focus

Reflection: Have you ever walked alongside someone whose stride was much longer or shorter than yours? Have you ever partnered on a project with someone whose pace was entirely mismatched to yours? They moved, spoke and concluded everything in a flash – or they ambled, pondered, and decided waaaay toooo sloooowly for your comfort?

If you have, chances are that you know first hand the frustration of trying to keep up or the irritation of needing to slow down.

Our set points vary one from another; and they may shift over time. Life experiences can temper our choices along the way. If we’re paying attention, through trial and error, we learn when we need to give a person or an issue more room, and when the time is ripe to urge to action.

In any given situation or relationship, the ‘right’ pace energizes, while the ‘wrong’ pace exhausts. And, of course, it’s all terribly subjective and situation specific.

When lives are on the line (think fire or medical emergency), a fast paced response is essential. But not everything we face falls in that urgent category – even though much is presented that way.

There’s a leadership style known as ‘Pacesetting’ that invigorates some and frustrates others. Pacesetters are notorious for setting very high performance standards and modeling them for others. That’s not necessarily a bad thing – except that pacesetters tend to be obsessively high on expectations and perilously low on empathy. Without empathy, this kind of leadership may not even register – much less respond to –  the stress that others experience along the way.

Action: So, how do you put these ideas about pace to work? (more…)

Reflection: I spent much of last weekend in the garden. Raked the leaves out of the beds and corners. Mulched them with the mower. Added them back to the soil. Trimmed last year’s dead foliage from around the new growth on the perennials. Picked up the branches the winter winds stripped from the trees. Hauled perennials, buried in their pots, from the beds where they’d spent the winter. Hosed the spring dust from the trees and decks.

Do I love doing this stuff? Not really! As much as I try to approach it in a mindful way with an appreciative mindset, in truth, it’s dusty, dirty, back bending (sometimes back breaking) work.

What I DO love, though, is the result. It’s rewarding to see things set back in order once more; and it’s energizing to know that I’ve set the scene for good things that lie ahead.

I love the fresh growth, the new shoots, and the blatant optimism of bulbs which, having weathered the winter, push through bravely the ground. Most of all, I love the promise of color and beauty that lie ahead. And, that’s why I do the work.

I’m pretty sure – even if you’re not a gardener – that you’ve got plenty of grunt work in your world, too. Maybe it’s the demolition before a renovation. Could be something physical like a kitchen reno, or something cerebral like a remake on your business website. Maybe it’s the research legwork before launching a new product, designing a new program, or entering a new market.

Grunt work is rarely glamorous or engaging in itself, but it’s an investment that can take us someplace we really want to go.

Action: How do you pull yourself through the obligatory grunt and groan to the eventual great and grand?  These four strategies can help: (more…)

Reflection: There’s nothing like a good question to draw attention to what makes life worthwhile. And, for the record, that question is NOT: “So, are you busy?”

Far too many conversations in our stressed out, revved up world start just that way. We connect with a colleague at work, bump into an old friend at the grocery store, or meet a neighbor on the street. Before we even think about it, we’re automatically asking, “So, are you busy?”

It’s a question that usually generates a lengthy recounting of activities done and undone. Recounting the proverbial to do list seems to be a common way to establish our value and justify our existence on the planet.

Oddly enough, when you ask people to consider what really matters in life, the things that show up most often don’t relate much to the stuff on those to do lists that we fret so much and sweat so often.

What’s most meaningful and energizing relates more to relationships, to adventure, to a deep sense of connectedness and purpose – not to today’s to-do’s.

Action: If that is where more meaning lives, why not change the focus of our conversations? Why not start asking each other these questions instead: (more…)

Reflection: One of life’s great stressors is the drive to make things perfect. Sure, there are circumstances where perfection matters. Defusing a bomb and fixing an aneurysm come to mind.

Now, I don’t know about your world, but those tasks have never been part of my everyday life. As I heard someone observe recently, not everything we do is ‘rocket surgery’!

What I do see is a lot of time and effort invested in perfecting that last 10 or 20% whether it’s writing the perfect report or maintaining an immaculate home.

There is a time to improve our skills and advance our performance by applying a critical eye to the task at hand.  But it will be a joyless painful journey if we are perpetually bent on perfection – ever at the mercy of a critical mind.

Poking holes in progress is a hurtful inclination if we don’t stop to embrace and appreciate where we have come from and what we have accomplished – however imperfect it may be.

Early in my attempts to paint with watercolors, I made a lot of mud – mud being the painterly term for ‘greyed out colors lacking contrast and shape’.

