success

My Thoughts:

So many of our everyday exchanges are predictable, dull and matter of fact.

What if we made it our business to add a bit more warmth or life to our conversations?

A smile. A compliment. A light hearted remark. A genuine expression of concern.

Each effort on our part could make a huge difference to someone else.

Your Thoughts:

What could you do or say that might leave someone smiling today?

What will you do?

And who are those people with the goofy grins on their faces as you walk out the door?

News Notes:

One of the reasons that I write these weekly Pause messages is that I know they bring a touch of sanity to an overwhelming world.

Many of you tell me how much you value Pause as a breath of fresh air in the middle of your week.

I’m eager to extend the impact of Pause, and would appreciate your help in growing the list of subscribers. (more…)

Reflection: On our recent cruise vacation, Dave and I shared dinner each evening with the same three couples.

All came from different parts of the world, all were congenial and good humored, and all had interesting backstories to their lives.

Over the course of the trip, we looked forward to the nightly connection – swapping tales about our day’s excursions and life in general.

As our adventure drew to a close, I wondered how best to let them know how much we appreciated their company. In the end, I sketched a postcard for each couple. Each sketch was different and each one represented a unique aspect of that couple’s interests.

I signed them, added a personal note to the back of each card, and presented them at our last dinner together. The postcards were a colossal hit.

I was actually surprised at how deeply they were appreciated. To me, the ideas for the cards came easily, and I enjoyed making them. It felt like no big deal. I found myself curious about what prompted the strength of their reactions.

It occurred to me that one of the reasons could be that creating and sharing the cards was a direct expression of a few of my strengths: appreciation, creativity, and thoughtfulness. There seems to be an authenticity, an ease, and a deep connection that arises when we’re acting from the core of who we are.

Action: So what’s to be gleaned from this experience at sea? (more…)

Reflection: For several decades now I’ve been a student of productivity, effectiveness, balance and other things related to living ‘the good life’. As you may have noticed, there is no shortage of info on this topic.

Each time I hear about a new book in this area or see a magazine with a related article, I find myself drawn to check it out. I’m always hoping that there might be a new technique, a new idea, a new strategy– an insider secret that would be helpful to me that I could share with you.

At this point in my research I often find myself more disappointed than delighted. New expressions of longstanding ideas is often the best I can find.

And that leads me to consider that what we need may not be more information, but more execution. We need to act on what we already know pays off. And that thought led me to consider, ‘What is it that works?’

Action: To boil down 30 years of digging around in this area, here is my shortlist legacy of learnings about leading a productive, balanced and meaningful life. (more…)

Reflection: Sometimes our best intentions and our everyday actions are not that well aligned.

A few cases in point:

• We say, ‘To make a long story short…’ and then we make a short story long.
• We feel virtuous about stocking up on healthy fruit and vegetables. But, do we eat them? No, we just let them waste away.
• We buy new running shoes and set up the treadmill, and then let them collect dust in the corner.
• We repeatedly show up late to appointments because there is always ‘something unexpected’ that gets in our way.

I recently led a training session for a group of leaders. They started the day by sharing how much they had been learning about the importance of being present to their staff – listening and attending with care. Many of them then proceeded to spend a big chunk of our time together flipping through messages and texting on their smart phones.

At the root of the issue is the quality of our self awareness – the ability to see ourselves as we really are. It’s an essential skill, but one that can be tough to cultivate.

Because we’re privy to our intentions – spoken and unspoken – we cut ourselves a LOT of slack. We credit ourselves with points for our good intentions and don’t deduct points for our less than ideal behaviors.

What really matters most, though, is our actions. And it is those actions that build or destroy our health or our relationships and establish our character – both on the inside and through the eyes of others.

Action: How do you get better at self awareness and alignment? (more…)

Reflection: Every once in a while, an experience rolls around that lifts us up – if we let it work its magic. A few years ago, I was named to the Canadian Speakers Hall of Fame. Arriving at the podium after my name had been called, I struggled to pull myself together so that I might offer a few words of appreciation. A colleague on stage behind me leaned forward and whispered two words in my direction: “Own it!”

It was such a powerful phrase, uttered at such an emotional moment, that I’ve never forgotten it. That idea allowed me to step into the honor that was directed my way and to try it on for size.

Artist Owen Swain notes that many people have developed the habit of downplaying their abilities and contributions. He observes: People who are artists kill or stilt the gift by endless comparison. They say, “If only I drew/painted like you. So and so has a big blog following, is selling at Gallery Fancy Schmancy, or has a CV the length of Highway 401. Me? I just make scratches in my sketchbook.”

