attitude

REFLECTION: I love it when seminar and conference participants share their stories and struggles with balance. It helps ease the pressure for us to hear of each other’s challenges and to know we’re not alone in our wacky responses to life’s stresses.

At a recent conference, I shared a few examples of the crazymaking things people do in their attempts to speed their way through the overloaded demands of the day. (If you’d like a refresher on this, check out my ‘Crazymaking World’ video clip on the Pauseworks website. )

During the morning break it was attendee Carol’s turn to make me laugh. She told me that when she wants to give something a half a minute in the microwave she punches in 33 seconds. She swears it’s faster to punch the same digit twice than to waste time looking for the 3 and the 0! I’m pretty sure 33 would be slightly faster. But the real question of importance is: “Does it make life slightly better?”

Carol also responded to a vignette I’d relayed of a busy parent screaming through the front door at day’s end – kicking backpacks and jackets out of the way and shouting out homework and supper instructions to the kids. Apparently this had been her style of re-entry, too, until the day her teenager asked, “Mom, do you walk through the door yelling even when there’s no one home?”

It was one of those ‘hold the mirror’, ‘dagger to the heart’ moments that caused Carol to stop and take a closer look at herself through the eyes of those who matter most. (more…)

REFLECTION: How do you know you’re racing your engine too fast? When you stop at a red light, you can’t remember where you are going or why, and have to pull over to call home and be reminded just what errand you are running. That’s a true experience shared by a participant in one of my recent ‘Take a Break & Get A Grip’ conference presentations.

He is way too young to attribute the experience to a ‘senior moment’. And, of course, a ‘one-of’ experience like this does not suggest early-onset Alzheimers. But…it could well be an indicator light on the dashboard of life suggesting it’s time to slow down, tune in, and focus on the task at hand.

ACTION: The next time you start racing to and fro, speeding along with very little conscious direction or intent, jot this trio of questions on a brightly colored post-it note. (more…)

REFLECTION: These days, merchandisers are pretty adept at bundling goods and services together in the hopes of extending one purchase into a bigger payday. A telecom will sell you a phone line and then bundle in internet service, cell phone, and unlimited long distance. At our Canadian Tim Horton’s you can purchase chili and a bun with coffee  – and for another 14 cents Timmy tosses in a donut. Bundle! Bundle! Bundle!

Bundling CAN create good deals. And yet, as much of a bargain as it may be financially, bundling can also bring you more than you need or want, more than you bargained for, or, literally, more than you can chew.

The concept of bundling popped to mind as I recently listened to a colleague fret about a complicated workplace problem. It was clear that by taking one issue and bundling it together with others she was making the situation more difficult and overwhelming than it needed to be. On top of the precipitating problem with Employee A, she had layered an ongoing performance concern about Colleague B, and was already anticipating having to deal with the fallout of the situation on Employees C & D.

Truly, she had legitimate concerns in all three areas; and all would have to be addressed at some point. However, bundling them together in the moment had sent her into a tail spin. (more…)

REFLECTION: On our last morning in Paris, I step out on the narrow balcony of our hotel room for one last time to see what’s happening in the street. Directly across the way, an elderly lady in her nightgown tends her window box geraniums. Several floors below a nun heads down the street, hands extended in front of her, holding what appears to be a blackberry. On closer inspection, I see she has two thumbs firmly fixed on the open pages of her prayer book. She traces the words as she walks. Not a blackberry prayer at all – something else entirely!

A few moments later we’re riding the airport shuttle winding our way through the city to Charles de Gaulle. Near the Sorbonne, someone has placed a bright red traffic cone on the top of a statue turning an elegant aristocrat into a redheaded witch. I laugh out loud. A few blocks later, homeless man sits up in his makeshift bed on the street. With his left arm he flaps his trousers in the air (perhaps his version of doing the laundry). With a grimace and wild motions of his right arm, he wafts away the odor left in their wake. My heart pings.

At every turn, there are sights to take in and moments to note. I’m struck by how much easier it seems to stay tuned when you’ve stepped outside your everyday routine.

A day later, on my first morning back in Saskatoon, I find myself wide awake at 3:30 in the morning (near noon in Paris). (more…)

REFLECTION: 41 years ago today (April 13, 1970), Jack Swigert, astronaut on the infamous Apollo 13 mission delivered this memorable phrase, “Houston, we’ve got a problem!”, after an oxygen tank burst on their way to the Moon. In fact, Swigert’s actual words were: “OK, Houston. Hey, we’ve got a problem here.” But over the years and through the magic of editing, the phrase has been shortened for dramatic effect.

