PAUSE – 10.25 – Making A Living Or Making A Life?
August 31, 2010
I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN WONDERING … what kind of photos I received in response to the invitation to ‘Send Me Your Smiles’. Well, as it turns out, some fabulous ones! It was great fun working them into a short upbeat inspirational video. Check out ‘Sunny Smiles‘ and pass the link along.
REFLECTION: Last day of August. First day of September. Summer transitions to autumn.
I’m looking at the list of projects I’d planned to tackle over the summer months when my business is typically slower. Truth be told, I’ve made a dent, but not moved mountains. Research, redesign, product development. Yep, progress on all those fronts. But nowhere near what I apparently anticipated in those more optimistic, summer stretching out ahead of you, early days of July. Maybe you find yourself in the same situation – with merely a dent in work related tasks or home and family projects.
Frustrating? Somewhat. Discouraging? Only mildly. You see, one of the things I’ve learned so far in life is that my ambitions always have and always will exceed my time and energy. That’s just the way it is.
On the other hand, there were so many things that never appeared on the ‘To Tackle’ list in the first place that have contributed to two memorable summer months. Visits with sisters. Connections with friends and neighbors. Mentoring chats with ‘just beginning’ colleagues. Time with my folks at the farm. Adventures with my grandson, my husband, my children. Hours in the company of watercolors. Moments in the garden, along the river, appreciating the great outdoors.
The contrast speaks to the balancing act between making a living and making a life. (more…)
PAUSE – 10.24 – Urgent … Or Not?
August 24, 2010
REFLECTION:
In the process of clearing out the pigeonholes above the kitchen desk on the weekend, I discovered a Fuji Quick Snap film cartridge with the words ‘Summer ’98’ pencilled on the label. It’s impossible to tell with these little guys if the film has been developed or not, and I could not stand the suspense.
Thinking, perhaps, I’d unearthed a gem of remembrance, I dropped the film off at the photo counter at the local Shopper’s Drug Mart on my way home around 6:00 the next evening. The young woman behind the counter assured me that they did still handle that kind of film.
Then she immediately apologized that it would not be possible for her to turn the order around within the hour as she had several other jobs backlogged and was closing at 8:00. She further noted, again falling all over herself in apology, that she was pretty sure she could have the prints ready by noon the next day.
I laughed and reassured her that since the film had been hanging around for at least 12 years, I could easily wait a few more days – or even weeks for that matter. She looked surprised at my reaction. Apparently she serves a lot of people who have ‘last minute – must rush’ photo emergencies!
ACTION:
Have you noticed how our expectations about turn-around times have ramped up in recent years? Even tasks that hold no pressing deadline are presented or interpreted as obviously urgent.
Somehow we have it in our heads that tackling tasks at the last moment is a fact of life, that urgency and high performance go hand in hand, and that quality service is defined by speed and speed alone.
Pay close attention this week to expectations about task turn-around in your work and personal life. Don’t crank up the speedometer in situations where the task is less than urgent. Stop to ask about tasks shunted your way that appear to have ASAP labels firmly attached.
Chances are good that there’s wiggle room in at least some of the timelines. That extra margin might be just what you need to feel more in control of the load and less stressed by unnecessary ‘quick time’ expectations. And, committing that extra margin of time to tasks that really matter might short circuit a major last minute urgency somewhere down the road.
PS – Wondering about the pics from 1998? Turns out I had printed them before – images from a convention in Philadelphia and summer vacation at Waskesiu. Fun to see them again, anyway! The film cannister is now in the garbage!
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
Apparently the proverbial Chinese and Greeks are in agreement in preferring patience over haste:
“One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.” Chinese Proverb
“One minute of patience, ten years of peace.” – Greek Proverb
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
Seth Godin’s treatise on the shortcomings of urgency as an action default: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2005/08/hurry.html
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LAST CALL:
This is the final week to e-mail me a photo of your best smile – or someone else’s best smile. In September, I’ll pull together a shareable slide show/video to brighten everyone’s day. I’m loving the pics that have arrived so far. You will, too! Can’t wait to see your contributions!
