appreciation

Reflection: When something good happens to you, are you delighted? Or, do you find yourself anxious – certain that just around the corner looms a steep drop from a cliff or a painful kick in the shins?

Texas researcher, Brene Brown, in her studies on emotional health and vulnerability, reports that far too few of us allow ourselves to fully experience joy, love and good news. As a result, we lose out on the opportunity to fill our reservoirs for any tough times that may eventually make an appearance.

She sees people steeling themselves against possible future vulnerability in these ways:

• Experiencing things joyful as a foreboding harbinger of disaster ahead.
• Embracing disappointment as a lifestyle, maintaining a low-grade disconnection from life.
• Not letting ourselves get excited or passionate about some thing or some one, so we won’t be let down if things don’t pan out.
• Numbing emotion through extremes of eating, drinking, spending, working, and perfectionism. (All of which can be attempts to quell a sense of not being ‘enough’ – or in our fame obsessed culture, not being ‘extraordinary enough’.)

Action: What’s the alternative to cowering behind a highly polished, mega shield, firewall of synthetic invulnerability? (more…)

Auberge De La Fontaine Balcony

Reflection: What are YOU waiting for? Something exciting? Something unnerving? Something uncertain?

In the days leading up to Christmas my five year old grandson was beside himself with anticipation, “I can’t wait to see what Santa brings me!” But, of course, he could and he did, because there was nothing to do but wait – no way to hurry the day.

My daughter is nearing the end of her pregnancy. As her due date draws near, she waits. And we wait, too. Babies take their own sweet time.

In an effort to balance the budget, a major local institution announced that jobs will be lost. Forty in January and more in April. And so, hundreds of people wait to find out whether any pink slips bear their names. They’re not in control of the timing or the decisions, and short of jumping ship in advance, there’s no way to hurry a resolution.

The challenge in the midst of the waiting game is one of staying calm. Of course, good things (like babies and gifts) are easier to await. Other things – not so much. In fact, big issues like potential job losses or major health challenges are serious indeed.

However, when the challenges aren’t that gargantuan or obvious, drumming your fingertips and scanning the skies for a sign can still be unsettling. WAIT (Why Am I Tense?) is a good question to ask. Your answers may suggest some ways to cope. What often stresses us out are the potential bad news stories we tell ourselves about things to come. Getting a handle on those is a first step. (more…)

Ethan's 'Bird & Toast'

Reflection: We’re now a full week into 2013. Chances are good that you’ve already goofed up on something; or if not yet, soon will. That’s not a prediction of doom, but simply a statement of probability.

We all mess up. It’s a given. We stumble over a new year’s resolution. We miss an appointment or renege on a promise. The question is: what do we do when we err?

While painting together over the holidays, my 5 year old grandson, Ethan, treated me to a live life-lesson on handling ‘mistakes’. You’ll find his masterpiece posted with this message. Take a peak now. It will help make sense of the story.

Here’s what happened. Ethan set out to paint a small glass perfume bottle that sparkled on the window ledge in the studio. It did not go well.

He sat back and evaluated, noting that his image did not look at all like the bottle. However, he could see the possibility of a bird, so he added feathers and legs to make it so.

Once there was a bird in the picture, he added a tree trunk and branches, green leaves, red berries, a nest and eggs. Contemplating his pic so far, he remembered that squirrels like trees. So he set about adding a squirrel to the picture. It did not go well.

Once again, he sat back and took stock. What to do with a shapeless brown splotch? Inspiration arose. He would turn it into a slice of toast, as he knew from experience that birds like crumbs. He was sure it would all work out. And so it did!

I was amazed at his flexibility of mind and his ability to adapt to changing circumstances. (more…)

Frosty The Snowman - Compliments of 5 Year Old Grandson, Ethan

For the last few years, I’ve devoted the final Pause message of December to focusing on one key idea.  Peace, joy, love, hope, kindness, and grace have all taken their turns in the spotlight.