Once the discovery was made, and the problem identified, the Apollo mission quickly shifted from one of exploration (a third lunar landing) to survival (getting the crew back to earth alive). Imagine, however, if the flight crew and ground crew had all stayed stuck in their fear. What would have been the likelihood of a positive outcome?

It’s been years since the event itself, and it’s been years since I last saw the movie, Apollo 13. However, it’s been nowhere near that long since I witnessed someone getting severely bent out of shape about a life altering event or circumstance – myself included.

Problems come and problems go. Some of them are Apollo dramatic and truly life threatening. Others are simply minor blips on the old Stress-O-Meter Radar. The challenge is one of sifting the serious challenges from the minor irritations. (more…)

REFLECTION: It seems that part of living is learning to say good bye. I bid farewell last week to a former colleague and mentor, Harold Baker, with whom I had worked at the U of S years ago, and with whom I had kept in touch over the years. Harold, as testimonials at his memorial service confirmed, was a kind man, a gentleman, a selfless giver, a mentor, a teacher, and, above all, a community builder.

When I was in my early 20’s, and Harold was already a couple of decades further down this road of life, he and I were teamed up as staff partners at a youth development event. While our assigned group of thirty teenagers chatted and milled around us, we settled into the front seats of our charter bus for a short road trip to an out-of-town venue. As the bus reached the highway and headed for the open road, Harold turned to me and inquired, “So, tell me, young lady, exactly what do you intend to do with your life?”

Now, I’d heard a variation or two on that question before. From the time we can talk, as children, we are quizzed by the adults in our lives. “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?” But this was not that kind of question. There was no condescension, no playfully poking fun, no making light conversation.

It was a simple, sincere, inquiry that carried a raft of implied messages – these amongst them. That even at this young age and early stage in my career, he saw me as capable of serious intentions and grand ambitions. That it was not too early – nor too late –  to lift up my eyes and set my sails. That my plans might include a contribution or two to the lives of others and not just focus on my own self interests.

For me, it was a game-changing question. (more…)

REFLECTION: Last week marked a significant change in my extended family, as my parents moved from their home on the farm into a brand new residence in Saskatoon. My Dad was born in that farmhouse 85 years ago. He lived and worked there for most of his life. My Mom joined him on the farm when they married 60 years ago.

Together they raised a family of six girls, who eventually brought home husbands, grandchildren and more recently great-grandchildren. This last December, 29 of us gathered in that small one-bathroom farm house – all very much aware of the significance of one more Christmas at the farm. The roots run deep and the memories run wide.

The relocation was in the works for a few months. That time was filled with plenty of planning, choosing and deciding. Recent weeks were especially rich in emotion – as years of memorabilia was sifted and sorted – and everyone faced the now near and new realities of a change of place.

We’re definitely not alone in facing change. Every single one of you is dealing with or has dealt with changes of one kind or another – jobs, relationships, living situations, and more. (more…)

REFLECTION: An aversion to stillness is a growing phenomenon in our plugged in world.

Case in point. I recently facilitated a day in a leadership development program. The session focused on Modeling The Way & Encouraging the Heart – two essential leadership practices. During the day we were in and out of group work and discussion.

People were pretty conscientious about turning off their cell phone ringers and setting the gadgets to vibrate. So the ‘audible call-out’ distractions were minimized. However, that didn’t stop people from repeatedly reaching for their phones in much the same way as infants reach for their pacifiers – to plug into something that fills the void.

As soon as group discussion wound down, or a break was announced, people grabbed their phones to check on the world outside. This essentially cut out those to their left and right who might want to engage in further interaction. After all, who wants to get between someone and their phone. However, it also robbed the individual of the opportunity to be still with their own thoughts – in the absence of input from the outside world. Who knows what kind of insights might have arisen given half a chance to see the light of day? (more…)

REFLECTION: Over the years, I’ve grown to enjoy the ‘one a day’ practice. I’m not talking about an apple a day keeping the doctor away, or a one-a-day vitamin to keep the body ticking along. I’m referring to what are often called Day Books.  They’re collections of short essays or readings – one for each day of the year. These reflections shine a light on ideas or offer new ways of thinking about or looking at things. The best of them spark new perspectives to carry through your day.

One of the first Day Books that I dipped into years ago was a gift from a fellow ‘balance-challenged’ friend – a volume by Anne Wilson Schaef titled Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much. I’ve enjoyed many different Day Book types and topics over the years.

This year, I’m dipping into The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo.  The author’s struggle with cancer and his study of the human spirit have brought a laser like focus to his thinking about life. He’s an insightful observer and a skilled writer.

The sign of a good reflection is when its impact lingers beyond 24 hours and past the next reading in the book. It’s three weeks now since I read Mark’s January 20th treatise, and I keep coming back to his idea. (more…)