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READERS WRITE:
In response to last week’s message, The Maturity Advantage, Pause reader JJ writes: Your comments remind me of the need to be able to identify and separate real problems from inconveniences. My husband and I often use the term “6 o’clock news” (as heard in a speech by corporate comedian Mark Mayfield) as a way of forcing ourselves and each other to stop and think of the true nature of the issue.
Is this ‘issue’ something that would qualify as truly newsworthy: your child is lost at the mall or your
employer just went bankrupt. Or do you initially just perceive the ‘inconvenience’ to be more important than it really is: your child just spilled juice all over the floor or you are in a hurry and have to wait in a long lineup?
“6 o’clock news” helps you put things in perspective. I challenge you to try it out…next time someone around you is upset about something, just say “6 o’clock news” in a loud enough voice to make them stop and think. It has worked every time for us.
REFLECTION: In the process of clearing out the pigeonholes above the kitchen desk on the weekend, I discovered a Fuji Quick Snap film cartridge with the words ‘Summer ’98’ pencilled on the label. It’s impossible to tell with these little guys if the film has been developed or not, and I could not stand the suspense.
Thinking, perhaps, I’d unearthed a gem of remembrance, I dropped the film off at the photo counter at the local Shopper’s Drug Mart on my way home around 6:00 the next evening. The young woman behind the counter assured me that they did still handle that kind of film.
Then she immediately apologized that it would not be possible for her to turn the order around within the hour as she had several other jobs backlogged and was closing at 8:00. She further noted, again falling all over herself in apology, that she was pretty sure she could have the prints ready by noon the next day.
I laughed and reassured her that since the film had been hanging around for at least 12 years, I could easily wait a few more days – or even weeks for that matter. She looked surprised at my reaction. Apparently she serves a lot of people who have ‘last minute – must rush’ photo emergencies! (more…)
PAUSE – 10.23 – The Maturity Advantage
August 18, 2010
REFLECTION: A few years ago things were in flux in my husband’s workplace. Many of his co-workers were concerned about the impact of potential changes on their lives. Dave refused to get bent out of shape. When one of his colleagues asked him how he could stay so calm in the midst of the commotion, he replied, “They can’t scare me. I’ve raised teenagers.”
It was a laughable response, but one that contains a seed of truth. Life experience, if you pay attention as you go, leaves a certain amount of perspective in its wake. You start to have a better sense of what really matters. You become more skilled at separating the real risks from the imagined catastrophes. You build confidence in your ability to adapt and cope with whatever lies ahead.
It’s a phenomenon that I call the Maturity Advantage. (more…)
PAUSE – 10.22 – Burnout & Meltdowns
August 11, 2010
REFLECTION:
I’ve been thinking a lot about burnout in recent days. Not because I’m feeling burned out myself, although I have been there more than once in the past. But rather because I’ve been digging back through results of the Overload and Overwhelm survey that I conducted not too long ago. As I dip into the responses to the questions I am struck again by the serious impact of O & O on health and well-being.
Over and over again, people mention the downward spiral triggered by too many expectations and too few resources. They describe the hopeless feelings associated with not being able to see – much less envision – a light at the end of those endless tunnels of activity. And much of what they are doing seems pointless.
Still I’m hopeful. While meltdowns may be imminent, they’re not necessarily inevitable.
One of the things I have noted over the years, is that burnout is not always related to the number of hours worked. Although long hours can be an indicator of problems ahead.
Meltdowns and burnout are just as often connected to feelings of hopelessness and pointlessness. It’s like we’ve lost track of any meaning that might once have been associated with the activities that fill our days. And so while we invest more and more energy we experience fewer and fewer returns on that investment.
And therein lies one of the main challenges: staying connected to the reasons why we’re doing these things in the first place.
ACTION:
The next time you find yourself or someone else swirling towards burnout or meltdown, see if you can dig deep to reconnect with the meaning and point of the activities at the core of your days.
Think back to earlier times in your career, and try to remember what you found so engaging about the work in the first place.
Pinpoint why these day to day activities once mattered to you and to those you serve.
Ask others who know you well what your everyday contributions mean to them.
