attitude

REFLECTION & ACTION: As I waited for my medical-test results, my mind led me down some amazing trails-most of them predicting disastrous outcomes. Within minutes, it took me from ill, to seriously ill, to languishing on my deathbed, to planning my funeral.

On what were these stories based? Nada. Zip. Nothing. No information at all! In the absence of information, my mind seemed determined to manufacture its own.

An African tribe that teaches its children how to calm themselves in anxious situations offers a wonderful strategy to handle the pressure of the unknown. Little ones who start imagining the worst (man-eating tigers lurking at the edge of the path) spin their yarns based only on fear. They are told to watch for a pattern. Once they notice the pattern, they stop and label their flights of fancy as hurting stories-stories that don’t have to be written.

As adults, we spin scary yarns about negative outcomes based on nothing but fear. This project is doomed. The market will dry up. My business will fail. Our relationship is dust.

Pay close attention to the churning of your mind. When you find yourself getting bent out of shape, particularly when evidence is lacking, pause. See if you can identify the pattern and the hurting story. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Will you? Would you? Can you? Could you? On those short questions hang the hooks of overcommitment. Will you take on this project? Would you look after the kids for the weekend? Could you chair this committee?

The trap lies in believing there’s only a yes or no answer to each question.

Say “yes” and when you realize you don’t have time for the task or that it’s not a fit with your interests or priorities, you reward yourself with resentment. Say “no” and when you suffer second thoughts about the wisdom of your decision or its possible effect on your relationships or future, you reward yourself with guilt.

People often overlook the possibility of middle ground. (more…)

This dracaena spike and climbing little-leaf vine are a living example of taking your support where you can find it.

These two funghis – or should that be ‘fun guys’ – are clearly buddies. No moss growing under their feet! Heh, wait, yes there is.

No matter, they’re in absolutely no hurry to go anywhere – and seem to be content to take turns propping each other up.

REFLECTION & ACTION: As I listen to reports of life’s daily events, I witness indignation, wailing, and gnashing of teeth over supposed slights and imagined dastardly deeds. Yes, I even catch myself engaging in these flights of fancy from time to time.

Sometimes an illness is just an illness-not something caused by careless hygiene, dubious nutrition, or medical malpractice. Sometimes lost keys and bank cards are misplaced-not the work of a stealthy thief with sticky fingers. Sometimes an offhand remark is just plain thoughtless-not part of a diabolical plot to undermine our authority or self-esteem. Talk about blowing things out of proportion!

At the same time, much of the stress that leads someone to behave badly remains invisible to others. We aren’t always privy to each others’ burdens: an angry client, an ailing parent, a truant teen, a leaky roof, a dwindling bank account, a frightening medical report, an estranged friendship.

Let’s be more magnanimous with ourselves and each other. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: In the early years of my business, I worked many weekends and often delivered an all-day seminar followed by an evening presentation. As burnout loomed, I chose a policy of working just one weekend a month, speaking and training no more than three days a week, and presenting in only two out of three time slots on a given day (morning, afternoon, or evening).

My productivity and energy soared. Amazingly, so did my profits. Clearly, taking care of myself was also good for my business.

Community service is another area where overload shifts the experience from blessing to burden. How many community groups can you serve at a time and still feel enthused as you head out the door to another evening meeting?

If you’re frustrated en route, you’ll feel less than enthusiastic at the meeting itself. Rest assured, if you don’t want to be there and can’t wait to get away, you aren’t the ray of sunshine that will brighten the day for others. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Over the years, most of our family vacations have included an emotional meltdown by one member or another at some point during the trip. Our most “memorable” vacations have featured multiple meltdowns, triggered by lapses in communication or thwarted expectations.

One vacation meltdown occurred over something my traveling partner couldn’t control. Really, what are the chances he would consciously choose to have a killer cold coupled with zero enthusiasm on our only day on the beautiful Greek island of Mykonos?

Nevertheless, there I was-stuck in a snit-actively making a rough day worse. The speaker in me tried to talk it out. The writer in me grabbed my journal and scratched out my frustrations on paper. Neither approach tempered my bad humor.

