wellness

University Bridge - Saskatoon

Reflection: Awfulizing: The act of blanketing an event or circumstance with a black cloud, assuming the absolute worst, and actively driving mind and heart into a downward spiral of doom. Been there? Done that?

Some time ago, I wrote about the concept of Discretionary Burdens – worries which may or may not be real. The DB’s are a common outcome of awfulizing. The DB idea generated a strong reaction, which prompted me to develop a DB quiz and work it into my presentations on stress, wellness and balance.

I thought you might enjoy checking your own practices for DB tendencies. Give yourself 1 point for each question to which you can answer ‘Yes’.

1. Have you ever exploded one small comment or action into a great big hairy deal?
2. Have you ever turned something you like to do into something you have to do?
3. In the absence of information have you ever made up your own?
4. Have you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror on an ordinary day, and wondered who is that miserable so and so and who peed in their cornflakes?
5. Have you ever translated a whiff of unsettling news into a full-blown disaster scenario?

Scoring Code: The closer to 5, the greater your awfulizing tendencies and the more you could be stressing yourself out unnecessarily. (more…)

Reflection: Meet Gil and Soto. They run the Breakfast Room at the Best Western Arroyo Roble in beautiful Sedona, Arizona. It’s a busy spot with travellers coming and going – solo business folks in a hurry, retired couples with all the time in the world, active families in hiking gear eager to hit the red rock country trails.

Over the years, I’ve stayed at a number of ‘breakfast included’ hotels. The quality of the food has varied, but what has been pretty consistent is the lackadaisical, ‘I’d rather be anywhere else than here’, atmosphere set by the staff who manage the service.

That’s what makes Gil and Soto stand out. In the midst of the busy morning press (greeting guests, answering questions, orienting new comers, replenishing food trays, clearing tables), they are unfailingly smiling, welcoming, and helpful.

On our last morning, I told Gil how much I appreciated the way he and Soto went about their jobs. He commented that he’d learned a thing or two over his many years in the workplace. He noted that coming to work with a smile on his face and a desire to be of service to others makes all the difference in how people respond and in the way he experiences the pressures of the work itself.

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Reflection: A recent movie featuring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman popularized the idea of the Bucket List – a set of experiences you hope/plan/long to have before you die (AKA ‘kicking the bucket’). Bucket Lists tend to feature splashy adventures and stretch experiences – the things that dreams are made of!

I actually find another bucket metaphor equally intriguing.  It’s an idea put forward by authors Rath and Clifton who suggest that each of us owns an invisible bucket and an invisible dipper. As we move through our lives, we are constantly filling or draining each other’s buckets of positive emotion – based on what we do and say.

We can top up another’s bucket with a positive comment or drain their bucket with a thoughtless action. Our interactions with others are rarely neutral – and those actions reflectively enhance or diminish our own levels in the process. As in, filling another’s bucket tops up our own bucket, too. And vice versa.

A full bucket generates positive outlooks and plenty of energy. An empty bucket spawns sour outlooks and gorbs of apathy.

Action: I like the image and I appreciate the idea. However, I suggest we take it one step further. (more…)

Reflection: Have you ever found yourself hoping against all hope, that a great big honking chunk of open time would drop into your lap?

Well the chance of a bonus hour, day or week presenting itself is slim. And so I continue to be intrigued, when people tell me that their lives could be so much better and happier IF they just had more time – time to exercise, time to eat right, time to take a vacation, time to visit with friends, time to get the jump on a project at work or at home.

I’m starting to believe, that it’s more about the choice than it is about the time. You know we’ve all got the same 24 hours. Nothing new there.

Still, every minute of our day we make choices that are either expeditious or auspicious. Expeditious: dispatched with speed and efficiency. Auspicious: conducive to future success. Expeditious and auspicious aren’t always in conflict, but neither do they always lead to the same outcome. In both cases, consequences follow.

You’re late. So you toss your partner a harried ‘See you later’ over your shoulder instead of pausing to exchange a warm embrace and loving kiss. Time diff: 30 seconds.

You’re hungry. You grab a bag of potato chips and flip the lid off the high cal dip, instead of making the extra effort to dig further into the fridge for that bag of ready-to-eat carrots. Time diff: 1 minute (more…)

Reflection: So, what do ya’ think? Or do you?

In our go-go, what’s next, action-oriented world, down time for tapping in to our inner world of thoughts and feelings can be hard to find. In some cases, compared to the get ‘er done action mentality, time to rest and reflect is seen as wasteful not valuable.

The brain science case for the value of pause is growing. In idle mode (when daydreaming and letting your mind wander), the brain is active in different ways. Instead of reacting to new stuff on the incoming track, it hums along connecting our mind’s storehouse of experiences, ideas, and emotions – making sense and making meaning.

If you want to consolidate what you’re learning, imagine possibilities, stay in tune with your emotional state, assess whether a course of action is a sound moral or ethical choice, give your brain a chance to do its thing.

Step away from external commotion and outside input. Drop inside and let your brain idle for a while.

Action: Here are five ways to give your brain a mental breather and turn your focus inward. (more…)

Reflection: Have you ever tried to force the world (i.e – everything and everyone else) in your direction? That is, to plan, organize, coordinate, or coerce towards particular outcomes that you have in mind. Not infrequently, ‘the world’ has other ideas.

Over the years, I’ve learned that frustrating myself is not really a preferred state, and that there is an alternate approach called, ‘Let Go & Let Flow’. I was reminded how sweet an experience that can be on this summer’s Rocky Mountain adventure with my youngest daughter, Lindsay.

