burnout

REFLECTION & ACTION: As I listen to reports of life’s daily events, I witness indignation, wailing, and gnashing of teeth over supposed slights and imagined dastardly deeds. Yes, I even catch myself engaging in these flights of fancy from time to time.

Sometimes an illness is just an illness-not something caused by careless hygiene, dubious nutrition, or medical malpractice. Sometimes lost keys and bank cards are misplaced-not the work of a stealthy thief with sticky fingers. Sometimes an offhand remark is just plain thoughtless-not part of a diabolical plot to undermine our authority or self-esteem. Talk about blowing things out of proportion!

At the same time, much of the stress that leads someone to behave badly remains invisible to others. We aren’t always privy to each others’ burdens: an angry client, an ailing parent, a truant teen, a leaky roof, a dwindling bank account, a frightening medical report, an estranged friendship.

Let’s be more magnanimous with ourselves and each other. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: In the early years of my business, I worked many weekends and often delivered an all-day seminar followed by an evening presentation. As burnout loomed, I chose a policy of working just one weekend a month, speaking and training no more than three days a week, and presenting in only two out of three time slots on a given day (morning, afternoon, or evening).

My productivity and energy soared. Amazingly, so did my profits. Clearly, taking care of myself was also good for my business.

Community service is another area where overload shifts the experience from blessing to burden. How many community groups can you serve at a time and still feel enthused as you head out the door to another evening meeting?

If you’re frustrated en route, you’ll feel less than enthusiastic at the meeting itself. Rest assured, if you don’t want to be there and can’t wait to get away, you aren’t the ray of sunshine that will brighten the day for others. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Over the years, most of our family vacations have included an emotional meltdown by one member or another at some point during the trip. Our most “memorable” vacations have featured multiple meltdowns, triggered by lapses in communication or thwarted expectations.

One vacation meltdown occurred over something my traveling partner couldn’t control. Really, what are the chances he would consciously choose to have a killer cold coupled with zero enthusiasm on our only day on the beautiful Greek island of Mykonos?

Nevertheless, there I was-stuck in a snit-actively making a rough day worse. The speaker in me tried to talk it out. The writer in me grabbed my journal and scratched out my frustrations on paper. Neither approach tempered my bad humor.

It was only a change in my frame of reference that turned my mood around. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Ask people about their most satisfying experiences with time. You might be surprised by their answers. Yes, the pleasure of accomplishment-getting projects done and checking tasks off lists-ranks high. However, you’ll find that the experience of unstructured, wide-open chunks of time with no planned activities is right up there, too.

It’s refreshing to have an hour, an afternoon, or a day to putter and ramble-to go where the spirit moves you, not feeling pressured to be anywhere or do anything in particular. Think of this as white space on your calendar-a wide-open chunk of time with no special commitments or duties.

It’s a time when you could invite that new colleague for coffee and conversation or dip into the professional reading that’s been piling up in the corner of your office. You might lean over the fence and visit with the neighbors. You could play a round of Monopoly with the kids or snuggle up on the couch with your partner. You could curl up in a hammock with a good book. Or you could simply do nothing at all. (more…)

EDITOR’S NOTE: This year, during the months of July and August, your weekly Pause messages will feature the ‘Best Of Pause’ – readers’ favorite messages from the earliest years of the Pause e-zine. Featuring the Pause Gems will give me a bit of a breather to regroup, research, and develop some great new material. It will also introduce our more recent subscribers to some of those early gems.

Whether you are a long time subscriber, or new to our list, I sincerely hope you enjoy these messages. Have a wonderful summer. I’ll be back again in September with your regular Pause format featuring all new info and resources.

REFLECTION & ACTION: According to a Priority Management survey of 3,000 North Americans, Europeans, and folks from “Down Under,” only 5 percent report that they feel a sense of personal accomplishment at the end of each day.

Even though 80 percent of these respondents work more than 40 hours a week, 95 percent of the executives, administrators, and employees surveyed head out the door at day’s end feeling disappointed in themselves.

Are you one of those 95 percent? (more…)

REFLECTION: It’s been an active spring here with program design and delivery, travelling for work and pleasure, shepherding my next book through its the final stages of design, and tending the yard and garden. As a result, I’ve been feeling twinges that tell me I’m growing out of touch with friends and family.

