received such a positive response last year, once again during the months of July and August, your weekly Pause will feature nine messages from the ‘Best Of Pause’. These are readers’ favorite messages from the earliest years of the Pause e-zine.

Featuring these Pause Gems will give me a bit of a breather to regroup, research, and develop some great new material. It will also introduce our more recent subscribers to some of those early ideas.

Whether you are a long time subscriber, or new to the list, I sincerely hope you enjoy these gems. Have a wonderful summer. I’ll be back again in September with your regular Pause format featuring all new info and resources.

Reflection & Action: Conference over. Sleep long. Body rested. Hot shower. Room-service breakfast. Travel day. Check schedule. Oops!

If I’m taking the airport shuttle, I’ve got 30 minutes to dry hair, dress, pack clothes and conference collectibles, pay bill, check out, and get on board. I shift into serious hustling mode. Heart rate rises as the clock speeds on. Then brain kicks in.

Shuttle leaves in less than 30 minutes. It winds through a 60 minute, multi-stop route to the airport. Cabs leave any time, head directly for the airport, and take 20 minutes on a sleepy Sunday morning.

Price of shuttle? $12. Price of cab? $24. Price of sanity? The difference – just $12. Who says you can’t buy time – and peace of mind? (more…)

Reflection: What does the phrase, Truth and Reconciliation, mean to you? I’ve always associated the process with large-scale social issues. However, I’m beginning to see how it could apply to our attempts to create more balance in our everyday lives.

The concept first came to my attention (and maybe yours, too) during the mid ‘90s in news from South Africa. Over the course of several years, public and private hearings gave citizens a forum to air the truth and trauma of their experiences under the apartheid regime.

Here in Canada, a similar process is underway at this very moment, as First Nations people share the impact of their experiences with the residential school system.

In both cases, the intention is similar: to heal deep wounds and build a more inclusive, equitable, respectful future.

In our daily lives and workplaces, T&R might apply in situations like these. (more…)