What I’ve come to understand is that many who do not paint themselves consider even minor mud a masterpiece. We stand in in awe of what others attempt, simply because we can’t imagine ourselves having the courage or skill to give it a try.

Don’t be too quick to discard, reject, or condemn the results of your own efforts. There is often a place for less than perfect outcomes. In fact, a certain quirkiness may bring value of its own.

Japanese potters practice the art of Kintsugi – mending broken objects by filling the cracks with resin sprinkled with powdered gold.  They believe that objects with their own imperfections and history become more beautiful – not less.

Action: So, here’s a question to pause and ponder today. Where, in your life, might imperfect be more than enough?

(more…)

Reflection: Oprah came to town this week. And, although I’m neither a devotee nor an uber-fan, I bought a couple of tickets for the show. I thought it would make a great mother-daughter night out (and it did). And, as a speaker, I was curious to see how she presented herself and what messages she chose to share.

Oprah excelled at creating an intimate connection with a crowd of 13,000 people. And that’s no easy feat! Some of that success springs from sheer familiarity. It also comes from her openness in sharing who she is, the road she’s travelled and what she’s learned along the way. And much is due to her ability to simply be in the moment. Who else would have the moxie or confidence to admit to that many people in that kind of setting that she’d chosen the wrong bra for her outfit of the evening?

Candor aside, one of Oprah’s strongest messages centered around the need for each of us to tune in our purpose in life. She noted that the threads of purpose show themselves early, and surface often. Even as a preschooler, she had plenty to say and the confidence to stand and deliver. Her grandmother observed, “That girl’s got a way with words!” That was her first thread. Others followed.

She got me thinking about the threads of my own life. I, too, was enthralled by words – an early reader who couldn’t get enough of books. I soon wrote my own poems and stories – the pre-courser to books that came later. I loved a platform and a stage – from oratory contests to chairing councils, clubs, and events. And, I lived to create things – hammering together ‘furniture’ from orange crates and peach boxes (yes, they were wooden back then), paint-by-number artwork, gardening, sewing, and on it went.

Looking back, it’s easy to see the parallel threads of communication and creativity. They were there, had I been paying closer attention along the way. At the time, the path forward never really seemed that clear.

Action: Daniel Pink describes three intrinsic motivators as central to our lives:  a sense of purpose, the opportunity for mastery and, a degree of autonomy. Following the lead of the threads of our lives taps into all three.

Here’s an invitation for you to do a little weaving of your own. (more…)

Reflection: How tightly crammed is your daily and weekly schedule? Are there gaps or just glimmers?

For years now, I’ve advocated in favor of white space. Time held free between meetings, commitments, and events that serve as a buffer in a busy life.

Meetings spill over, traffic jams, and a body’s got to eat sometime!

But buffers offer more than just a way to meet physical needs and stay on time. They give us room to breathe, and time to think.

Suppose you’ve just finished a meeting with a few members of your team. There’s merit in pausing to consider the ‘so what’ of the experience:

• What do you need to do next as a result of the exchange?
• What kind of coaching would help someone stay on track or grow in skill?
• What does this new information mean for where you are headed?
• What does it say about how far you’ve come?

In the absence of time to think about these things, in the pressure to race forward to what comes next, we lose our way. We also lose the opportunity to celebrate progress, shift direction, and build capacity.

Action: Place a high value on pausing for reflection. Make and take the time to think.

Block 10 or 15 minute buffers between events. Keep your intention front and center. Encourage others to do the same.

Reap the considerable rewards of a more considerate pace and a more considered experience.

Quote Of The Week: This space intentionally left blank. Jeff Weiner

Resource Of The Week: Today’s message inspired by this article from Jeff Weiner, CEO of Linkedin: The Importance of Scheduling Nothing.

Readers Write: In response to last week’s message, What’s New In Your World, Pause reader DC writes: Thanks for the wonderful link! I have watched it and forwarded to friends and family. They are just so cute. And, yes, if you just could go a quarter turn in your listening skills, you’d clearly understand what they are saying. Have an amazing day, I plan to do so!

Pop Up Problems

Reflection: I’m deep in the throes of redefining my business focus …. yet again! It’s a challenge that never goes away.

If I were to wager a bet, I’d guess you may have one or two of those sticky, rebound issues in your life, too – the kind that never really disappear! They fade into the background from time to time, only to raise their heads a mile or a month further down the road.

For 27 years now, I’ve faced the task of trying to describe what I offer in ways that makes sense to those who may have a need or an interest. Even though I’m a pretty decent communicator, I still find it a daunting task. Maybe that’s because I cannot resist editing, re-editing and editing yet again. What looked great yesterday, seems to always pale in the morning light.