It was only a change in my frame of reference that turned my mood around. (more…)

So…the next time I complain about how much work it is to maintain the backyard garden (and I’m sure there will be a next time) can you remind me of a few things?

Like how relaxing it is to eat a cold salad for lunch in the shade of the umbrella with the sound of the water bubbling over the fountain on the deck and the robins splashing in the pondside stream.

Like how beautiful the orange and blue pansies appear – faces to the noon day sun – just begging to be admired.

Like how tasty are the tiny Tumbler Tomato snacks – temptingly ripe for the picking as I make my way down the deck and out into the yard.

Help me remember, will you?

EDITOR’S NOTE: This year, during the months of July and August, your weekly Pause messages will feature the ‘Best Of Pause’ – readers’ favorite messages from the earliest years of the Pause e-zine. Featuring the Pause Gems will give me a bit of a breather to regroup, research, and develop some great new material. It will also introduce our more recent subscribers to some of those early gems.

Whether you are a long time subscriber, or new to our list, I sincerely hope you enjoy these messages. Have a wonderful summer. I’ll be back again in September with your regular Pause format featuring all new info and resources.

REFLECTION & ACTION: According to a Priority Management survey of 3,000 North Americans, Europeans, and folks from “Down Under,” only 5 percent report that they feel a sense of personal accomplishment at the end of each day.

Even though 80 percent of these respondents work more than 40 hours a week, 95 percent of the executives, administrators, and employees surveyed head out the door at day’s end feeling disappointed in themselves.

Are you one of those 95 percent? (more…)

Here are a few excerpts from reader replies to the recent Pause Blog Posting:  It’s All Good – Or Is It ? The message generated some strong feelings and thoughtful responses.

MS writes: ‘It’s all good’, I found that thought provoking. I do use that term but not at the times you describe. I find I use it when things in my life are busy but overall good. I find when things are stressful that the words I say to myself and others to get through is “this too shall pass”. This reminds me that although things are stressful now, they will get better and they will improve. I need this reminder to be patient, to try not to worry too much and to keep positive.

PJ writes:  I’m  glad you brought up this phrase “It’s all good”.  When people say this, they are either trying to present a brave front or they are just avoiding being real. For me, this phrase has become far too common, and has progressed to the category of irritant. It’s not even sincere, because, let’s face it:  it’s NOT all good. Life has its difficult moments. If people want to share the realities of their life with me, I would far rather hear them say something like,  “I’ve been going through a rough patch, but doing my best to handle things.”  –  rather than toss off some glib little catch phrase. It’s a bit of a pet peeve for me. And you are right in advising people to examine what’s really going on when they use this line as a constant mantra. (more…)

REFLECTION: I bumped into a friend the other day, asked her how she was, and watched her promptly burst into tears. She’d hit the wall, overwhelmed by a series of business growth challenges heaped on her plate. As she outlined each challenge in turn, she punctuated each description with the phrase, “But, it’s all good!” Working through the current stresses may well generate significant future returns. Still, I couldn’t help but note – and worry – that each restatement of the phrase, “It’s All Good”, was accompanied by an uber-pained look resembling someone passing a serious gall stone.

Just a few days later, I listened to another friend describe the serious health challenges being faced by several members of her family. She, too, punctuated the litany of tough situations with the phrase, “But, it’s all good.”

And, in an online update, yet a third friend, referenced a  business disappointment and ended her posting with the phrase, “But, it’s all good!”

They’re not alone, of course. I’ve said those words myself in the face of some very tough situations. Maybe you have, too.

Now, it could well be that all of these situations are minor glitches, temporary overloads, and short term challenges  – something to be endured and embraced in the service of growth or another valued purpose. And, it’s true that a positive, optimistic spirit is a helpful mindset to hold – and even occasionally our ONLY good choice.

Still, a part of me can’t help but wonder if sometimes  ‘It’s All Good!” isn’t more a statement of faith than a statement of fact. And, might continually repeating the mantra distance us from taking a closer look at the reality of our situation. (more…)