Life Balance

REFLECTION: Welcome back, everybody. The holidays are now behind us; and, on reflection, I realized a thing or two about a very helpful practice known as savoring.

I now know why, on Christmas Eve, my grandson is so eager for Santa’s arrival that he can barely contain himself. I now know why my mother’s Christmas gifts sit at her feet unopened while she watches the rest of us rip into our parcels. I now know why I leave the Christmas tree lit up for an extra week after the new year has arrived.

It’s because we’re all, in our own ways, savoring the experience: the anticipation of magic, the excitement of watching a recipient’s face light up in delight, the soft glow of the lights against the January darkness.

Research by positive psychologist, Dr Fred Bryant, shows that those who regularly and frequently savor are happier and more satisfied with life in general. They are more optimistic; and they are less depressed. Who wouldn’t want that?

Savoring is about marveling, basking, admiring, appreciating, and luxuriating. It’s about paying attention, tuning in, soaking it up.  Savoring is emphatically not about multitasking, rushing, hurrying, and speeding on to the next. (more…)

Feeling squeezed by the pressures of this crazymaking world of ours? Unless you’re in the end stages of childbirth (a rare occurrence for most of us), don’t simply bear down and push harder. In everyday experience, that leads directly to crash ‘n’ burn or blur ‘n’ endure.

If you want better outcomes, make better choices. Stop overloading and start rightloading your life.

Here are five ways to move in a more positive direction for the year ahead:

1. Shift how you carry the load. Step away from your work and responsibilities every 90 minutes or so to do something renewing. See frequent pauses as an investment in being able to continue – not a reward for being done.
2. Watch how you define the load. Stop creating discretionary burdens. When you don’t know how something will turn out (and we rarely do), assume the best. Refuse to wallow in worry. See meltdowns as optional – not inevitable.
3. Learn to control the load. Negotiate expectations – speak up about overloading, multi-loading and perpetual loading. Monitor the place of technology in your life. Set your own rules for when you are connected and unplugged.
4. Make time to celebrate the load. Relationships and opportunities come with demands and expectations; they also deliver rewards.  Some things that we complain we ‘have to do’ we are actually lucky we ‘get to do’. Give an unreserved ‘Yes’ to invitations that will enrich your life.
5. Put speed in its place. A fast answer is not necessarily a good answer. Every request is not an emergency. There’s no need to constantly pepper our conversations with the word, quick: a quick word, a quick trip, a quick lunch, a quick visit. Conversations, lunches and connections are all legitimate uses of time.

Calm down. Slow down. Take it easy.  Press pause…think again!

PS – For more helpful action-prompting suggestions on this theme, get yourself a copy of my latest book (Press Pause…Think Again) and nab a copy or two for others who share your dilemma. Start a Press Pause support team and create a more sane and satisfying environment in the year ahead. Happy New Year!

In a world awash with media headlines, advertising slogans, bumper stickers, FB status updates, Tweets, and abbreviated OMG emoticons, it’s a wonder that complete thoughts still mean as much as they do.

If reader response to my ‘Quote of the Week’ section is any indicator, we continue to experience pithy ideas uttered or written by others as an opportunity to pause and ponder.

Earlier this month, I turned the tables, asking Pause readers to share their favorite quotes on balance and perspective with me. They did not disappoint.

And so, as promised, I share this contributed collection of inspiration – this bricolage – of words of meaning. A bricolage – my new favorite word – is something that is made or put together with whatever materials happen to be available. That’s a pretty apt description of all those quotes and phrases that hang on our refrigerators or bulletin boards, frame our computer screens, and adorn the tail end of our email messages.

I’ve chosen a baker’s dozen to share in the body of this e-zine. And, this link will take you to the complete collection of contributions. (Where sources were provided I’ve included them with the quotes.)

Thanks to all of you who took the time to dip into your collections and share your favs with the rest of us.

This will be my last Pause message of the year. I’m taking the week between Christmas and New Year’s to pause, relax and celebrate with family.

I’ll be devoting the first week of the New Year to a couple of specific creative projects. And, so, your first Pause e-zine of 2012 will appear in your In Box on January 11.