Back in April, we set the intention for a mother-daughter get away. We arranged three things: time on our calendars, childcare for her young son, and a cabin at Paradise Bungalows. As for the rest, we let it go and let it flow.

We had an awesome adventure as the world unfolded around us in the most serendipitous ways:

• My oldest daughter and her husband returned from their summer vacation the day before we traveled through Calgary, providing a place to overnight and a chance to get caught up on their news.
• West coast brother and sister in law were in Calgary for a wedding, and able to spring themselves from the festivities long enough to share a coffee and a visit while we were in town.
• On our first day at Lake Louise, the sun shone on our hike up to Agnes Lake and during our rest at the Tea House at the top. Just moments after we returned to our cabin, the skies burst and the rain thundered down. By then we were in the mood for a hot soak and a nap accompanied by the soothing sounds of rain pounding on the roof (and, thankfully, not on our heads).
• The Baker Creek Bistro re-opened the week of our visit and offered the most spectacular smoked trout pasta – and a bonus black bear sighting en route to dinner.
• Despite the busyness of the August season in the Rockies, parking spots magically appeared every single time we needed one – without fail.

And so it went.

I can take no credit whatsoever for any of these lucky circumstances. All the planning in the world wouldn’t have guaranteed those outcomes. But resting in the possibilities of the moment and being willing to go with the flow made for an easy enjoyable journey. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: To try or not to try—that is the question! A fine line can be drawn between mastery and ceaseless striving, and an even finer line between giving up and letting go. The distinction rests in action and control. Consider these four scenarios.

When you find yourself in a situation in which you have some control and you take action, you are on the road to mastery. You’ve chosen a strong direction and a fine destination.

When you keep pushing in a situation in which you have no control, you beat your head against the proverbial brick wall. Your ceaseless striving yields bruises and headaches.

In a situation in which you have control and you do nothing, you’re throwing up your hands and giving up. This action is sometimes appropriate—one can only summon the energy for so many struggles at once. However, when used as a constant pattern, you run the risk of bouncing around at the whim of the world.

When you have no control over an outcome or decision and you stop trying to push, shove and conquer, you are letting go. It’s often a wise choice in a powerless situation.

To live, think, and work effectively, exercise your influence in the areas in which you have control. Once you’ve reviewed your options and done your due diligence, then make your decision and act. That’s mastery!

Let go of the rest. You won’t help yourself or others if you continue to fret and stew about situations that are far beyond your influence and control. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: In the early years of my business, I received an invitation for a ten-day, ten-city seminar tour. It was a tempting offer.

I spent several hours on the phone quizzing colleagues about their experiences and asking for their advice. Should I accept? Should I decline? Toward the end of my quest for insight, a wise colleague observed that I already had all the information. She suggested I needed to be quiet with myself. Then I’d know what to do.

She was right. I had been busy, busy, busy gathering evidence to support what I already knew intuitively in my gut: This engagement wasn’t a good fit for me.

It’s possible to find plenty of good information and useful questions out there. The real gems are buried in our own hearts and minds. The toughest part is to be still and quiet enough to hear our own words of wisdom.

The next time you face a confusing challenge, grab a sheet of paper and a pen. Take ten minutes in a quiet spot. Write yourself a letter advising your best course of action.

If you can silence your critical, confusing, chaotic self-talk long enough to tune into your wisest voice of sanity, you’ll find that it’s been there all along. You probably already know what you need to stop, start, or continue. Listen with care and be thankful for that inner voice of wisdom. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Why did the chicken cross the road? Could it be that in her efforts to lay more eggs, the poor bird found herself spinning out of control? Caught up in a frenzy of flapping and fussing, she flew the coop and hit the highway – losing both her why and her way!

It happens. The flying feathers scenario reminds me of a cartoon that features an old-time manager mentoring a newcomer on the need to look busy in the workplace. The old-timer schools the novice in the fine art of rushing and paper-carrying, stressing both are vital to success in the ultramodern, ultrabusy workplace.

Given this mindset, it’s not surprising that Bruch & Goshal’s study of managerial effectiveness concluded that only 10 percent of the managers they studied spent their time in committed, purposeful, and reflective ways. Yikes!

According to these researchers, managerial effectiveness needs two things: (1) focus (targeted action and follow through) partnered with (2) energy (the vigor that comes with strong personal commitment). Distracted managers who pour great gobs of energy into poorly focused tasks confuse a frenzy of activity—such as briskly carrying papers—with purposeful action.

If you, like the poor misguided chicken or the managers studied by Bruch & Goshal, find yourself running off in all directions with little to show for it, flapping harder may not be your best approach. Slow down, check your position, consult your plan, and rethink your intentions.

Just those simple actions will help you avoid a chicken-with-its-head-cut-off approach to life. All flap, no focus! All fuss, no egg! (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Have you ever promised those who are important in your life (including yourself) that you’ll have time for them soon? Soon is a nebulous time that never seems to roll around.

Setting targets can shift the balance. Try these approaches: Set one date a week with your partner, plan a special monthly event with each of your youngsters, hold Monday nights for a yoga class (no exceptions), or reserve Friday evenings as veg-out time.

Take the same approach in the professional arena. Don’t let promises to learn that new software program fall by the wayside. Book an appointment with yourself for the first half hour every Thursday and work your way through the tutorial 30 minutes at a time for the next six weeks.

Are you losing touch with colleagues or employees? Make lunch on Friday your plug-in point. Invite a different colleague to join you each week. Use the time to strengthen that relationship.

Choose what works for you. Create your own targets for connection, development, and renewal. Enter your target activities in your calendar and honor them as you would any high-priority commitment. (more…)