Life in General

Talking and thinking about it … or acting and moving on it? Robert Genn makes a compelling argument for one of these approaches in this week’s Painter’s Keys blog post, Two Artists. And, the concept applies not just to artists, either.

I can see a number of areas in my life where I have spent or am spending way too much time in one vein and not nearly enough time in the other. How about you?

Reflection:  It’s October, and the geese are marshaling along the river. In the pre-dawn of my morning walk, I hear them long before I see them. Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! You’d swear you were approaching a major traffic jam on a morning commute in a congested city anywhere in the world.

Until, that is, the birds take to the air. At the break of dawn, one by one the gaggles of geese leave the river heading for greener pastures and points south.  As they lift from the water, wave after wave of syncopated wing beats sound just like a powerful ovation at the end of a fabulous performance.

It was one of the passing regulars along my walking route who brought it to my attention. In the midst of an especially long ovation, she greeted me with a cheery smile and this comment, “Nice of the geese to applaud our exercise program, don’t you think?”

This made me smile and wonder how often we take our own accomplishments for granted, and whether we might be missing other opportunities for small celebrations of things that are going right in our world.

You may find, that some days it’s tougher than others to keep on keeping on: to get out of bed in the morning, to tie on a pair of shoes and get some exercise, to tend to the relationships in your life, to deal with yet another set of challenges at work or at home. And yet most of us do what we need to do – day after day after day – often taking our own contributions for granted.

About a year ago, I started intentionally collecting and creating ideas for how we might do a stronger, more consistent job of celebrating some of our own success. And today, I’m delighted to announce (cue the geese) the launch of a brand new booklet called, Take A Bow – 67 Ways To Pause For Applause, Celebrate Your Success, And Keep Your Spirits High. You can read more about it in the Resource Of The Week section below. (more…)

Reflection: Have you ever tried to force the world (i.e – everything and everyone else) in your direction? That is, to plan, organize, coordinate, or coerce towards particular outcomes that you have in mind. Not infrequently, ‘the world’ has other ideas.

Over the years, I’ve learned that frustrating myself is not really a preferred state, and that there is an alternate approach called, ‘Let Go & Let Flow’. I was reminded how sweet an experience that can be on this summer’s Rocky Mountain adventure with my youngest daughter, Lindsay.

Back in April, we set the intention for a mother-daughter get away. We arranged three things: time on our calendars, childcare for her young son, and a cabin at Paradise Bungalows. As for the rest, we let it go and let it flow.

We had an awesome adventure as the world unfolded around us in the most serendipitous ways:

• My oldest daughter and her husband returned from their summer vacation the day before we traveled through Calgary, providing a place to overnight and a chance to get caught up on their news.
• West coast brother and sister in law were in Calgary for a wedding, and able to spring themselves from the festivities long enough to share a coffee and a visit while we were in town.
• On our first day at Lake Louise, the sun shone on our hike up to Agnes Lake and during our rest at the Tea House at the top. Just moments after we returned to our cabin, the skies burst and the rain thundered down. By then we were in the mood for a hot soak and a nap accompanied by the soothing sounds of rain pounding on the roof (and, thankfully, not on our heads).
• The Baker Creek Bistro re-opened the week of our visit and offered the most spectacular smoked trout pasta – and a bonus black bear sighting en route to dinner.
• Despite the busyness of the August season in the Rockies, parking spots magically appeared every single time we needed one – without fail.

And so it went.

I can take no credit whatsoever for any of these lucky circumstances. All the planning in the world wouldn’t have guaranteed those outcomes. But resting in the possibilities of the moment and being willing to go with the flow made for an easy enjoyable journey. (more…)

Reflection: 

How do you typically respond when someone shares good news with you?

Suppose a colleague or friend shares news about their awesome summer road trip. Which of these responses are you most likely to choose?

1. Say “Hmph!” and turn away.
2. Say “ Gee that sounds like way too much time at the wheel, cooped up in a car with the kids. I bet it was exhausting, putting on all those miles!” while frowning and shaking your head.
3. Say “Heh, good for you!” showing little or no emotion.
4. Say “I’m delighted your vacation went so well. I know how much you were looking forward to it. Let’s have lunch so you can fill me in on the details!” while smiling and maintaining eye contact.

All the responses have positive or negative consequences for your relationship, and option 4 stands the best chance of building it up.

In her research on relationships, Shelley Gable from the University of California, has learned that the quality of your reaction can make a huge difference and contribute directly to either strengthening or diminishing the relationship. She describes four categories of replies. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: To try or not to try—that is the question! A fine line can be drawn between mastery and ceaseless striving, and an even finer line between giving up and letting go. The distinction rests in action and control. Consider these four scenarios.

When you find yourself in a situation in which you have some control and you take action, you are on the road to mastery. You’ve chosen a strong direction and a fine destination.

When you keep pushing in a situation in which you have no control, you beat your head against the proverbial brick wall. Your ceaseless striving yields bruises and headaches.

In a situation in which you have control and you do nothing, you’re throwing up your hands and giving up. This action is sometimes appropriate—one can only summon the energy for so many struggles at once. However, when used as a constant pattern, you run the risk of bouncing around at the whim of the world.