It’s not just creative types who are susceptible to minimizing their success and downplaying their contributions. I’ve seen this behavior put in an appearance in many different occupations and roles. Maybe you are that person, yourself, or perhaps you know someone who has developed this dispiriting habit.

Action: We live in a world where life experiences can wear us down – leaving us feeling overwhelmed or undervalued. ‘Owning It’ can be a helpful, uplifting counterpoint.

Try owning your skills and owning your offerings. Own what you have done in the past, and what you are doing now.

Take pleasure in your contributions. Enjoy the fact that you are able to put some of your best skills to work in the service of others – or simply able to use those abilities for the sheer joy of it.

Encourage those around you to do the same. Let them know how you see them, and how you value what they do and who they are.

When you help yourself and others ‘Own It’, you’ll see how that practice builds enthusiasm and confidence for what comes next.

Quotes Of The Week: We can’t stop comparing ourselves to others by trying to stop. We can only fall in love with our own adventure more. – Tara Mohr

Own who you are. – Owen Swain

Resource Of The Week: If you stress yourself with feelings of inadequacy because you don’t seem to be living up to the ideal you have in mind, you might find an idea or two to address that challenge in Tara Mohr’s article: If you Find Yourself Comparing Yourself To Others.

Incidentally, Mohr has just released her new book titled, Playing Big. Looks like it might be an interesting read.

Readers Write: In response to the recent message, Doubting Your Value? Know That You Matter, Pause readers JM writes: Your pause made me think about the movie, Midnight in Paris. The main character magically travels back in time to the 1920s during the time of Picasso and Hemingway, seeing that as the best time. When we are nostalgic for a time other than our own we are not celebrating our life currently. We wish for a time when we think we might be more special, happier, acknowledged.

Reflection: I do value the Task List/Reminder List on my electronic calendar. Still, if I work and think only at the level of small individual tasks, I end up feeling like I’m stuck in the weeds or mired in the swamp. No matter how many of those bits and pieces get accomplished (write this, call him, brief her, deliver that), there are always ten more items flooding in to take their place.

To catch my breath and get a grip, I need to rise above the small task minutiae. I need access to the big picture, and, like oxygen, I need it often.

Here’s a practice that’s worked for me. I’ve cultivated the habit of taking twenty minutes at the beginning of each month to cultivate that higher level view; and I take another ten minutes at the beginning of each week to take stock for the next seven days.

I remind myself of my larger goals for the year. I look over the calendar for the next few months or weeks. I think about the season of the year and the rhythm of my work.

I sift. I sort. And, I actually write by hand a brief list of things to focus on for work, family, community and myself over the coming month or the coming week.

Then each day before I dive into the accumulated bits and pieces on my task list, I look at the overview for the week and use that big picture to keep things in perspective. I try to make sure that the task list on most days includes at least an item or two that contribute to those big picture points of focus. It helps…a lot! (more…)

Reflection: Our pursuit of success has both an upside and a downside – a bright side and a dark side.

The very same impulses that drive us to success (a commitment to showing up, the ambition to get ahead, and a desire to make a difference) are the very same impulses that can drive us to excess (taking on too many things at once, working ourselves to exhaustion, and driving ourselves and those around us crazy in the process).

In our pursuit of success and significance, it’s far too easy to lose our focus and to lose our way – to end up feel overwhelmed and overloaded.

Trying to handle the situation with traditional time management tools only makes a small dint in this experience. Goal setting, prioritizing, delegation, and techno efficiency will only take us so far.

If we want to be sustainably productive, we need to concern ourselves with other equally important elements of productivity:

• Maintaining perspective
• Developing presence
• Tapping into peace of mind

Action: Pay close attention to perspective, presence and peace of mind as you make your way through today:

• Remember why the things you are working on matter.
• Take satisfaction as you move projects forward – even if they aren’t yet complete.
• Be present to the people who share your world and your work.
• Tune in your body and your thoughts; and answer the call when they signal what you need.
• Tap into that invisible ‘river of peace’ that flows at your feet every moment of every day.

Quote Of The Week: Could we stop measuring our days by degree of productivity and start experiencing them by degree of presence? – Yours Truly

Our entire society can be changed by one person’s peaceful presence. – Thich Nhat Hanh

Resource Of The Week: You might find this article by Lori Deschene of interest: Productivity & Happiness – Why Are We So Busy?

