stress

Reflection: ‘Go Big Or Go Home’ is one of the most harmful pieces of advice floating around the ether sphere.

It implies that the ONLY way to live your life is to bet it all on a roll of the dice – to bungee jump off the highest cliff – to risk and risk and risk again!

It also implies that if you don’t live with this maxim as your guide, you should hang your head, stick your tail between your legs, and cower shame-facedly in hiding at home.

Bushwa!

Yes, there may well be times to go big. Challenges stretch us and build our confidence. We start to see ourselves as the kind of person who attempts ‘that’ – whatever ‘that’ may be for us.

Still, there is every bit as much value in the world of small. (more…)

Reflection: A recent conversation amongst friends led to an exchange of stories about odd behaviours. Of course, those would be odd behaviours exhibited by others, because nothing we ever do is odd at all!

The most unusual contribution to the conversation was the story of a condo neighbor who grows a bit more confused each day and exhibits some of the early signs of dementia. She has taken to propping her front door open, and positioning herself in a chair where she can see all the foot traffic in the hall.

As people come and go throughout the day, she waves and greets them like long lost friends each time they pass by. Most of us agreed that would be an annoying neighborly behavior to have to deal with every day.

However, the friend who shared the story – who lives down the hall from the woman with the open door policy – simply smiled and remarked, “Kindness costs us nothing.” (more…)

Reflection: The last two weeks have delivered quite an eventful ride here at the OK Corral.

Health issues landed me in the ER for eight hours and hospital for a couple of days. I’ve been tested, scanned and scoped with no specific diagnosis other than the possibility of a virus. However, I am feeling better and back to functioning once more.

My 91-year-old father moved from their home (where Mom with nursing support had been looking after him) into palliative care. He passed away after a week of further decline concluding with three days of around the clock bedside support from members of our family. A celebration of his life, funeral service, and burial were held last Thursday.

My husband, Dave, is retiring from his work with the Government of Saskatchewan on the very day this message is published. Over Easter weekend, we marked the occasion with a family dinner and a Friends And Family coffee party – both planned by our two daughters. Dave is looking forward to the freedom of his future days; and I am happy for him.

However, since my business office is also at home and I’m accustomed to having the space all to myself, I’m just a tad apprehensive about being together all day long. (more…)

Is there someone in your world who is uninspired, apathetic, disinterested? Seems dissatisfied and less than engaged? Shows signs of rusting out, coasting on autopilot or being stuck in the swamp?

Maybe you feel concerned, and you’re not sure how to help. Rest assured, there are things you can do.

The first thing to know – and share – is that malaise is a common and often recurring life experience. At first, each new venture seems fresh and exciting. Eventually it becomes old and familiar.

Understanding that this ‘loss of luster’ is a normal part of the ebb and flow of life reassures those who find themselves mired in the mud.

In a recent survey, 95% of respondents reported they had experienced malaise in their lives. 57% in their forties. 53% in their fifties. 39% in their thirties. And even 20% in their twenties.

Many people experience a dip in satisfaction part way through their lives as they come to terms with unmet expectations. Although life may be ‘good’, it may not feel ‘great’. Some feel discouraged by a loss of passion. They’ve run out of dreams and goals; or they’ve become creatures of habit and stopped learning new things. Others question whether they are really creating the kind of legacy they had hoped to leave along the way.

Sometimes all that’s needed is a sense of possibility. – Rachel Remen

Beyond normalizing the experience, here are other actions you can take to support people as they set about rekindle their enthusiasm for life.

• Reach out to connect and open a conversation. Let them know what you’re noticing. Ask what they think and how they feel about their situation.
• Listen in a deep respectful way. Sometimes what others need most is an opportunity to give voice to what’s going on inside. They may not need or want someone else to step in and try to ‘fix’ the situation. They simply need to hear themselves say out loud the ideas that may be rolling around in their minds or drifting through their subconscious.
• Offer encouragement. Perhaps there is a first step they are already considering, and they could use a cheerleader at the starting line. Letting others know you care about their situation and will be there as they move forward is one way to lift their spirits.
• Share other perspectives and fresh ideas. Maybe you have wrestled with malaise and moved through it in your own life, but not yet shared that story. This could be the time. Or, you may know of friends and colleagues who have publicly shared their journeys. Some of those experiences might have relevance to the person you are supporting.
• Extend an invitation to try something new. Novel experiences can help people jump their ruts and set off in a more promising direction. Sometimes being exposed to new possibilities is all it takes to develop a fresh and invigorating point of view.
• Express appreciation for who the person is and what they do. When suffering from malaise, people can easily tilt to the dark side and color everything in their lives as negative and problematic. Most periods of stuck-ness are temporary. And ‘all or nothing’ thinking and an exaggerated sense of catastrophe add unnecessary weight to the situation.
• Deliver honest feedback and straight talk. If you know the person well, you may be in a position to kindly question some of their assumptions in ways that will help them get a clearer grip on problems and possibilities.
• Model engagement and renewal in your own life. In all things, we give greater credence to ‘what people do’ over ‘what people say’. Pay close attention to your own well-being. Stay as engaged as possible in your own life roles. When you model a pro-active approach to re-invention and re-direction it gives others hope and courage to step out in new directions of their own.

