attitude

Reflection: If you happened to view any of the three short videos I shared while the regular Pause ezine was on hiatus, you would have caught one or more messages about the value of stepping back to step ahead. Just in case you missed it or them, today I’m sharing a ‘summing up’ and a link to the complete article.

I have come to understand that nonstop action is a dead end strategy for success. When we nix time-outs, we just hit the wall – not the mark. Sometimes we really do have to step back to step ahead. Making the most of our days involves building strategic pauses into everyday experiences.

When we step back, stand down and chill out, we tap more readily into renewal, appreciation and perspective.

Action: Here are nine (3 x 3) pause practices that will help you generate more energy, enthusiasm and insight. (more…)

 Reflection: I don’t know about you, but I like to start my day with a hot cup of coffee. Well, truth be known, I like to sip coffee all day long. Decaf – for the most part – so I’m not jangling from a high wire by high noon.

This morning I set the coffee to drip as usual, and went about getting my day started elsewhere in the house. Hearing the beep that signaled the coffee was ready, I returned to the kitchen to pour my first cuppa java. What I discovered was an empty pot and a kitchen counter covered from one end to the other in a slick of steaming brown liquid. Apparently the flow-through flap on the pot lid jammed, and the coffee had nowhere to go but over the top.

Cleaning up a swill-spill was not how I’d planned to start my day – especially before my first cup of coffee. I muttered a few choice words as I mopped up the mess.

I also recognized the situation as one of life’s moments of choice. I could feed my frustration, let the annoyance overflow, seeping into the rest of the day like the coffee itself; or I could take things in stride and let it go.

Action: At the root of our frustrations about life’s unexpected challenges lies a quirky little belief that we’re somehow entitled to a world that runs smoothly all day every day. In fact, speed bumps, detours and breakdowns are a normal part of life. The real challenge is to keep it all in perspective.

Here are five ways to let it go and sidestep a frustration hangover that can set a downer tone for the rest of the day. (I used all of these this morning!) (more…)

With the new year peaking around the corner, it’s so easy to suffer whiplash – as we intently scan the past year and eagerly anticipate the next. But, as the infamous Yogi Berra once observed, “It ain’t over till it’s over.”

And so, my invitation to you for the remainder of 2013 is to be as present as you can possibly be to the people and experiences that cross your path in the closing days of the year.

Presence is an awesome gift, one that’s far more valuable than any presents that may come our way in this the season of giving. When we find ways to be present we’re much more likely to appreciate the delights of each moment as life unfolds around us.

I hope you enjoy reading a few of my favorite quotes about presence. (more…)

Reflection: It’s just another day in the flow of a busy life, but in the midst of it all ….

• I pull the morning newspaper from the mailbox and take a deep draw on the crisp November air.
• I sip my coffee as the sun paints the sky – first gold, then pink, then blue.
• I laugh at a story a colleague shares, and thank my lucky stars for his awesome sense of humor.
• I wait at the supermarket checkout tickled by a cart-bound toddler sharing a lively game of peek-a-boo with the next shopper down line.
• I play a board game with my grandson and marvel at the fierce concentration that plays across his handsome little face.
• I stand in the midst of a funeral gathering and watch the eyes of one old friend light up at the approach of another.

Life flourishes in these simple moments of presence. The cares and preoccupations of the everyday world fade into the background, shifting from front and center to the sidelines.

Action: What’s the nature of your experience these days? One giant blur or crisp sharp moments of presence?

These experiences are present every single day, but are we? The moments are all we really have. Don’t let them pass you by – unnoticed, unmarked, unappreciated.

Set an intention to be as present as possible as often as possible. Pause.

Quote Of The Week: Our true home is in the present moment. To be in the present moment is a miracle. – Thich Nhat Hanh

Resource Of The Week: Here’s an interesting article from Greg McKeown: Reduce Your Stress In Two Minutes A Day

Readers Write: In response to last week’s message, Go Ahead…Make Your Day, Pause reader MW writes: Your question as to how did I start my day was most timely to read. I usually start my morning swimming laps at 7 a.m. That is a great way for me to start my day even when it is -28 C outside. Last night, as I was setting my alarm clock, I debated about going swimming today. To do so I would have to be at the pool shortly after 6 a.m. to meet my other commitments for the morning.

But, I decided to go swimming early and am so glad I did. I do my most creative thinking as I am swimming laps and I had a brainwave for a creative project I am working on. Plus the swimming always revitalizes me and gives me the energy to get through the busy and stressful times.

Autumn Elms

Reflection: Perspective is a wonderful thing. One of the gifts of growing older is that you’ve seen a few things, experienced a few things and, hopefully, learned a few things along the way.

And, so it was with interest, that I watched the answers roll in to a question posted by a friend on Facebook. She was marking her 50^th birthday with a bit of reflection. Looking back she pondered what kind of advice she might have given to her 20 year old self and invited her FB friends to share their suggestions

There was no shortage of responses to this ‘If I’d known then what I know now kind of question’. Here are some of the suggestions:  Stay present. Stay fearless forever. Stop and think before you act. Have fun. Take more risks but don’t be impulsive. Don’t worry about others opinions of you -your opinion of yourself is the most important. Never settle for anything less than you deserve. You’re not gonna believe how great it’s gonna be. Buy nicer underwear!

Although there were a handful of possibilities that came to mind for me, in the end I settled on: ‘All will be well!’