Pay attention to the things that clients, colleagues and family appreciate. Take note of how what you do contributes to their success or well-being.
In short, see if you can rediscover the meaning in the answers to these three basic questions: Why this? Why me? Why now?
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“It is not how busy you are, but why you are busy – the bee is praised, the mosquito is swatted.” – Author Unknown
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
Need some more inspiration about tapping into purpose? Check out Richard Leider’s work on discovering the power of purpose on this website: http://www.inventuregroup.com/ The site’s On Purpose Journal section features many interesting articles.
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READERS WRITE:
In response to last week’s message, Go For The Grin, Pause reader ED writes: When I left to spend a year teaching English in Japan, a friend gave me a journal with this quote on it: ‘Everyone smiles in the same language.’ I found it to be so very true. The streets & trains that I frequented were full of tired looking people and smiles were seldom seen, but I made a point of smiling at people. More often than not they responded in kind. I didn’t speak their language but with the flash of a smile, something was communicated.
REFLECTION: I’ve been thinking a lot about burnout in recent days. Not because I’m feeling burned out myself, although I have been there more than once in the past. But rather because I’ve been digging back through results of the Overload and Overwhelm survey that I conducted not too long ago. As I dip into the responses to the questions I am struck again by the serious impact of O & O on health and well-being.
Over and over again, people mention the downward spiral triggered by too many expectations and too few resources. They describe the hopeless feelings associated with not being able to see – much less envision – a light at the end of those endless tunnels of activity. And much of what they are doing seems pointless.
Still I’m hopeful. While meltdowns may be imminent, they are not inevitable.
One of the things I have noted over the years, is that burnout is not always related to the number of hours worked. Although long hours can be an indicator of problems ahead.
Meltdowns and burnout are just as often connected to feelings of hopelessness and pointlessness. (more…)
PAUSE -10.21- Go For The Grin
August 4, 2010
REFLECTION: Here’s something I’ve been observing for some time now. When I am out and about in public places – shopping the markets, gathering at festivals or theaters, or simply walking down the street – I’m looking at peoples’ faces and noticing their expressions. Do they appear happy, sad, indifferent, concerned? What emotion do they present to the world without even knowing they’re communicating?
I made a point of watching expressions on my July visit to Disneyworld. You would think if there’s any place on earth where you might expect to see smile after smile, and one set of sparkling eyes after another, it would be there. However, that was far from the case.
Sure, people cracked their smiles for the camera, but if you just watched the expressions on the faces as folks ambled down the streets of the Magic Kingdom, smiles were running at about 5% of the population. Even half hearted expressions of contentment were only running in the 25% range. The rest of the expressions ranged somewhere between numbly neutral and tersely tense. (more…)
PAUSE -10.20- Perfunctory?
July 28, 2010
REFLECTION:
I spent last week attending the National Speakers’ Association Convention in Orlando, Florida. As I’m sure you know, Orlando is the eastern US headquarters for the Disney operation. I did manage an evening visit to the Magic Kingdom and took an extra day post-conference to visit Epcot.
Disney theme parks are renowned for their high level of service to their guests. And, we encountered many kind, welcoming and helpful employees. That’s what made our contrasting experience with a couple of employees stand out so strongly. With both of these individuals, the word, perfunctory sprang to mind.
Perfunctory: mechanical, indifferent, careless, listless, superficial, as a formality only. You know perfunctory when you see it or hear it. How many times has a ‘Have a good day’ greeting been carelessly tossed your way, with no investment of emotion? That’s perfunctory.
Carry a bag to Disney (as with many other public places), and you’re subject to a search. Our security guy zipped open my bag, half-heartedly shifted the top item to the side, while looking over his shoulder in another direction, then pushed the bag back across the table with no further exploration. So much for security – perfunctory at best.
Our Jungle Cruise boat captain clearly wanted to be anywhere but at the wheel. His nonstop patter consisted of halfhearted attempts at humor, cynical comments, and sarcastic asides. Clearly on auto-pilot. To call his performance perfunctory would be generous.
