perspective

REFLECTION: Sometimes a turn of phrase is all that’s required to accomplish a shift in experience. See if this change in phrasing makes a difference for you.

Most of us have a ‘To Do’ list of one kind of another. Many of us have multiple ‘To Do’ lists – for our various roles as parents, employees, bosses, and volunteers. September is often a season of new beginnings. We fire up projects that have languished over the summer. We register ourselves and others in fall activities, and generally ‘get back at it’ after our summer hiatus. Partner our own intentions with requests from others, and it doesn’t take long for those lists to mushroom into a full blown state of overwhelm.

At the point of seeming too muchness, it’s easy to forget why we wanted to do these things in the first place. Yet at some point we were actually looking forward to many of them. Tapping back into that initial desire and intention could change your everyday experience.

ACTION: Try this as an experiment. Turn your ‘To Do List’ into an ‘I’m Looking Forward To’ list. As you note down the activities at hand, think about how much might be looking forward to: sharing this experience, moving that task forward, making a contribution. Let that excitement and anticipation fuel your energy as you work your way through your day and your list.

Full credit goes to speaker friend and colleague, Sam Horn, for bringing this concept to my attention. I encourage you to read more from her about how you might turn this idea of reframing your ‘to do’ list into a short, medium and long term ‘ looking forward to’ list. See the link to Sam’s blog post in the resource of the week link below.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Begin each day as if it were on purpose.” – Author Unknown

RESOURCE OF THE WEEK: For Sam’s commentary on ‘To Do or To Look Forward To’, see her Serendestiny Blog.

READERS WRITE: In response to last week’s message on ‘Flourishing‘, Pause reader NM writes: This is great, Pat. Thank you! I would also note about the Relationships area, that (in addition to positive connections with others, what also matters is) a positive relationship with one’s self.

On September 8, between 50 and 60 friends, family, clients and colleagues joined me in celebrating my 25th anniversary in the speaking business, the launch of my latest book (Press Pause…Think Again), and the public debut of my watercolor paintings and prints.

It was a great afternoon. It felt so good to be surrounded by all of these supporters and encouragers. I’m grateful for their presence in my life.

I’m also delighted to still be doing what I love after all these years – helping others ease their loads while building a more thoughtful and appreciative world.

I’m relieved to finally have the latest book off the press and on its way into the hands of people who are looking for a bit of relief and encouragement.

And, I’m tickled by the positive reaction to my adventures into the world of art.

I thought you might enjoy sharing in a few images from the event. You can see more photos from the day in my Facebook album. You can learn more about the new book and arrange for your very own copy by visiting the Pause Shop. Please stay tuned for upcoming bulletins on the art front.

REFLECTION:  There’s no shortage of advice out there on how to live a more satisfying life. I’ve even been known to dispense a word or two myself! 🙂 Sometimes, though, the source gets lost along the way.

For example, there’s an echo of advice living somewhere deep in my mind that prescribes these three pre-requisites for happiness: something to do, something to look forward to, and someone (or something) to love.

There are elements of that buried wisdom in what was my most engaging read of the summer: Martin Seligman’s latest book, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being.

In his earlier work, Authentic Happiness, Seligman noted three essentials for happiness: Positive Emotion, Engagement, and Meaning. Positive emotion boils down to good feelings (pleasure, warmth, comfort, etc.) Engagement is about using your best strengths and talents to be in flow – deeply absorbed by the activity at hand. Meaning relates to being in the service of something larger than yourself.

Over the last decade, further research has extended Seligman’s thinking and theory. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: The motto of the University of Calgary (where I studied for my master’s degree in continuing education) is “Mo shuiles togam suas.” It’s a Gaelic phrase taken from one of the psalms. Translated, it means: “I will lift up my eyes.” What an inspired call to action!

My seminar participants tell me their overloaded days are often spent with their heads down-not eyes up. With their noses to the grindstone preoccupied with tasks and details, they wade their way through each day’s responsibilities, always fretting about the details.

If that’s true for you, try shifting that practice just a smidge. As you move through your day, take a moment here and there to lift up your eyes. Step out of the car-lift up your eyes. Step out of a meeting-life up your eyes. Tune in to the bigger picture and the reason you are about to pursue the tasks at hand. You’ll find a broader, higher, deeper purpose. (more…)

I’m spending the week here in Bend, Oregon, at the Art In The Mountains program. Taking a watercolor class from well known Wisconsin artist, Karlyn Holman.