As 2012 winds to an end, I find myself grateful for so many of the people and events of my life. And, so, gratitude steps forward to take its turn center stage.

The work of positive psychologists, like Martin Seligman, stresses the impact of gratitude on our sense of well-being. Even in the toughest of times, if you can find small blessings for which to be grateful, you can reset your emotional thermostat for comfort. That means less sweating it out in the heat of the moment and less shivering when life turns a cold shoulder in your direction.

I hope you enjoy reflecting on a few of my favorite quotes on gratitude. May you and yours find many reasons to be grateful at this time, and more throughout the year that lies ahead.

Thanks for staying tuned to the Pause message, and for sharing these ideas with family, friends and colleagues. Catch you on the flip side of the new year!

Appreciatively Yours, Pat

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings. – William Arthur Ward

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed. – Maya Angelou

What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner. – Colette (more…)

Plaza de la Fuente - Sedona, AZ

Reflection: What’s wrong with being right? Not much at all. What’s wrong with NEEDING to be right? Sometimes nothing, and sometimes plenty.

I’ve seen workplace and family disagreements burst into flame when people assert their rightness – in fact or opinion – and go on to declare that, since they are right, others must clearly be wrong. The assertions and counter attacks fuel an inferno of conflict. Net result: more stress and a tragic waste of energy!

One of the things I’ve learned from life is that situations are not always that clear cut. Fact lives just around the corner from fiction. There is ALWAYS another point of view – or two or three! Many viewpoints are just as valid, and may even be more accurate or insightful than what I might have seen from where I stand.

This lesson was reinforced on my first tour with a group of painters. Each time our group of 15 artists settled down to sketch a landscape or streetscape, we all set up in roughly the same area, with pretty much the same materials, looking at approximately the same view.

And yet, two hours later, what turned up on paper was amazingly diverse. The paintings reflected our interest in different parts of the scene, our varied levels of experience, and our assorted preferences in style. Despite painting ‘elbow to elbow’, the sketches diverged with our ability to ‘see’, to capture, and to interpret.

Fifteen different sets of eyes and hands led to fifteen different points of view. Who was right? Everybody. Who was wrong? Nobody. (more…)

Stuck? We've all been there sometime!

Reflection: One thing for sure about the many roads of life is that no matter where you are in your travels, someone has been down that path already and someone else is just taking a first step along the way. On any given journey, we may find ourselves the experienced travel pro or the novice at the starting gate.

Whether it’s struggling with a new leadership role in the workplace, trying to figure out how best to parent a headstrong teenager, or coping with a time of life when everybody needs you – or when no one seems to need you – someone, somewhere has already worked their way through that puzzle and out the other side.

I was thinking about this the last time I took a painting workshop from my first mentor in the world of art, Cecelia Jurgens. Cecelia is a very accomplished artist and an equally encouraging instructor. Along with the samples of her current work (always inspiring), she occasionally brings along a few of her earliest sketchbooks (equally inspiring).

I’m sure Cecelia would agree that, compared to where she is now in her career, the work in those early sketchbooks isn’t quite as accomplished. And, THAT is exactly what gives those who are just starting out along the path hope that their skills, too, will grow and develop. (more…)

Reflection: A recent movie featuring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman popularized the idea of the Bucket List – a set of experiences you hope/plan/long to have before you die (AKA ‘kicking the bucket’). Bucket Lists tend to feature splashy adventures and stretch experiences – the things that dreams are made of!

I actually find another bucket metaphor equally intriguing.  It’s an idea put forward by authors Rath and Clifton who suggest that each of us owns an invisible bucket and an invisible dipper. As we move through our lives, we are constantly filling or draining each other’s buckets of positive emotion – based on what we do and say.

We can top up another’s bucket with a positive comment or drain their bucket with a thoughtless action. Our interactions with others are rarely neutral – and those actions reflectively enhance or diminish our own levels in the process. As in, filling another’s bucket tops up our own bucket, too. And vice versa.

A full bucket generates positive outlooks and plenty of energy. An empty bucket spawns sour outlooks and gorbs of apathy.