Both were a real contrast to Alex, an employee at the Orlando World Center Marriott where I stayed. When I had trouble connecting to WiFi in the lobby one morning, Alex tried to give me a hand. It soon became clear the problem exceeded his expertise as well as mine. Rather than just shrugging and wishing me luck, Alex offered to call their IT department to give me a hand. When he learned I was headed into my next conference session, he asked what time I would be through and set an appointment time to reconvene with an IT rep to resolve the issue.
Alex was as good as his word. When I returned at the appointed time and place, Alex introduced me to Frederic who sat down with me and solved my access problems in the most congenial way in less than 5 minutes. Now that’s anything but perfunctory. In fact, I’d place Alex’s response clearly in the attentive, mindful, solicitous, and considerate department.
ACTION:
These experiences have me thinking about my own everyday reactions and interactions. Here’s the thing. It’s easy to see perfunctory responses in others. It’s not so easy to recognize them in ourselves.
Pause to consider:
* How often do you toss off an answer to a colleague’s question from that mindless auto responder part of your brain?
* Would your voice mail message be described as personal or perfunctory? How about the quaility of your good bye kiss to your spouse or life partner?
* When you put a meal on the table is it presented with care and attention, or tossed down in a perfunctory ‘That oughta fill you up’ manner?
If you find you’re in an auto-pilot rut, try responding in a more personal, less perfunctory way to more of the people and situations that show up in your life this week. It’s sure to make a difference for them and for you.
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QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. – Grandma Moses
Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out. – Anton Chekhov
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
For a few additional thoughts on this theme, see ‘Are You Just Going Through The Motions?’ at http://hilife2b.com/blog/motions
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READERS WRITE:
In response to the latest ezine message, Summer Reading, Pause reader PM writes: “Thanks for the reading tips. Another great read you recommended in the past was ‘Crazy Busy’. It’s definitely worth a re-recommendation. It was a great read and I often refer it on to others.
REFLECTION: I spent last week attending the National Speakers’ Association Convention in Orlando, Florida. As I’m sure you know, Orlando is the eastern US headquarters for the Disney operation. I did manage an evening visit to the Magic Kingdom and took an extra day post-conference to visit Epcot.
Disney theme parks are renowned for their high level of service to their guests. And, we encountered many kind, welcoming and helpful employees. That’s what made our contrasting experience with a couple of employees stand out so strongly. With both of these individuals, the word, perfunctory sprang to mind.
Perfunctory: mechanical, indifferent, careless, listless, superficial, as a formality only. You know perfunctory when you see it or hear it. How many times has a ‘Have a good day’ greeting been carelessly tossed your way, with no investment of emotion? That’s perfunctory. (more…)
PAUSE – 10.19 – Summer Reading
June 30, 2010
REFLECTION:
July is on our doorstep and summer awaits. One of the great joys of long, sunny summer days – especially when some of them are wide open ‘nothing planned’ vacation days – is the chance to curl up with a good book or two.
If you’re an everyday literary hunter and gatherer, you’ve probably got your supply on hand. They’re stacked up and backed up – hunkered down on that shelf in your office, loitering on the floor next to your living room chair, and languishing on your bedside table.
If, on the other hand, a trip to Chapters or a visit to Amazon are in your immediate future, I’d be glad to offer a couple of suggestions for recent books on life balance, focus and renewal that might spark your interest.
ACTION:
Pat’s recommended summer reading short-list to help you step back, take stock, and create an even more compelling and satisfying future includes:
* Do More Great Work – by Michael Bungay Stanier (Workman Publishing 2010). Lighthearted and meaty all at the same time. Lots of exercises to help you surface your preferences and map out a future of significance. Michael playfully challenges you to puzzle out answers to questions like these. What are you like at your best? What’s calling you? What’s broken? What’s possible?
* The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working – by Tony Schwartz (Simon & Schuster 2010). I’ve followed Tony’s work since he first authored The Power of Full Engagement a number of years ago. This new volume offers an air tight case for building in time and space for renewal – as individuals, teams and organizations. Grounded in research and tested by the organizations that have used and shaped his ideas, he offers practical suggestions (and compelling reasons) for making renewal a part of everyday personal and business life.