Bend is a beautiful high desert location. Too bad we’re not spending time painting plein air. There are such beautiful landscapes around us.

I flew in a day early to have some time to explore and did get out to see a waterfall on the Deschutes River and some of the countryside around. Bend, itself, is a sweet city – very walkable and picturesque in the downtown and Old Mill areas.

The class is quite experimental in nature – in addition to watercolor, ink, prints, collage. All kinds of new materials and ideas in the mix. Good for stretching the creative mind and spirit. Thought you might like to see a couple of bits from the first couple of days.

REFLECTION & ACTION: As I waited for my medical-test results, my mind led me down some amazing trails-most of them predicting disastrous outcomes. Within minutes, it took me from ill, to seriously ill, to languishing on my deathbed, to planning my funeral.

On what were these stories based? Nada. Zip. Nothing. No information at all! In the absence of information, my mind seemed determined to manufacture its own.

An African tribe that teaches its children how to calm themselves in anxious situations offers a wonderful strategy to handle the pressure of the unknown. Little ones who start imagining the worst (man-eating tigers lurking at the edge of the path) spin their yarns based only on fear. They are told to watch for a pattern. Once they notice the pattern, they stop and label their flights of fancy as hurting stories-stories that don’t have to be written.

As adults, we spin scary yarns about negative outcomes based on nothing but fear. This project is doomed. The market will dry up. My business will fail. Our relationship is dust.

Pay close attention to the churning of your mind. When you find yourself getting bent out of shape, particularly when evidence is lacking, pause. See if you can identify the pattern and the hurting story. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: I have an irksome habit (and I have it in spades)-stuffing too much in! One more email. One more stop on the way. One more point in the presentation.

The motivation is good: squeeze maximum value out of each moment. However, the result is bad: time pressure and frustration, for me and for others.

Being more judicious about biting off more than we can comfortably chew is good for our health. Becoming more thoughtful and reasonable in all areas of life also brings positive changes to our mental health and our relationships.

A speaker colleague edits his presentations by keeping his audience and this question in mind: “What could they live without?” This question can be applied far and wide. Whether it’s our work, errands, or communications, we can ask ourselves, “What could we (or they) live without?”

With the enormous proliferation of email, think twice before sending a message into circulation. Will it add value? Will anyone read it? Will the other person’s world be better with this communication? Sometimes less is more. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Will you? Would you? Can you? Could you? On those short questions hang the hooks of overcommitment. Will you take on this project? Would you look after the kids for the weekend? Could you chair this committee?

The trap lies in believing there’s only a yes or no answer to each question.

Say “yes” and when you realize you don’t have time for the task or that it’s not a fit with your interests or priorities, you reward yourself with resentment. Say “no” and when you suffer second thoughts about the wisdom of your decision or its possible effect on your relationships or future, you reward yourself with guilt.

People often overlook the possibility of middle ground. (more…)

This dracaena spike and climbing little-leaf vine are a living example of taking your support where you can find it.

These two funghis – or should that be ‘fun guys’ – are clearly buddies. No moss growing under their feet! Heh, wait, yes there is.

No matter, they’re in absolutely no hurry to go anywhere – and seem to be content to take turns propping each other up.

REFLECTION & ACTION: As I listen to reports of life’s daily events, I witness indignation, wailing, and gnashing of teeth over supposed slights and imagined dastardly deeds. Yes, I even catch myself engaging in these flights of fancy from time to time.

Sometimes an illness is just an illness-not something caused by careless hygiene, dubious nutrition, or medical malpractice. Sometimes lost keys and bank cards are misplaced-not the work of a stealthy thief with sticky fingers. Sometimes an offhand remark is just plain thoughtless-not part of a diabolical plot to undermine our authority or self-esteem. Talk about blowing things out of proportion!

At the same time, much of the stress that leads someone to behave badly remains invisible to others. We aren’t always privy to each others’ burdens: an angry client, an ailing parent, a truant teen, a leaky roof, a dwindling bank account, a frightening medical report, an estranged friendship.

Let’s be more magnanimous with ourselves and each other. (more…)