Action: I like the image and I appreciate the idea. However, I suggest we take it one step further. (more…)

Bourbon St Restaurant In Bend, Oregon

Reflection:  It’s the final day of a one-week painting class in beautiful sunny Bend, Oregon. The town is an artist’s delight – interesting boutiques, sidewalk cafes, flowers tumbling from every lamppost. The instructor is equally delightful – skilled, available and encouraging. The only downside (and it’s a minor one, at that) is that the class is delivered entirely indoors – no plein air painting at all.

And so, on the final day of class, I promise myself a treat – painting over lunch outdoors. I’d scouted out the ideal spot from which to sketch: a sidewalk café with a tasty menu, kitty corner from a great little vignette. My target: a quaint little shop with odd bits and pieces tumbling out onto the sidewalk, framed by flower pots, lamp post and cast iron benches.

I arrive early enough to snag the perfect outdoor table. I place my order for lunch, and pull my art supplies from my bag. At the very moment I grab my pen, flip open my sketchbook and look up to begin, a massive brown UPS delivery truck pulls into the loading zone directly between me and the target of my artistic pursuit.

While initially annoyed, I reckon it’s a five-minute loading zone and he is a man on a mission, so not to worry. I enjoy a sip of my wine, soak up a few rays, and start on my lunch. However, my patient equanimity doesn’t last for long. (more…)

Reflection:  It’s October, and the geese are marshaling along the river. In the pre-dawn of my morning walk, I hear them long before I see them. Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! You’d swear you were approaching a major traffic jam on a morning commute in a congested city anywhere in the world.

Until, that is, the birds take to the air. At the break of dawn, one by one the gaggles of geese leave the river heading for greener pastures and points south.  As they lift from the water, wave after wave of syncopated wing beats sound just like a powerful ovation at the end of a fabulous performance.

It was one of the passing regulars along my walking route who brought it to my attention. In the midst of an especially long ovation, she greeted me with a cheery smile and this comment, “Nice of the geese to applaud our exercise program, don’t you think?”

This made me smile and wonder how often we take our own accomplishments for granted, and whether we might be missing other opportunities for small celebrations of things that are going right in our world.

You may find, that some days it’s tougher than others to keep on keeping on: to get out of bed in the morning, to tie on a pair of shoes and get some exercise, to tend to the relationships in your life, to deal with yet another set of challenges at work or at home. And yet most of us do what we need to do – day after day after day – often taking our own contributions for granted.

About a year ago, I started intentionally collecting and creating ideas for how we might do a stronger, more consistent job of celebrating some of our own success. And today, I’m delighted to announce (cue the geese) the launch of a brand new booklet called, Take A Bow – 67 Ways To Pause For Applause, Celebrate Your Success, And Keep Your Spirits High. You can read more about it in the Resource Of The Week section below. (more…)

Reflection: Have you ever found yourself hoping against all hope, that a great big honking chunk of open time would drop into your lap?

Well the chance of a bonus hour, day or week presenting itself is slim. And so I continue to be intrigued, when people tell me that their lives could be so much better and happier IF they just had more time – time to exercise, time to eat right, time to take a vacation, time to visit with friends, time to get the jump on a project at work or at home.

I’m starting to believe, that it’s more about the choice than it is about the time. You know we’ve all got the same 24 hours. Nothing new there.

Still, every minute of our day we make choices that are either expeditious or auspicious. Expeditious: dispatched with speed and efficiency. Auspicious: conducive to future success. Expeditious and auspicious aren’t always in conflict, but neither do they always lead to the same outcome. In both cases, consequences follow.

You’re late. So you toss your partner a harried ‘See you later’ over your shoulder instead of pausing to exchange a warm embrace and loving kiss. Time diff: 30 seconds.

You’re hungry. You grab a bag of potato chips and flip the lid off the high cal dip, instead of making the extra effort to dig further into the fridge for that bag of ready-to-eat carrots. Time diff: 1 minute (more…)