And finally… a cautionary note. Stay alert to the difference between malaise (a temporary fog that comes and goes) and depression (a dark and heavy cloud that feels like it will stay forever). Although your support will always to be important to someone who suffers from depression, that more serious situation calls for professional expertise. Help them access that sooner rather than later.

© Patricia Katz, MCE CHRP HoF, is a Canadian speaker and author who works with organizational leaders to ease the load and fuel the spirit. This best selling author of 6 books shares her wisdom regularly with thousands of readers of her e-zine, Pause. Sign up for Pause, and learn more about easing your load here on this site. Contact Pat for programs and publications at info@patkatz.com or 306-934-1807.

Reflection: What do you think? Is a crazy busy life with no time to spare the new status symbol in North America?

Sadly enough, that just may be the case! Several recent pieces of research found that we now admire and hold in higher esteem those who present themselves as overloaded and run off their feet.

In one experiment, participants read letters from a fictional friend. In Letter A he complained about being crazy busy with no time to relax and watch TV. In Letter B he described himself as relaxed, spending time watching sports on TV. Readers ranked the busy friend twice as high on a scale of wealth and social status as they ranked the more leisurely friend. (more…)

Reflection: Focus in the face of distraction! That was how a group I recently worked with described one of their most frustrating challenges.

They’re not alone in this. We live in an age of distraction. One research survey found the average time between interruptions in the modern workplace to be three minutes.

Not all of our distractions are created by others. The same survey noted that 44% of interruptions were self imposed. Sometimes we’re our own worst enemies. We allow our grasshopper minds and our desire for novelty to lead us from here … to there … and there … and there, too!

Action: So, how do you make more focused progress in the face of distractions? (more…)

St John’s Jelly Bean House #8 Wood Street

Reflection:  Things going right or things going wrong? To what do you pay more attention as you make your way through your day?

Are you on high alert for slights, missteps, and errors of omission or commission?

Are you quick to criticize, and eager to pounce on any infraction against the way things ought to be – in the world according to your Inner Judge?

Or are you tuned to signs that things just might be going well, open to receiving life’s everyday gifts, and prepared to be pleasantly surprised?

Are you quick to appreciate, and keen to focus attention on life’s joyful developments?

And beyond assigning labels of ‘bad or good’ to the experiences of the day, how open are you to the possibility that something first thought ‘wrong’ might just end up being ‘right’? (more…)

Reflection: There’s a lot of uncertainty in the world these days. More than usual? It’s tough to say.

Some would argue that certainty is just an illusion anyway – that uncertainty is our normal state.

Still, I’m pretty certain that I’m writing this, you’re reading this, and the sun will rise tomorrow. Not everything, though, is quite so clear.

There are those whose health has taken a turn for the worse. They’re waiting for tests, a diagnosis, treatment, or recovery.

There are those whose relationships are in trouble, with teenagers challenging boundaries or partners growing apart.

There is uncertainty at work. More than one sector has taken a recent turn for the worse. Layoffs are common and restructuring is afoot.

World events (including the recent US election) have created turmoil and upset for many.

So, when the future is uncertain, other than stew, what can you do?

Action: Here are seven strategies to help you cope with the challenge of not knowing. (more…)

My Thoughts:

 I wrote this message on November 14 in honor of ‘Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day’. (Thanks to my perennially good humored friend, Michael Kerr, for bringing these special days to our attention.)

A number of recent events (your list here…) might have prompted you to do just the opposite – to tighten up, flip out, or tilt to the dark side.

What if we could find a few ways to loosen our grip and lighten our mood? Well, here’s a handful of starter actions to lead you down that road: (more…)

Reflection: If you’re familiar with the long-running television series, Seinfeld, you may remember Kramer as one of the wackiest characters on the show.

Both physically and socially awkward, Kramer specialized in dramatic entrances. Charging into the room at high speed and skidding full-tilt to a dead stop, Kramer often declared, “Jerry, it’s a hair straight back day!”

And then, in his frantic way, Kramer would blurt out his dilemma of the day.

Maybe you are ‘blessed’ with a Kramer or two in your world – at work, at home or in your circle of friends.

That’s someone who is always in a hurry, often in a panic, and constantly tied up in knots over frequently inconsequential things.

Like Jerry, who stayed calm in the face of Kramer’s commotion, we too can stay cool, and maybe even help talk our frantic friends down from the ledge.

Consider your ability to stay calm a public service to others and a gift to yourself.

Action: When the ‘Kramers’ of your world invade and spew in every direction, don’t let yourself be blown over or swept away by the commotion. (more…)