commitment

Reflection: As long time subscribers would have noticed, last week the Pause e-zine launched a fresh new look for spring. The feedback on the new format has been overwhelmingly positive; and I thank all of you who took the time to share your reactions.

The revamp has been a long time coming. It’s been a few years since I last surveyed readers. At that time, many of you urged me to take a flying leap (figuratively, of course) into the future. You recommended jazzing up the look of the e-zine saying,“Give us some color and a bit of a design to go with the excellent content.”

I got the message. And, I dawdled. Maybe this happens with projects in your life, too. You see a need. You set an intention and a direction. Then you dance around it for a very long time.

In the case of the e-zine, I collected examples and tinkered with designs. I flirted with the idea of asking for design help. I knew shifting to a more visual presentation was going to mean moving to a different list management service, which could mean changing providers. Complications! What seemed to be a small project loomed large. I danced elsewhere.

With the writing of each weekly message, that intention lurked over my shoulder, and I continued to note my lack of progress.

When I finally worked my way through the inertia to get the design and new service arranged – and launched it last week, I felt a tremendous sense of relief and accomplishment. More than that, as a writer, I harvested that burst of energy that comes with what amounts to a fresh pen and a brand new sheet of paper. It was a wonderful reminder of how crossing a finish line can be a powerful energizer. (more…)

Reflection: It’s in a backward glance that the patterns often show up. As I think about many things that have unfolded in my life, I can usually pinpoint one action, one decision, or one choice that launched me in that direction.

Saying yes to a summer job my first year of University introduced me to a line of work that ended up changing my college major in the near term, and my career direction over the long haul.

Agreeing to a coffee with a classmate at University led me to meet and later marry the love of my life.

Writing a letter to the editor of our daily newspaper led to an invitation to write a column, which in turn launched a weekly writing habit that led to publishing my first of five books.

Asking a friend what she knew about Masters’ programs led me to discover a brand new distance learning opportunity that was perfect for my work and life situation at the time.

First steps can point us in many directions. Some lead to an uphill climb and others to a downhill slide. Much of life’s progress or regress boils down to our moment by moment choices. (more…)

REFLECTION: Ever notice how common is the tendency to share the glory when things go right, but how rare the tendency to shoulder responsibility when things go wrong? This inclination makes me think of the refrain in a very old ‘Horse and Carriage’ tune that says: ‘You can’t have one without the other.”

Maybe you’ve had a few experiences like these over the years:

* A ‘complaining’ friend or colleague regularly rains doom and gloom and pours bad news into every conversation.

* A relationship grows  tangled – caught up in hasty communication, missed cues, and unfulfilled promises.

* An employee or colleague struggles to meet expectations and deliver on commitments.

It’s oh so easy to point fingers in any direction other than our own. It’s much tougher to contemplate that we somehow might have contributed to the outcome – for better or for worse.

ACTION: Relationships and results usually live somewhere between us – as a shared responsibility. When we see them this way, we are far more likely to look at situations through a ‘reverse lens’ and ask ourselves questions like these: (more…)

REFLECTION: What do you care most about in your workplace? And what are the chances it might be the same things that others care about?

This is a question endlessly researched by organizations everywhere as they do their best to keep their people happy.

Results from a survey released in October of this year by Mercer, one of the world’s leading HR consulting firms, tell a familiar story about what motivates Canadian and US workers and helps them feel more engaged at work.

Drum roll, please. In order of importance, employees are affected by:

1. Being treated with respect
2. Work-life balance
3. Type of work they do
4. Quality of people they work with
5. Quality of leadership in the organization

Although the results may not be surprising, what is surprising is that measures of what’s most important continues to remain similar even in the face of economic downturns and challenges.

ACTION: So what do these results suggest about the way we treat each other in our organizations? (more…)

REFLECTION: Over the years, I’ve developed a habit that helps me focus on what matters most. Each week, I sit down for ten minutes late Sunday or early Monday, and build my list of priorities in four areas: Work, Home&Family, Community, and Personal. This is not an exhaustive collection of calls, errands, and follow-ups. I leave those bits and pieces to an electronic calendar. It is a specific list of projects and major/minor tasks that I hope to focus on and advance over the next seven days.

Sometimes a landslide of unexpected issues come up and hijack what I’d planned. In those instances, the list from one week to another looks nearly identical. Other times, like this Monday, when I reviewed last week’s Priority List, I was amazed at how many things I’d accomplished. And, I was delighted by how good that felt.

In that instant, I was reminded in a very personal and experiential way of the powerful impact of progress.

On this point, two Harvard researchers have recently confirmed what we instinctively hold to be true. It feels good to move things forward.

In their research, Amabile and Kramer discovered that when people consistently take steps forward – even small steps – on meaningful projects, they are more creative, productive, and engaged. This, in turn, has a positive influence on their work performance.

A & K refer to this phenomenon as the progress loop. It’s a cycle that has self-reinforcing benefits. Make progress on tasks, and you feel better about yourself. Feel better about yourself, and you’re more likely to make positive progress on tasks. And so it goes.

ACTION: What does this mean for our lives at work and at home? (more…)

REFLECTION:  Root vegetable soup, bison medallions, creme brulee, and a large serving of ‘Laurent’ on the side! That was the menu for a recent dinner in Montreal at a small restaurant made larger than life by the presence of the one man show that was Laurent.