Readers Write: In response to last week’s message, What Can You Learn From A Toddler On Overload, Pause reader JO writes:  “I am not sure who said this or coined it but if I have an important meeting or event it’s important to HALT and do an internal check. Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (HALT)? If so I take care of it prior to that important event or meeting!”

I did a little sleuthing on attribution, JO, and it seems this acronym is most strongly associated with treatment programs for chemical dependency. The thought here is that when we are in weakened states (as in HALT) we are more likely to make poor choices. When you recognize and take care of those needs, you improve the likelihood of making more thoughtful, healthy and sustainable choices.

Reflection: One of the ways we add to the mental and emotional overload in our lives is by making promises we’re unlikely to keep.

For example, you run into an old friend or an ex-colleague on the street. You’re both super excited to see each other. You spend the next 20 minutes swapping news and bringing each other up to date.

At the end of the exchange, you say, “I’m so glad we ran into each other. This has been great. We should get together soon for (pick one) coffee, a drink, dinner.” Your friend agrees, smiles and nods, and you go your separate ways.

It was a great visit. That’s true. But, now there’s a ‘thing’ between you.

What kind of thing, you ask? A promise, a commitment, a spoken intention to act. And the central question is whether you will or whether you won’t follow through.

Sure, your intentions were good, as they are in so many instances. But, time is limited, and we’re easily distracted. Before you know it, days, weeks, months, even years go by – and the thing – that unmet promise still hangs in the air and follows you around.

Multiply the number of ‘things promised but not delivered’ in our lives and the weight of expectation grows heavy.

What’s equally problematic, is that our integrity takes a hit in the eyes of others. We become that person who talks a good line but rarely follows through.

Action: What to do? (more…)

Reflection & Action: Race to the shower Race to the closet. Race to the coffee pot. Race to the car. Race to work. Race to a meeting. Race to lunch. Race to the dentist. Race back to work. Race to another meeting and then another meeting. Race to the dry cleaner. Race to the supermarket. Race home. Race through dinner. Race youngster number one to soccer practice, youngster number two to a music lesson, and yourself to a community meeting. Race home again. Collapse into bed. Wake up tomorrow and start the race all over again.

Does anything about that race sound familiar? How much of your day do you spend, meeting yourself coming and going?

In the hustle and pressure of daily life, it’s so easy to be anywhere else but present. We find ourselves trapped in regreats about yesterday or filled with anxiety for tomorrow. Yet this place – this moment in time – is really all we have. If we’ve missed it, then it’s gone forever.

The challenge for each one of us is to be here now. Post-race and post-haste, here’s a simple way to settle down and be more present.

Try this: Stand or sit still for just a few seconds. (Yes, you can spare ten seconds. It’s your life after all.)

As you breathe in, draw the word here into your mind. As you breathe out, bring the word now into your mind. Repeat three times.

Pause to check: Are you here now? Take every opportunity to shift your attention from hurry to here.

(more…)

Editor’s Note: During the months of July and August, your weekly Pause Blog posts will feature the ‘Best of Pause’. These are readers’ favorite messages from the earlier years of the Pause e-zine. Featuring these Pause Gems will give me a bit of a breather, and also introduce our newer subscribers to some of those early editions.

Whether you are a long time subscriber, or new to our list, I sincerely hope you enjoy these messages. Come September, your Pause messages will once again feature all new info and resources.

PS – The Summer Reading Bookshelf shares the titles of some of the books I’ll be dipping into over the next couple of months.

Reflection & Action: From time to time, I have worked with colleagues who sparred for brownie points by quizzing each other about issues like these: How late did your meeting run last night? How many weekends will you be on the road? How many holidays are you carrying over? How many miles have you clocked on the company car? What’s the points total on your frequent flyer plan? How many emails stacked up while you were on vacation?

More recently, I listened to a panel of work-life balance experts talk about their successes and failures in balancing their own busy lives. They admitted they were challenged to live up to the goals they set for themselves. That’s true for all of us. Still, something in the tone of their responses seemed to suggest that it was okay for their lives to be out of whack because they were doing such important work.

It took me back to other conversations where professional or personal success were measured in terms of load, distance, sacrifice, and ‘face time’. The scale paid little attention to results and none at all to balance.

Eavesdrop on the tone of your own conversations with friends and colleagues when you talk about work-life balance. (more…)