* Here are a couple of other books I’ve referenced in earlier Pause messages that are also definitely worth a read: ‘Find Your Focus Zone’ by Lucy Jo Palladino and ‘What Got You Here Won’t Get You There’ by Marshall Goldsmith. And, of course, if you haven’t already read it, I have to recommend ‘Press Pause…Press On’ by yours truly (Check Pauseworks Shop for details: http://www.pauseworks.com/shop/)
PS Does your summer reading taste run more to fictional escapes? If so, I recommend The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards. And although I have yet to read it, so can’t give you a personal recommendation, on the suggestion of a handful of friends I’ve packed Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen for my get away fiction reading. I’ll let you know what I think of it.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
Books can be dangerous. The best ones should be labeled “This could change your life.” – Helen Exley
It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it. – Oscar Wilde
(Sheesh, Oscar – I really had to think about that one for a while!)
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
Often worth exploring are Michael Bungay Stanier’s blog and website at: http://www.boxofcrayons.biz/
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READERS WRITE:
Last week’s Pause message, The Not So Classic BMW, generated quite a number of insightful replies from readers – too many to include here in the e-zine. I’ve posted a compilation of responses on my blog, so that you can explore them as well. Here’s the link to that post: http://www.pauseworks.com/wp/?p=1206
REFLECTION: July is on our doorstep and summer awaits. One of the great joys of long, sunny summer days – especially when some of them are wide open ‘nothing planned’ vacation days – is the chance to curl up with a good book or two.
If you’re an everyday literary hunter and gatherer, you’ve probably got your supply on hand. They’re stacked up and backed up – hunkered down on that shelf in your office, loitering on the floor next to your living room chair, and languishing on your bedside table.
If, on the other hand, a trip to Chapters or a visit to Amazon are in your immediate future, I’d be glad to offer a couple of suggestions for recent books on life balance, focus and renewal that might spark your interest. (more…)
Reader Responses To ‘The Not So Classic BMW’
June 29, 2010
My recent Pause e-zine message, ‘The Not So Classic BMW’, generated quite a number of thoughtful replies from readers. Here are a few of their thoughts on dealing with BMW (Bitch, Moan, Whine) behaviours in the workplace.
LC writes: As an office manager, I have a role that is important to the owners as well as the employees and it can be a difficult tight rope on given days and in given circumstances. I can be guilty of the BMW as well as offering a shoulder for complaints. I preach the leave it outside and let’s make it happen, but don’t always find myself following my own wisdom.
LF writes: This is something that I believe in and try to do. If you don’t like something, do what you can to improve things. If you are not successful at least you can then complain with some credibility. If you are successful, you have one less thing that irritates you.
JG writes: I loved the BMW insight and practical tool. I am always looking at ways to create a more positive and productive work environment for people who tend to see things a bit negatively. Of course, what hit home was the first point – consider whether or not I am contributing to the very behaviors I try to discourage – good question. I think I can safely say, ” No,” consciously, but there is a bit of me that may actually be an unintentional accomplice. Great food for thought – I can use the 4 step process on myself first…. Thanks! (more…)
PAUSE – 10.18 – The Not So Classic BMW
June 23, 2010
REFLECTION:
Nothing damages the morale of a workplace more than a collection of individuals whose response to every situation is to complain and criticize from the cozy confines of victimhood. “Isn’t it awful? How dare they? What were they thinking? Someone should do something about this!”
A recent conference participant, in a session I was delivering on encouragement and appreciation in the workplace, described this group as her BMW’s. Not the classic high priced automobile – but rather the folks who specialize in Bitching, Moaning, and Whining.
Her abbreviated description generated a considerable number of guffaws and knowing looks as other attendees nodded their heads in recognition. It seems the BMW problem is familiar to many. There might even be a few BMW’s ripping up the streets in your world.
ACTION:
So what to do and how to handle them? Here is a four level response you might find useful.
1. Consider whether you might be an unintentional accomplice who encourages BMW behavior. Pay attention to how often you commiserate or provide a forum (a willing ear and shoulder) for tired old complaints.
2. Determine if there’s a legitimate concern at the root of the BMW response. If there is, engage the individual in action that works to resolve the issue.