‘All will be well’ reflects these life lessons I’ve learned along the way: (more…)

Reflection: One of the many pleasures of this summer, was a night spent camping out in a tent in the backyard with six year old grandson, Ethan.

This is the second year we’ve done this. Last summer Ethan wondered why we couldn’t bring the TV or the ipad out to the tent. This year, that idea didn’t even come up.

Still he wanted to know what we’d do – besides eating a giant bag of cheese puffs, which apparently has already become a tradition.

I suggested we’d mess around with the flashlights, read some books, play a few games, make up some stories and well, just talk. We did all those things and more.

One of the sweetest moments of the adventure – and there were many – was when Ethan turned to me late in the evening and declared, “You know, this talking is a lot more fun than I thought it would be.” And, indeed, it was! (more…)

Reflection & Action:  Rituals are powerful things. Hello/goodbye, good morning/good night kisses are an everyday occurrence in my marriage. Leave takings with our daughters – by phone or in person – are punctuated from both sides with the phrase, ‘Love ya’. Our dinner grace includes a ‘Today I am thankful for…’ comment from each person around the table

Like brushing your teeth in the morning, these actions and phrases have become second nature. That doesn’t make them meaningless. Each exchange expresses deeply held values of love and appreciation.

One of the keys for bringing our values to life is turning them into rituals. If you value your health, turning a lunchtime walk into an automatic ritual breathes life into that value. If you value family, the ritual of a weekly phone call with a parent or sister keeps the connection alive. If you value the beauty of nature, the ritual of placing fresh cut flowers on your desk at work or your table at home keeps nature in the center of your everyday life. You get the picture. (more…)

Reflection & Action: The motto of the University of Calgary (where I studied for my Masters degree in Continuing Education) reads  “MO SHUILE TOGAM SUAS”. It’s a Gaelic phrase taken from one of the psalms. Translated, it means: “I will lift up my eyes.” What an inspired call to action!

Participants in the seminars that I lead tell me their overloaded days are often spent heads down – not eyes up. With noses to the grindstone, preoccupied with tasks and details, they wade their way through each day’s responsibilities, fretting about the details.

If that’s true for you, try shifting that practice just a smidge. As you move through your day, take a moment here and there to lift up your eyes. Step out of the car – lift up your eyes. Step out of a meeting – life up your eyes. Tune in to the bigger picture and the reason you are about to pursue the tasks at hand. There is always a broader, higher, deeper purpose. (more…)

Reflection & Action:  Many of my mornings begin with a walk along the beautiful South Saskatchewan River valley, just two blocks from home. My route winds past a giant boulder on the bank. It’s the perfect perch for a moment’s rest and meditation.

I recently headed out on my morning stroll, anticipating a peaceful journey. As I turned the corner, headed to the river, I discovered that some aspiring street artist had decided our fence was the perfect canvas. We’d been tagged and I was furious! Now I needed that walk more than ever.

I arrived at the river – still smoldering over the graffiti – only to make a second discovery. ‘My’ rock had also been hit by a crew of performance artists. Broken beer bottles were their media of choice. So much for the peace of the morning. Now I was really ticked off! The nerve! The disrespect!

Only after two days of intermittent fuming did it occur to me that I could choose another response. I didn’t have to remain a victim – stuck in blame and fury. I could do something to move things forward. I grabbed the sandpaper, dustpan and broom. In less than an hour I’d cleaned up both messes and made something right in the world.  My two days of needless smoldering had wasted far more than one hour’s energy.

We always have options in every arena of our lives. We can serve up Misery Stew, wallowing in anger, frustration and despair over the careless actions of others; or we can channel that energy into creative solutions and get on with our lives. The choice is yours and mine.

Quotes Of The Week: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” – Malachy McCourt

“The guy’s behaving like a jerk. How much power are you going to give him over your life?”  – Tristan Katz

“Life is a lot simpler than we make it.” – Cheryl Dougan

Pause Readers Write: Pause Reader Kathleen FD writes: My family experienced a major change with the sudden death of my younger brother. This led to a great deal of soul searching about what family means to me and how I could use this tragedy towards a positive experience. What I needed for myself and my family was more time outside of work. I approached my supervisor with a written proposal to take a cut in pay for a day off every week. This was a major request for an industry that does not embrace many of today’s ‘balancing work & family’ initiatives.

With the support of a very forward thinking supervisor, fellow staff and the owners, I have been living this arrangement for the past three years. I don’t even think of the money anymore. It has been replaced with time spent in my daughter’s grade one class, getting back to my sewing machine, and, yes, even stealing a few moments just to relax and read! Sometimes we just have to ask and be prepared to act.

Reflection & Action:  When I bought myself a bunch of flowers recently, the florist asked if I wanted a gift card to go with them. I declined, saying they were just for me.

“All the more reason to add a card, ” she declared. “I always write myself a card when I buy myself flowers.”

When I asked what she wrote, she replied, “Well, it depends on the day. Sometimes it’s … Thanks for being you. Other times it’s … Wow! You’re smart and gorgeous, too!”

We shared a chuckle. I left with the flowers AND a card in hand.

It was a simple reminder of an important lesson. The florist is someone who knows how to fill her own wellspring of appreciation. With her own spirits freshly topped up, she’s in a much better position to share her good will with others.

Do you take yourself for granted way too often? (more…)