Part of the challenge is that I’m working with a moving target. As I grow and learn, and work with clients, my understanding of problems deepens and my approaches shift. Whatever is expressed on the website or in program descriptions then becomes a reflection of what was – not what is now.

For a while, I wondered if the perfect expression lay just beyond my reach, and that perhaps my subconscious held the answer. I even tucked an index card under my pillow at one point that read, “In search of the perfect tag line!” No luck!

I recall a few years ago speaking with a wise and experienced colleague about my frustration. He laughed and asked, “Are you still tormenting yourself with that?” His point was this. You create your best description at the moment, put it out there, and get busy doing the work. Your clients and your community will know you by what you do – not by what you say you do!

Sigh! Could it really be that easy? Perhaps!

Action: I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person on the planet tormenting myself on a semi-regular basis! You probably have your own pet ‘toaster’ problems that keep popping up over and over again. (more…)

Reflection: Partner a fast pace with huge expectations and minimal down time, and you’ve got all the necessary ingredients for a big old vat of ‘sweet’n’sour stress soup’.

Like steam off a stockpot, emotions will run high – guaranteed! The challenge is to know how to deal with them without getting burned.

This is where EI – Emotional Intelligence – comes into play. If it’s been a while since you were introduced to EI, or are meeting the concept for the first time, here’s a short refresher.

EI is based on Awareness and Management of feelings – within ourselves and between ourselves and others.

On the inside, how aware of you of your own emotional states, and how skilled are you in controlling your responses and managing your own reactions to events?

On the outside, how attuned are you to the emotional states of others, and how skilled are you in managing those relationships with others when feelings run high?

At the core of EI in action is the ability to tune in and name the emotions and also consider what needs they might signal.

Action: I’ve been thinking about the whole business of interpretation and wondering how we might use emotions and our insights about them as a way to guide what we do next.

Here’s an attempt to interpret the underlying meaning of a few of the emotions likely to cross our paths and minds. (more…)

St John Harbor Hill

Reflection: Where do you focus? And, what do you see?

Several years ago, during one of my early watercolor classes, our instructor Cecelia sat us down to sketch on the South Saskatchewan riverbank here in Saskatoon.

Thinking like photographers, we scanned the horizon and angles searching for THE perfect composition. Not Cecelia. She pointed out a grouping of trees to the left, the sweep of a promenade to the right, and the silhouette of a building in the distance. She totally ignored the backhoe, the piles of dirt, and the construction workers milling around the site.

Cecelia then roughed out a sketch that moved the elements she liked into a composition that worked. We looked at her – skeptical and disbelieving – and asked, “Can you do that?”

The answer, of course, is yes. And not just in the world of art!

Art, and the art of life, invite us to picture what could be. Having imagined it, we can set about creating something new.

This option – to create a fresh reality and imagine new possibilities – is available to each of us every single day. We need only focus our attention on what holds appeal, work around the debris, and picture what could be in the face of what is.

Action: As the designer of your own life, you get to choose your point of view. (more…)

Reflection: It moderates stress and anxiety in children. It just might work for us, too. ‘It’ is mindfulness – a concept attracting growing attention in both the worlds of education and business.

Last week I spoke at an Early Childhood Education conference in Edmonton. Mindfulness served as the central theme for their event. And, as you might imagine, the practice of pausing for renewal and pausing to be more thoughtful, for which I’m known, fit right in.

It was a bonus for me to be able to sit in on a couple of other sessions, and I was intrigued to learn more about a new school-based program called MindUP. The program gives young students the tools they need to manage emotions and behaviors, reduce stress, sharpen concentration, and grow empathy and optimism. Sounds like something adults could use, too!

Two elements form the foundation for the program. Students are first introduced to basic brain science. They learn how stressful situations trigger natural defensive emotional reactions which shut down access to the thinking part of the brain. They are then taught to take charge of their brain and their behavior (to gather themselves) through the art of mindful breathing.

Breathing is presented as a way to settle the mind and the emotion – to sidetrack those ‘run away train’ feelings – so they can access the thinking part of the brain, the Prefrontal Cortex. Daily practice sessions (morning, midday and end of day) consist of three minutes of quiet, focused mindful breathing.

MindUP is showing strong results in developing emotional maturity (less anxiety and more calm), social relationships (greater empathy for others), and academic performance. And, the kids who see how well this works in their own lives are teaching their siblings and even their parents how to calm down and get a grip! How cool is that?

Action: Give it a try yourself this week. (more…)