In the meantime, I wish you and yours the very best of the season – a time of warmth and fellowship. May you gather close and set aside your lists of things to do while you experience and remember what matters most in this wild and woolly world of ours. Peace, love, joy, hope and pause to you all.

PS – Here’s a link to our 2011 Katz Family Photo Review, if you care to take a peak.

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A Bricolage Of Inspiration

Via Alvina F:

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

Via Mo K:

Live so that they won’t have to lie at your funeral.

To put everything in balance is good, to put everything in harmony is better. – Victor Hugo

Via Dawn M:

The world is wide, and I would not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum. – Frances Willard

Via Cheryl W:

I can’t be happy every day, but at least I can be cheerful !

Via Stacy M:

Patience in the present, faith in the future, and joy in the doing. – George Perera

Via Lou M:

Work when there is work to do. Rest when you are tired. One thing done in peace will most likely be better than ten things done in panic. I am not a hero if I deny rest; I am only tired. – Susan McHenry

Via Sherrill M:

I believe that for each of us, the presence of our being is the greatest gift we can give. Truly accepting and loving ourselves has a ripple effect beyond comprehension. – Courtney Milne

Via Susan E:

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.

Happiness consists of living each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your vacation.

Via Allan P:

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. – Harriet Beecher Stowe

Via Janice T:

You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.

Via Debbie W:

Have a wonderful festive season and may your gifts of togetherness with family and friends be wrapped up with ribbons and bows!

Once again, here is the link to the complete collection of contributions .  Enjoy!

REFLECTION: Are you connected? In this social media world of ours, that question usually refers to whether or not you have a Facebook account, a Twitter feed or a Linked In profile. Although I do have all three of those, I occasionally find myself conflicted about their value in my life.

What I note is that the relationships that seem to mean the most in my world are those cultivated not just through electronic postings but by engaging in meaningful conversations, sharing social experiences, working together on projects, or spending real time/face time in each other’s lives.

In fact, I’ve noticed that spending too much time on social media sites like Facebook can actually have a negative impact on my happiness and well-being. The constant shifts in topic and direction leave me with mental whiplash. As I read about the exciting events and activities in the lives of others, I do feel happy for them; and then occasionally my thoughts shift from celebration to a state of comparison where, not infrequently, my life – as satisfying as it often is – seems to come up short. What’s more, tracking the ‘breaking social news’ keeps me from putting in real time on real goals, real projects, and real relationships of my own.

I think that’s why when I was introduced to Sonja Lyubomirsky’s list of 12 Things Happy People Do Differently, number three grabbed my attention.  It reads: Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. Lyubomirsky advises if you feel called to compare yourself to something or someone else, compare yourself to an earlier version of yourself. That way you will credit yourself for the hard work YOU’VE done and the progress YOU’VE made. (more…)

REFLECTION: It took a while to scan the listing of special events in Saturday’s entertainment column of our local newspaper. Five minutes later my head was spinning!

The first weekend of December offered a veritable frenzy of theatre productions, band concerts, choir performances, art and craft bazaars, light tours … and the list went on.  They’re all good things of course. The question is how much room is there in our lives for even the best of things?

The weeks leading up to Christmas, Hannukah and other end of year celebrations are a welcome time of entertainment and celebration – reconnecting with friends and family and remembering the reason for the season. It’s a time when it’s way too easy to overeat and overspend. And it’s equally easy to overbook – loading up the calendar so heavily that even good things end up feeling like one more thing we must squeeze in.

ACTION: Here’s an approach that can help to keep the season light. (more…)

REFLECTION: What do you care most about in your workplace? And what are the chances it might be the same things that others care about?

This is a question endlessly researched by organizations everywhere as they do their best to keep their people happy.

Results from a survey released in October of this year by Mercer, one of the world’s leading HR consulting firms, tell a familiar story about what motivates Canadian and US workers and helps them feel more engaged at work.

Drum roll, please. In order of importance, employees are affected by:

1. Being treated with respect
2. Work-life balance
3. Type of work they do
4. Quality of people they work with
5. Quality of leadership in the organization

Although the results may not be surprising, what is surprising is that measures of what’s most important continues to remain similar even in the face of economic downturns and challenges.