When you have no control over an outcome or decision and you stop trying to push, shove and conquer, you are letting go. It’s often a wise choice in a powerless situation.

To live, think, and work effectively, exercise your influence in the areas in which you have control. Once you’ve reviewed your options and done your due diligence, then make your decision and act. That’s mastery!

Let go of the rest. You won’t help yourself or others if you continue to fret and stew about situations that are far beyond your influence and control. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Why did the chicken cross the road? Could it be that in her efforts to lay more eggs, the poor bird found herself spinning out of control? Caught up in a frenzy of flapping and fussing, she flew the coop and hit the highway – losing both her why and her way!

It happens. The flying feathers scenario reminds me of a cartoon that features an old-time manager mentoring a newcomer on the need to look busy in the workplace. The old-timer schools the novice in the fine art of rushing and paper-carrying, stressing both are vital to success in the ultramodern, ultrabusy workplace.

Given this mindset, it’s not surprising that Bruch & Goshal’s study of managerial effectiveness concluded that only 10 percent of the managers they studied spent their time in committed, purposeful, and reflective ways. Yikes!

According to these researchers, managerial effectiveness needs two things: (1) focus (targeted action and follow through) partnered with (2) energy (the vigor that comes with strong personal commitment). Distracted managers who pour great gobs of energy into poorly focused tasks confuse a frenzy of activity—such as briskly carrying papers—with purposeful action.

If you, like the poor misguided chicken or the managers studied by Bruch & Goshal, find yourself running off in all directions with little to show for it, flapping harder may not be your best approach. Slow down, check your position, consult your plan, and rethink your intentions.

Just those simple actions will help you avoid a chicken-with-its-head-cut-off approach to life. All flap, no focus! All fuss, no egg! (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Have you ever promised those who are important in your life (including yourself) that you’ll have time for them soon? Soon is a nebulous time that never seems to roll around.

Setting targets can shift the balance. Try these approaches: Set one date a week with your partner, plan a special monthly event with each of your youngsters, hold Monday nights for a yoga class (no exceptions), or reserve Friday evenings as veg-out time.

Take the same approach in the professional arena. Don’t let promises to learn that new software program fall by the wayside. Book an appointment with yourself for the first half hour every Thursday and work your way through the tutorial 30 minutes at a time for the next six weeks.

Are you losing touch with colleagues or employees? Make lunch on Friday your plug-in point. Invite a different colleague to join you each week. Use the time to strengthen that relationship.

Choose what works for you. Create your own targets for connection, development, and renewal. Enter your target activities in your calendar and honor them as you would any high-priority commitment. (more…)

Reflection & Action: Imagine a page with text spilling off the edges. Imagine a schedule crammed solid with meetings from morning to night. Imagine your clothes fitted so tightly there’s no room to breathe. Imagine a car without bumpers. The result? No place to rest your eyes, no ease, no grace, no protection from the bumps and bruises of life.

So it is in a life without buffers. Dr. Richard Swenson⁶ suggests that in our preoccupation with speed and progress we end up sacrificing our margins. Margin is that difference between your load and your limits (i.e.- physical and emotional energy, finances, and time). Think of it as the reserve space, or leeway in your life.

Living a ‘just in time’ existence at the edge of your resources can be exciting, but it comes with a cost. It leaves no cushion for tough times, surprises, unexpected problems or opportunities. And, as any high speed adventurer knows, crash without padding, and you will come to know pain on a first name basis.

Do you know and honor your own limits. In handling resources of time, money, or energy, at what point do you shift from swimming with strength, confidence and direction to drown-proofing, and then to drowning?  Even tiny margins (a few extra minutes, a few extra dollars, or a few extra winks) can make a big difference in how fast and how often you hit bottom.

Build in margins in small, doable ways. Leave a few minutes early for your next appointment. Stop working on a project before you reach the point of complete exhaustion. Make your next purchase well within your means rather than pushing to the outside limit of your bank account. (more…)

Love this observation by Dewitt Jones about the visual gifts life is presenting him with as a photographer. I think it applies to life in general:

“I don’t have to know. Something is happening and I’m having too much fun following it. I’ll just try and show up every day with all my receptors open. No brakes. No judgments. I don’t want to miss any of the gifts.”

You can read the entire article online in Outdoor Photographer.

Reflection: Moment by moment, and day by day, decisions define our future.

Say yes to too many tasks with unrealistic deadlines, and time for renewal flies out the window. Sacrifice renewal and there goes access to a clear mind and creative thought.

Say yes to fast food or high cal snacks, and sound nutrition morphs into a hazy mirage on the horizon of good intentions. Sacrifice sound nutrition and there goes the capacity to maintain a healthy weight and robust energy.

Say nasty things in the heat of the moment, and key relationships start resembling beat up appliances in a scratch and dent sale. Damage too many relationships and there goes the support and the satisfaction that accompany quality connections.

Sure, we can and do make SOME of those less desirable choices without disastrous results. None of us are immune.

We just need to be aware of the multiplier effect over time. It’s a matter of balancing near term expedience with long-term consequence.

Action: Consider the long view as often as possible. Take any action and multiply it by ten, a hundred, or a thousand.

Then ask yourself this question: “Will more choices like that move you nearer to or further from your vision of the best life possible?”

Choose with care and an eye to the future.

(more…)