And so, over the last few weeks I’ve been consciously making efforts to reach out – to act on those urges to reconnect. When J left email and phone messages on my birthday, I called her back and we had a great voice to voice visit that ended in plans to get together later this summer. When C responded to the contents of a Pause message with an email message carrying news of her own, I picked up the phone and we had a great half hour catching up voice to voice.

When I realized how long it had been since L and I had visited, on spec that she might be in town, I called to see if she was up for lunch. She was, we did, and I remembered why face to face visits and time spent with friends are so uplifting and affirming. When I noticed my sister in Saudi had just posted a message to Facebook, I messaged to see if she was free. She was, and we enjoyed a one hour Skype visit – voice to voice and face to face – catching up on each other’s news.

In every case, I ended up delighted with the exchange that followed as a result of acting on that urge to reconnect. And, I’m feeling much more in touch and in tune. (more…)

Here are a few excerpts from reader replies to the recent Pause Blog Posting:  It’s All Good – Or Is It ? The message generated some strong feelings and thoughtful responses.

MS writes: ‘It’s all good’, I found that thought provoking. I do use that term but not at the times you describe. I find I use it when things in my life are busy but overall good. I find when things are stressful that the words I say to myself and others to get through is “this too shall pass”. This reminds me that although things are stressful now, they will get better and they will improve. I need this reminder to be patient, to try not to worry too much and to keep positive.

PJ writes:  I’m  glad you brought up this phrase “It’s all good”.  When people say this, they are either trying to present a brave front or they are just avoiding being real. For me, this phrase has become far too common, and has progressed to the category of irritant. It’s not even sincere, because, let’s face it:  it’s NOT all good. Life has its difficult moments. If people want to share the realities of their life with me, I would far rather hear them say something like,  “I’ve been going through a rough patch, but doing my best to handle things.”  –  rather than toss off some glib little catch phrase. It’s a bit of a pet peeve for me. And you are right in advising people to examine what’s really going on when they use this line as a constant mantra. (more…)

REFLECTION: I bumped into a friend the other day, asked her how she was, and watched her promptly burst into tears. She’d hit the wall, overwhelmed by a series of business growth challenges heaped on her plate. As she outlined each challenge in turn, she punctuated each description with the phrase, “But, it’s all good!” Working through the current stresses may well generate significant future returns. Still, I couldn’t help but note – and worry – that each restatement of the phrase, “It’s All Good”, was accompanied by an uber-pained look resembling someone passing a serious gall stone.

Just a few days later, I listened to another friend describe the serious health challenges being faced by several members of her family. She, too, punctuated the litany of tough situations with the phrase, “But, it’s all good.”

And, in an online update, yet a third friend, referenced a  business disappointment and ended her posting with the phrase, “But, it’s all good!”

They’re not alone, of course. I’ve said those words myself in the face of some very tough situations. Maybe you have, too.

Now, it could well be that all of these situations are minor glitches, temporary overloads, and short term challenges  – something to be endured and embraced in the service of growth or another valued purpose. And, it’s true that a positive, optimistic spirit is a helpful mindset to hold – and even occasionally our ONLY good choice.

Still, a part of me can’t help but wonder if sometimes  ‘It’s All Good!” isn’t more a statement of faith than a statement of fact. And, might continually repeating the mantra distance us from taking a closer look at the reality of our situation. (more…)

REFLECTION: I love it when seminar and conference participants share their stories and struggles with balance. It helps ease the pressure for us to hear of each other’s challenges and to know we’re not alone in our wacky responses to life’s stresses.

At a recent conference, I shared a few examples of the crazymaking things people do in their attempts to speed their way through the overloaded demands of the day. (If you’d like a refresher on this, check out my ‘Crazymaking World’ video clip on the Pauseworks website. )

During the morning break it was attendee Carol’s turn to make me laugh. She told me that when she wants to give something a half a minute in the microwave she punches in 33 seconds. She swears it’s faster to punch the same digit twice than to waste time looking for the 3 and the 0! I’m pretty sure 33 would be slightly faster. But the real question of importance is: “Does it make life slightly better?”

Carol also responded to a vignette I’d relayed of a busy parent screaming through the front door at day’s end – kicking backpacks and jackets out of the way and shouting out homework and supper instructions to the kids. Apparently this had been her style of re-entry, too, until the day her teenager asked, “Mom, do you walk through the door yelling even when there’s no one home?”

It was one of those ‘hold the mirror’, ‘dagger to the heart’ moments that caused Carol to stop and take a closer look at herself through the eyes of those who matter most. (more…)