Life in General

Reflection: Epiphany:  A moment when you suddenly see or understand something in a new or very clear way.

Ariana Huffington had an epiphany. She fell asleep at work, hit her head on the edge of her desk, sliced open her cheek, and came to in a pool of blood. One hospital trip and several stitches later, she set about changing her habits and adopting a saner, healthier way of being in this world.

Some years ago, I had an epiphany of my own. As a young Mom, I left the house on a deep freeze of a winter morning. Burdened by tote bag, gym bag, child’s backpack, briefcase, and clamping a wriggling snow-suited toddler in my arms, I tried in vain to lock a reluctant front door.

In the end, the entire load, including screaming daughter and me dropped to the step. Freezing tears streamed down our faces. In that moment of overwhelm, I knew there had to be a better way, and set about discovering what that might be.

Fictional news anchor Howard Beale had an epiphany. In the movie Network, he punctuates his on-air rant about the state of the world by declaring, “I‘m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore.”

Maybe you’ve had an epiphany or two of your own. Or maybe you’re working up to one at this very moment.

Epiphanies are rarely unheralded. If we pay close attention as life unfolds, we might notice the small occurrences that signal a need for change. But, heh, we’re busy, we’re preoccupied, and we’re on a roll! We get in a groove and it morphs into a rut that’s not apparent till it trips us up and down we go.

Action: The challenge is to tune into our ‘epiphanettes’ – those small wake up calls that surface day to day. (more…)

Stack of smart phones

Reflection: I’m worried about us. Not in a global warming, political upheaval, where is the world headed kind of way. But rather in a very specific ‘why don’t we choose to be more present’ sort of way.

While facilitating recent seminars, I’ve noted – and not for the first time – that as soon as there is a pause in the program the majority of people seem compelled to plug their phones into the gap.

Like the fictional Dutch boy who stuck his finger in the dike, today’s smartphones serve as the first line of defense against potential threats like these: a moment of down time, the possibility of original thought, and the risk of actually connecting with a live person positioned within arm’s reach.

While answering email, returning texts, scanning Facebook, and checking news feeds may give the illusion of connectedness, I propose that the opposite may also be true.

Instead of enhancing connection, this habitual behavior insulates us from the moment at hand, distances us from creative thought, and diminishes the likelihood of meaningful live conversation.

Our ‘reach for the phone’ knee-jerk habits actually keep us reacting and retorting and stop us from reflecting and relating.

Action: Here’s a challenge for today  – and for tomorrow, too. (more…)

Reflection: I’m an inveterate reader – always on the lookout for new ideas or unique expressions of old ideas stated in fresh engaging ways.

Today I flipped through my collection of recent blog posts and articles by other writers who focus on the importance of stepping back and taking time out.

I’ve picked three articles to share with you. You’ll find them in the Resources Of The Week section of this posting.

Think of it as my ‘Welcome to Spring and Fresh Ways of Doing Things’ gift.

Action: The articles are all great. But here’s my anti-overwhelm suggestion. (more…)

Reflection: In painting, there’s a guiding principle loosely referred to as “A lot of this and a little of that.”

The concept in the art world is that all one thing can be boring, and that even equal measures of two separate elements may not be that engaging. To create a work of art with a more satisfying sensibility you need a ratio of elements that is often less than equal.

For example, a great work of art may feature:  a lot of warm color and a little bit of cool, a lot of light values and a little bit of dark, a lot of sharp edges and a little bit of softness.

Here’s how the principle could be applied outside the world of art to create a more satisfying balance in our everyday lives:

• If you find yourself swamped by a whole lot of work, even adding a little bit of play can shift the experience in a more satisfying direction.
• If your diet has you filling up on a ton of veggies, even adding an ounce of chocolate can sweeten the scene.
• If you’re heavily involved in other-care (whether children or elders) planning a personal ‘just for you’ adventure could improve your outlook.
• If you find yourself wholly office bound (suffering from filing cabinet fever), a coffee elsewhere with a client or colleague could lift your spirits just a little.

Action: What are you experiencing a lot of in your world these days? (more…)

Reflection: Why this? Why me? Why now?

Do you ever find yourself reacting this way when things go sideways in your world?

It’s no surprise that stuff happens. You know it. I know it. We all know it.

Cars don’t start. People don’t finish. The weather blows. You find yourself out of patience, out of milk, or out of time!

Although the universe may be unfolding as it should (or so the Desiderata would have us believe), it’s not always unfolding as we think it should or as we hoped it would.

And so we’re left to deal with our reactions to what can feel like a stealth attack on our expectations.

Action: What to do?

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Reflection: If you happened to view any of the three short videos I shared while the regular Pause ezine was on hiatus, you would have caught one or more messages about the value of stepping back to step ahead. Just in case you missed it or them, today I’m sharing a ‘summing up’ and a link to the complete article.

I have come to understand that nonstop action is a dead end strategy for success. When we nix time-outs, we just hit the wall – not the mark. Sometimes we really do have to step back to step ahead. Making the most of our days involves building strategic pauses into everyday experiences.

When we step back, stand down and chill out, we tap more readily into renewal, appreciation and perspective.

Action: Here are nine (3 x 3) pause practices that will help you generate more energy, enthusiasm and insight. (more…)

 Reflection: I don’t know about you, but I like to start my day with a hot cup of coffee. Well, truth be known, I like to sip coffee all day long. Decaf – for the most part – so I’m not jangling from a high wire by high noon.

This morning I set the coffee to drip as usual, and went about getting my day started elsewhere in the house. Hearing the beep that signaled the coffee was ready, I returned to the kitchen to pour my first cuppa java. What I discovered was an empty pot and a kitchen counter covered from one end to the other in a slick of steaming brown liquid. Apparently the flow-through flap on the pot lid jammed, and the coffee had nowhere to go but over the top.