3. Notice if BMW behavior has simply become an habitual response. If that’s the case, make the person aware of the situation. Try your hand at coaching a turn-around that steers the individual towards a more positive response.
4. Identify the business consequences and collateral damage to the team that flow from BMW negativity. Position the snide asides as the performance problems that they are. Lay out clear expectations for change and potential consequences if the BMW behavior continues.
Each of us has a right to our own thoughts – both negative and positive. We also have a choice about what we decide to express. That expression carries with it a responsibility for the impact of our words and actions. Make it clear that BMWs should be parked outside and are not welcome in your workplace.
PS – If the BMW’s in your life are spewing a black cloud over your family or community group, similar rules of the road apply.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you’ve growled all day long.” – Author Unknown (But clearly someone with a good deal of insight and a great sense of humor!)
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
Check out this helpful article that includes seven tips for minimizing workplace negativity at: http://humanresources.about.com/od/workrelationships/a/negativity.htm
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READERS WRITE:
In response to last week’s message, ‘Getting Out There’, Pause reader DO writes: I started doing yoga about 18 months ago. One of the big benefits is the conscious breathing. When I think about physical activity you’ve described, or just being outside, I believe the deeper breath is a part of the cleansing and brightening process. I’ve noticed at recent meetings and events that when people go outside at break time the first thing they do is take a big deep breath.
REFLECTION: Nothing damages the morale of a workplace more than a collection of individuals whose response to every situation is to complain and criticize from the cozy confines of victimhood. “Isn’t it awful? How dare they? What were they thinking? Someone should do something about this!”
A recent conference participant, in a session I was delivering on encouragement and appreciation in the workplace, described this group as her BMW’s. Not the classic high priced automobile – but rather the folks who specialize in Bitching, Moaning, and Whining. (more…)
PAUSE – 10.17 – Getting Out There
June 16, 2010
REFLECTION:
It seems like weather everywhere has been pretty wonky so far this year. Here in Saskatchewan we’ve experienced record rainfalls. The dreary, grey cloud cover that delivers the daily driving rain has put a tangible damper on mood.
That changed as the last few days finally brought bright sunshine and warmer temperatures. There is a palpable shift in mind-set as people spend more time in motion and out of doors. Suddenly, the world seems brighter. Problems seem lighter.
Physical activity is a well known contributor to mental health. Moving around outdoors delivers an even greater bonus. There’s a whole world out there to engage in, nature’s beauty to appreciate, and a universe sized space that puts human size problems in perspective.
Getting out there gets us out there. It draws us out of our little corners of concern. It smooths away the mind ruts created by spinning around in our tiny circles of thought.
Our mothers were right when they told us to get out of the house – to go outside for awhile. Although it may have gotten us out from under their feet, it probably helped us find ours.
ACTION:
What would it take to get you outdoors today – and again tomorrow? And, I’m not talking about walking from the house to the vehicle and back again.
If you aren’t already doing so, look for those opportunities to take a few moments outside every day – even on days when it is too hot, too cool, too rainy, or too busy.
There are work-arounds for each of those obstacles. Too hot? Walk early or late. Too cool? Bundle up. Too rainy? Grab a poncho. Too busy? Combine a walk with a meeting or phone call.
Once you reap the benefits of getting yourself outdoors, you’ll wonder why you didn’t get out there sooner and more often.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life.” – Rachel Carson
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RESOURCE OF THE WEEK:
See this article for examples of research on the positive impact of nature on connectedness and generosity: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33243959/ns/health-behavior/
REFLECTION: It seems like weather everywhere has been pretty wonky so far this year. Here in Saskatchewan we’ve experienced record rainfalls. The dreary, grey cloud cover that delivers the daily driving rain has put a tangible damper on mood.
That changed as the last few days finally brought bright sunshine and warmer temperatures. There is a palpable shift in mind-set as people spend more time in motion and out of doors. Suddenly, the world seems brighter. Problems seem lighter.
Physical activity is a well known contributor to mental health. Moving around outdoors delivers an even greater bonus. There’s a whole world out there to engage in, nature’s beauty to appreciate, and a universe sized space that puts human size problems in perspective. (more…)
