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Reflection: It took a while to resolve the puzzle of the resounding Thunk. Turns out there’s a robin trying to fly through our living room window.

From his perch on the bare-branched mountain ash tree, Buddy spends about an hour a day launching himself again and again at the very same window – with exactly the same result. Thunk! Drop! Back to the tree!

He’s done this for more than a week now. In fact, even as I write this message, the Thunk, Thunk, Thunk continues.

Now, I’m not a bird whisperer, so I can only imagine what he’s thinking – or even if he’s thinking. Bird brains are notorious for their small size. Is Buddy trying to fly through the glass to land in the branches of the hibiscus tree in the living room? Is he seeing his reflection, not realizing it’s his mirror image, and protecting his territory from what he perceives to be a challenger to his robin-hood? Is he just looking for a decent place to take a bath? I have no idea.

I do know that we’ve tried to discourage his behavior. (more…)

Reflection: If you’ve ever tried to change the culture or direction of a group, you’ll know how tough it can be to get everyone on board – rowing, driving, marching (pick your metaphor) in the same direction.

A few years ago, as president of a national association, I found myself repeatedly attempting to convince a couple of naysayers that the direction the Board had chosen was one of value and the ‘right’ way to go. The options had been debated, the decision had been made, and the train had left the station. However, I was still stuck at the rear urging a couple of reluctant individuals to jump on board.

I was fortunate enough to be counseled by a colleague experienced in the ways of change, who advised, “Pat, move on and move forward. We don’t need everybody. We just need enough.”

Those words rang true at the time, and I often call them to mind. Just last week, in a professional development session I delivered on Building An Appreciative Culture, an attendee asked, “How can we convince the lone wolf naysayers and grumps that it’s better to strike a more positive tone?” I found myself echoing my colleague’s advice, “Move on and move forward. We don’t need everybody. We just need enough!”

Now, sometimes there are legitimate concerns. And, sometimes there are other issues to work on or other directions to consider. And, sometimes, people are, at heart, all right with heading in the same direction; they just want to take a different route to get there. Things aren’t always black and white.

That said, there does come a point where it is simply time to get on with things. (more…)

Reflection: As long time subscribers would have noticed, last week the Pause e-zine launched a fresh new look for spring. The feedback on the new format has been overwhelmingly positive; and I thank all of you who took the time to share your reactions.

The revamp has been a long time coming. It’s been a few years since I last surveyed readers. At that time, many of you urged me to take a flying leap (figuratively, of course) into the future. You recommended jazzing up the look of the e-zine saying,“Give us some color and a bit of a design to go with the excellent content.”

I got the message. And, I dawdled. Maybe this happens with projects in your life, too. You see a need. You set an intention and a direction. Then you dance around it for a very long time.

In the case of the e-zine, I collected examples and tinkered with designs. I flirted with the idea of asking for design help. I knew shifting to a more visual presentation was going to mean moving to a different list management service, which could mean changing providers. Complications! What seemed to be a small project loomed large. I danced elsewhere.

With the writing of each weekly message, that intention lurked over my shoulder, and I continued to note my lack of progress.

When I finally worked my way through the inertia to get the design and new service arranged – and launched it last week, I felt a tremendous sense of relief and accomplishment. More than that, as a writer, I harvested that burst of energy that comes with what amounts to a fresh pen and a brand new sheet of paper. It was a wonderful reminder of how crossing a finish line can be a powerful energizer. (more…)

Reflection: It’s in a backward glance that the patterns often show up. As I think about many things that have unfolded in my life, I can usually pinpoint one action, one decision, or one choice that launched me in that direction.

Saying yes to a summer job my first year of University introduced me to a line of work that ended up changing my college major in the near term, and my career direction over the long haul.

Agreeing to a coffee with a classmate at University led me to meet and later marry the love of my life.

Writing a letter to the editor of our daily newspaper led to an invitation to write a column, which in turn launched a weekly writing habit that led to publishing my first of five books.

Asking a friend what she knew about Masters’ programs led me to discover a brand new distance learning opportunity that was perfect for my work and life situation at the time.

First steps can point us in many directions. Some lead to an uphill climb and others to a downhill slide. Much of life’s progress or regress boils down to our moment by moment choices. (more…)

REFLECTION: Ever notice how common is the tendency to share the glory when things go right, but how rare the tendency to shoulder responsibility when things go wrong? This inclination makes me think of the refrain in a very old ‘Horse and Carriage’ tune that says: ‘You can’t have one without the other.”

Maybe you’ve had a few experiences like these over the years:

* A ‘complaining’ friend or colleague regularly rains doom and gloom and pours bad news into every conversation.

* A relationship grows  tangled – caught up in hasty communication, missed cues, and unfulfilled promises.

* An employee or colleague struggles to meet expectations and deliver on commitments.

It’s oh so easy to point fingers in any direction other than our own. It’s much tougher to contemplate that we somehow might have contributed to the outcome – for better or for worse.

ACTION: Relationships and results usually live somewhere between us – as a shared responsibility. When we see them this way, we are far more likely to look at situations through a ‘reverse lens’ and ask ourselves questions like these: (more…)

REFLECTION: Perhaps, someone made a thoughtless comment that harpooned your heart. Or, maybe you’re stuck on a business problem and frustrated that there seems to be no good way through. Or, you learn that your financial situation has taken a sharp turn for the worse.

It’s just these kinds of experiences that can amp up the stress in your life – even triggering a self-catered pity party of colossal proportions.

Wouldn’t it be helpful to find a simple way to respond to the angst and find a way to see clearly once more? Of course, practices like meditation, visualization, and the ever-reliable ‘take it for a walk’ approach can bring long term results.