Our server/chef was a tall, wiry character with an easy smile and a strong desire to please partnered with a clear love of food. Laurent moved back and forth through the restaurant orchestrating the experience for several small groups of diners. A smile of welcome here! An ‘I’ve not forgotten about you’ nod and tap to his forehead there. A hand resting lightly on a diner’s shoulder as he rounded the corners between the tables.

His eyeglasses flew repeatedly from their fold in his pocket to the end of his nose as needed. Warmth and energy emanated from the open kitchen – with the odd flambe thrown in for effect. The presentation of each dish at the tables was accompanied by a grand flourish of the arms along with a delighted, childlike clapping of the hands. The message? ‘Voila! Magic has just been performed before your very eyes.’

The food was good but the experience was delightful! How engaging to be in the company of someone so solidly in their element and so clearly in the zone!

We dined the next evening at a high end restaurant in Vermont where the food was superb, and the service was stellar. However, we both agreed our dinner was missing one key element – the joi de vivre of Laurent!

ACTION:  This experience made me wonder what others notice when they see me in action at work and at home. You might ask yourself the same question. (more…)

REFLECTION: Sometimes a turn of phrase is all that’s required to accomplish a shift in experience. See if this change in phrasing makes a difference for you.

Most of us have a ‘To Do’ list of one kind of another. Many of us have multiple ‘To Do’ lists – for our various roles as parents, employees, bosses, and volunteers. September is often a season of new beginnings. We fire up projects that have languished over the summer. We register ourselves and others in fall activities, and generally ‘get back at it’ after our summer hiatus. Partner our own intentions with requests from others, and it doesn’t take long for those lists to mushroom into a full blown state of overwhelm.

At the point of seeming too muchness, it’s easy to forget why we wanted to do these things in the first place. Yet at some point we were actually looking forward to many of them. Tapping back into that initial desire and intention could change your everyday experience.

ACTION: Try this as an experiment. Turn your ‘To Do List’ into an ‘I’m Looking Forward To’ list. As you note down the activities at hand, think about how much might be looking forward to: sharing this experience, moving that task forward, making a contribution. Let that excitement and anticipation fuel your energy as you work your way through your day and your list.

Full credit goes to speaker friend and colleague, Sam Horn, for bringing this concept to my attention. I encourage you to read more from her about how you might turn this idea of reframing your ‘to do’ list into a short, medium and long term ‘ looking forward to’ list. See the link to Sam’s blog post in the resource of the week link below.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Begin each day as if it were on purpose.” – Author Unknown

RESOURCE OF THE WEEK: For Sam’s commentary on ‘To Do or To Look Forward To’, see her Serendestiny Blog.

READERS WRITE: In response to last week’s message on ‘Flourishing‘, Pause reader NM writes: This is great, Pat. Thank you! I would also note about the Relationships area, that (in addition to positive connections with others, what also matters is) a positive relationship with one’s self.

REFLECTION & ACTION: I have an irksome habit (and I have it in spades)-stuffing too much in! One more email. One more stop on the way. One more point in the presentation.

The motivation is good: squeeze maximum value out of each moment. However, the result is bad: time pressure and frustration, for me and for others.

Being more judicious about biting off more than we can comfortably chew is good for our health. Becoming more thoughtful and reasonable in all areas of life also brings positive changes to our mental health and our relationships.

A speaker colleague edits his presentations by keeping his audience and this question in mind: “What could they live without?” This question can be applied far and wide. Whether it’s our work, errands, or communications, we can ask ourselves, “What could we (or they) live without?”

With the enormous proliferation of email, think twice before sending a message into circulation. Will it add value? Will anyone read it? Will the other person’s world be better with this communication? Sometimes less is more. (more…)

REFLECTION & ACTION: Will you? Would you? Can you? Could you? On those short questions hang the hooks of overcommitment. Will you take on this project? Would you look after the kids for the weekend? Could you chair this committee?

The trap lies in believing there’s only a yes or no answer to each question.

Say “yes” and when you realize you don’t have time for the task or that it’s not a fit with your interests or priorities, you reward yourself with resentment. Say “no” and when you suffer second thoughts about the wisdom of your decision or its possible effect on your relationships or future, you reward yourself with guilt.

People often overlook the possibility of middle ground. (more…)

REFLECTION: It seems that part of living is learning to say good bye. I bid farewell last week to a former colleague and mentor, Harold Baker, with whom I had worked at the U of S years ago, and with whom I had kept in touch over the years. Harold, as testimonials at his memorial service confirmed, was a kind man, a gentleman, a selfless giver, a mentor, a teacher, and, above all, a community builder.

When I was in my early 20’s, and Harold was already a couple of decades further down this road of life, he and I were teamed up as staff partners at a youth development event. While our assigned group of thirty teenagers chatted and milled around us, we settled into the front seats of our charter bus for a short road trip to an out-of-town venue. As the bus reached the highway and headed for the open road, Harold turned to me and inquired, “So, tell me, young lady, exactly what do you intend to do with your life?”

Now, I’d heard a variation or two on that question before. From the time we can talk, as children, we are quizzed by the adults in our lives. “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?” But this was not that kind of question. There was no condescension, no playfully poking fun, no making light conversation.

It was a simple, sincere, inquiry that carried a raft of implied messages – these amongst them. That even at this young age and early stage in my career, he saw me as capable of serious intentions and grand ambitions. That it was not too early – nor too late –  to lift up my eyes and set my sails. That my plans might include a contribution or two to the lives of others and not just focus on my own self interests.

For me, it was a game-changing question. (more…)