Cleaning up a swill-spill was not how I’d planned to start my day – especially before my first cup of coffee. I muttered a few choice words as I mopped up the mess.

I also recognized the situation as one of life’s moments of choice. I could feed my frustration, let the annoyance overflow, seeping into the rest of the day like the coffee itself; or I could take things in stride and let it go.

Action: At the root of our frustrations about life’s unexpected challenges lies a quirky little belief that we’re somehow entitled to a world that runs smoothly all day every day. In fact, speed bumps, detours and breakdowns are a normal part of life. The real challenge is to keep it all in perspective.

Here are five ways to let it go and sidestep a frustration hangover that can set a downer tone for the rest of the day. (I used all of these this morning!) (more…)

Reflection: As I was reviewing the Pause reader suggestions for topics to cover in future editions, this question caught my eye: “How do I find the courage to start a new endeavor? I’m wanting to start my own business. When I see that others are already doing what I want to do, does that mean there’s no room for me?”

Now, I know that not all of you are thinking of starting a new business. However, I have a serious hunch that every single one of you is toying with an idea, a pursuit, or a new endeavor of some kind that is nudging you to bring it to life. It’s a similar conundrum. So, perhaps, some of these thoughts will be helpful.

I do believe we each have something unique to offer the world, and it’s not always an entirely new enterprise that’s called for. Sometimes we are able to make that unique contribution right where we are planted now. The challenge is to tap into that uniqueness, grow it, and get it out there. What’s your uniqueness?

Many of the shifts and advances in my own life have been preceded by an investment in learning. Taking an Entrepreneurship workshop gave me a better idea of what I’d be facing if I started a business. Participating in a Masters program shifted my focus into the balance and wellness areas. Investing time and resources in painting classes brought me the confidence to take my art to the world. Books, videos, and mentoring conversations also helped me step up and give things a shot. What do you need to learn?

“Is there room for me?” is a tough question to answer. What pops to mind is the guidance of a mentor of mine who once counseled, “You don’t need everyone, Pat, you just need enough!” And, we’ll never know if there’s enough room or enough interest until we test it out. What might you regret if you never gave it a try?

Action: If there’s a new endeavor, or a new direction lurking on your horizon, here is a starter set of questions to pause and ponder in the days ahead:

• What will you need to learn or who will you need to become to travel this road and bring this idea to life?
• Where and how could you make a learning investment in your future – in what comes next?
• What’s a first step you could take to test the waters?

Quote Of The Week: All real change begins with self change. As enterprise leaders, our capacity for organizational growth is directly proportional to our own growth. – Kevin Cashman

Resource Of The Week: Looking for a few more ideas or a bit of inspiration to help you jumpstart a new endeavor? Check out Kim Duke’s new book, “Ugly Baby – How To Get Over Fear and Give Birth To Your Odd Idea, Start A Business, Or Invent Something Cool”.

Reflection: Several times over the years, I’ve created lists of things I might like to Do, Be and Have. The current lingo would label it a Vision Board (thank you, Oprah) or a Bucket List (thank you, Jack Nicholson). No matter what you call it, the exercise creates a set of intentions and desires for the future.

What was of interest to me an a recent round of inquiry was what showed up in the ‘What I’d Like To Have’ column. In my earlier days, I found it easy to come up with a lengthy list of possessions that I imagined might somehow make my life better.

However, on this particular day, the very first entry – top of the list – popped out without hesitation. What would I most like to have? Less stuff!

That could explain why I struggled with family requests to tell them what I might like as gifts for Christmas. That could explain why trips to fetch something from the crawl space in the basement are increasingly irritating. That could explain why I’ve had this feeling that the walls in my office and home are closing in on me.

The idea of more stuff has less appeal. I’ve taken that insight to heart and turned it into one of my first activities for the new year. I’m sifting stuff, ditching junk, and clearing space.

Old magazines. Gone! Outdated software disks and manuals. Gone! Christmas decorations that have lost their appeal. Gone! That mountain of cardboard boxes saved just in case they might be needed. Gone!

The garbage bin is brimming and the recycling bin is bursting. The Salvation Army Thrift Shop folks were beaming with my first delivery of six boxes and a suitcase full of stuff.

Action: Are you looking to lighten up? Chucking the clutter is a great way to start the new year.

Take a good look around. This stuff grows invisible over time. See what kind of excess may be cramping your style. Move it on and move it out.

A little elbow grease may buy you a little elbow room – and a whole lot more breathing space. Let me know how it goes!

Quotes Of The Week: Don’t own so much clutter that you will be relieved to see your house catch fire. – Wendell Berry

Give me the discipline to get rid of the stuff that’s not important, the freedom to savor the stuff that gives me joy, and the patience not to worry about the stuff that’s messy but not hurting anybody. – Vinita Wright

Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self. – Eleanor Brownn

Resource Of The Week: You might find value in this article by Mikael Cho: How Clutter Affects You (And What You Can Do About It).

With the new year peaking around the corner, it’s so easy to suffer whiplash – as we intently scan the past year and eagerly anticipate the next. But, as the infamous Yogi Berra once observed, “It ain’t over till it’s over.”

And so, my invitation to you for the remainder of 2013 is to be as present as you can possibly be to the people and experiences that cross your path in the closing days of the year.

Presence is an awesome gift, one that’s far more valuable than any presents that may come our way in this the season of giving. When we find ways to be present we’re much more likely to appreciate the delights of each moment as life unfolds around us.

I hope you enjoy reading a few of my favorite quotes about presence. (more…)