However, what could you do in the heat of the moment to keep from getting burned? In his research on the management of stress, Don Joseph Goewey discovered that hanging on to fear and frustration make it difficult – if not impossible – to recognize more peaceful, positive strategies for handling the challenging situations of the moment. Goewey offers a Clear Button strategy that just might help. (more…)

REFLECTION: Few of us would borrow money unless we had to. So, it’s one of life’s great puzzles, that so many of us insist on borrowing trouble.

So far in Saskatchewan, it’s been an awesomely mild winter. Instead of enjoying the sunshine and mild temperatures, I hear people warning, “March and April are going to be a kicker – cold and miserable! Just wait and see. We’ll pay for this later!”

An item someone’s been longing to purchase goes on sale. Instead of joyously heading to the shop to pick it up, I hear that person predicting, ‘They’ll probably be all out of them by the time I get there!”

Employees respond to the announcement of a change in a process at work as if the devil himself had crafted a dastardly plan to max out the daily quota of torment and tedium.

Well … maybe March will blow like a blizzard from one end to the other. Maybe the longed for item will be out of stock. Maybe the new process will end up being as cumbersome as predicted. If so, we’ll deal with it!

Or … maybe March will be every bit as mild as the winter so far. Or, maybe the shop will have the item in stock, in the right color and size, with an additional 10% Wednesday only in-store discount. Or, maybe the change in workplace process will end up saving tons of time and energy – and turn out to be the best thing ever. If so, we’ll deal with that, too.

I know, I know…if you don’t get your hopes up you won’t be disappointed! Still, dragging a wet blanket and a storm cloud everywhere we go makes the journey tougher and darker than it needs to be. Must dodging a bullet of disappointment be the only route to happiness? (more…)

REFLECTION: As a youngster growing up, I was lucky enough to have both of my grandfathers in my life. Grandpa Ole was a soft spoken Norwegian with the clearest blue eyes, a sweet slow smile, and an endless garden offering up the tastiest raspberries ever. Grandpa Jack’s eyes twinkled in perpetual amusement. With a smoldering pipe always at hand, he was quick with a quip to lighten the day.

I enjoyed my Grandfathers then; but I know I would enjoy their company even more now, were I able to share a visit and a cup of tea with them today. Too late, it seems, we come to the questions we might have asked about what really matters and how to make the most of the life that lies ahead.

I thought about the conversations I might have had with my grandfathers as I read the writing of Bronnie Ware, an Australian woman who spent many years working in palliative care. Bronnie recently published a book titled, The Top Five Regrets Of The Dying. Her message is based on what she learned from seniors looking back from the end of their lives.

It’s a message worth considering, wherever we find ourselves along life’s path, as a guide for how we might choose to spend the time yet in front of us – whether that be 10, 20, 50 years or more!

These are the top five regrets:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. (more…)

REFLECTION: Welcome back, everybody. The holidays are now behind us; and, on reflection, I realized a thing or two about a very helpful practice known as savoring.

I now know why, on Christmas Eve, my grandson is so eager for Santa’s arrival that he can barely contain himself. I now know why my mother’s Christmas gifts sit at her feet unopened while she watches the rest of us rip into our parcels. I now know why I leave the Christmas tree lit up for an extra week after the new year has arrived.

It’s because we’re all, in our own ways, savoring the experience: the anticipation of magic, the excitement of watching a recipient’s face light up in delight, the soft glow of the lights against the January darkness.

Research by positive psychologist, Dr Fred Bryant, shows that those who regularly and frequently savor are happier and more satisfied with life in general. They are more optimistic; and they are less depressed. Who wouldn’t want that?

Savoring is about marveling, basking, admiring, appreciating, and luxuriating. It’s about paying attention, tuning in, soaking it up.  Savoring is emphatically not about multitasking, rushing, hurrying, and speeding on to the next. (more…)

Feeling squeezed by the pressures of this crazymaking world of ours? Unless you’re in the end stages of childbirth (a rare occurrence for most of us), don’t simply bear down and push harder. In everyday experience, that leads directly to crash ‘n’ burn or blur ‘n’ endure.

If you want better outcomes, make better choices. Stop overloading and start rightloading your life.

Here are five ways to move in a more positive direction for the year ahead:

1. Shift how you carry the load. Step away from your work and responsibilities every 90 minutes or so to do something renewing. See frequent pauses as an investment in being able to continue – not a reward for being done.
2. Watch how you define the load. Stop creating discretionary burdens. When you don’t know how something will turn out (and we rarely do), assume the best. Refuse to wallow in worry. See meltdowns as optional – not inevitable.
3. Learn to control the load. Negotiate expectations – speak up about overloading, multi-loading and perpetual loading. Monitor the place of technology in your life. Set your own rules for when you are connected and unplugged.
4. Make time to celebrate the load. Relationships and opportunities come with demands and expectations; they also deliver rewards.  Some things that we complain we ‘have to do’ we are actually lucky we ‘get to do’. Give an unreserved ‘Yes’ to invitations that will enrich your life.
5. Put speed in its place. A fast answer is not necessarily a good answer. Every request is not an emergency. There’s no need to constantly pepper our conversations with the word, quick: a quick word, a quick trip, a quick lunch, a quick visit. Conversations, lunches and connections are all legitimate uses of time.

Calm down. Slow down. Take it easy.  Press pause…think again!

PS – For more helpful action-prompting suggestions on this theme, get yourself a copy of my latest book (Press Pause…Think Again) and nab a copy or two for others who share your dilemma. Start a Press Pause support team and create a more sane and satisfying environment in the year ahead. Happy New Year!