ACTION: So what do these results suggest about the way we treat each other in our organizations? (more…)

REFLECTION: Every once in a while, I stumble across goofy lists of antiquated laws. Here are a few of my most recent finds. In Denver, Colorado, it was once unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. In New York, it was unlawful to walk around with an ice cream cone in your pocket on Sunday. In North Dakota, it was against the law to fall asleep with your shoes on.

Now as to whether these laws are still in place or not, I cannot testify. Presumably at the time the laws were written and passed, the rules made perfect sense to somebody. Years later, we find ourselves stuck in a time warp with behavior guides that have long outlived their usefulness.

As easy as it can be to chuckle at the seeming absurdities of the behaviors of others, it’s much tougher to look at our own ‘life rules’, habits and guidelines with an inquiring mind and eye. (more…)

REFLECTION:  It’s pretty easy for me to take a spin on my high horse when it comes to technology use and misuse. A while ago I found myself feeling self-righteous when a FB acquaintance posted a status update that read, “I’m really enjoying celebrating my xth anniversary – sharing dinner with my husband.” I thought to myself, you’re not really celebrating with your husband, you’re hanging with your FB pals and chatting with your Twitter buddies.

But, as they say, the chickens do come home to roost. Within days of the aforementioned FB post, my own husband and I were on vacation, lunching in Bar Harbor, Maine. These days, I always travel with my sketchbook, and have been known on occasion to lobby for a restaurant, or call dibs on a particular seat at a table, based on what there is to sketch while we’re waiting for lunch. This was one of those days.

No sooner had I placed an order for a lobster roll and a glass of wine, than I whipped out my art supplies, zeroed in on my target and started to sketch. About 5 minutes into the sketching, Dave posed this question, “So, tell me. How does a sketchbook differ from a Blackberry?”

As they say in the trade:  Busted!

What he was really saying – and what he did go on to say in the clearest and kindest way possible – is that it was lonely on the other side of the table.  (more…)

REFLECTION: One of the roads we frequently travel during the early morning rush is under construction. At the best of times, it can be quite a wait for a break in the traffic large enough to make that right turn at the Stop sign and get up to speed. Now that construction has narrowed the road from two lanes to one, things have changed.

There is still just as much traffic as before. What’s different is that all those vehicles are now trying to thread the needle through a single lane, so it’s even more nonstop than before. But, no longer is the wait interminable.

You don’t wait at that Stop sign for long, until a driver on the main road slows to a crawl and motions you to pull into the space created. And, once one person makes that gesture of kindness, most who trail behind follow suit. What was previously a Stop and Hope intersection morphs into a Merge and Wave demonstration of civility.

In our world, there’s lots of attention paid to ‘civil disobedience’ – raucous demonstrators and riots in the streets. However, not much attention is paid to civil obeisance – those everyday simple gestures of deference and respect that turn our world into a friendlier place.

ACTION: The most amazing thing about the whole phenomenon is that it only takes one. (more…)

REFLECTION: There’s a first time for everything. It’s a trite but true saying that packs a lot of impact.

I was thinking about that idea this week as I prepared to deliver a session on appreciation and encouragement for a group of corporate trainers.

To an experienced presenter, another day in the seminar room might be experienced as ‘business as usual’. However, for some of the first time learners, being in a classroom may be far from their everyday experience. Although a change of pace and a chance to learn something new may be exciting for them, it may also feel risky. And if their past experiences in learning settings were not exactly supportive (like long division trauma at the Grade Five chalkboard), they may be worried about whether they will measure up, be embarrassed, or even be able to understand what’s going on.

Think back to a few of your own experiences along the way: starting grade one, first day of high school, beginning a brand new job. Although you may have been all smiles on the outside, chances are good there was a major case of nerves brewing on the inside.

It’s not just education that delivers the first time jitters. Healthcare:  first time you undergo surgery.  Finance: first time you sign your name for a major loan or a mortgage. Parenting: first time you realize this helpless creature is entirely dependent on you.

Here’s where I’m going with this. (more…)