Wellness

My Thoughts: Well, truth be told, there is no Fred. It just rhymes so well, I couldn’t resist!

However, there was indeed a date with TED. On October 24^th here in Saskatoon, I delivered a TEDX talk titled: Lighting A Spark – Navigating Mid Life Malaise.

My gift to you today, is the link to that message. A click of either the image or the title will take you to the video.

What’s it about? Causes of malaise, common responses, a three-step process to help you navigate your way through life’s transitional fog, and examples of others who are making their way to what comes next.

Grab a coffee. Take a look and give a listen.

Your Thoughts: I hope the ideas in the video help you think more deeply about rekindling your own spark when your fire grows dim.

I welcome your comments, reactions and insights. Fire away!

News Notes: Since delivering this 17-minute TEDX talk, I’ve expanded the message into a 60-90 minute keynote. With more time, I’m able to explore how this issue plays out in organizations, how we can support others as they attempt to rekindle their sparks, and to share more real life examples of ways that people restore excitement and engagement to their lives. (more…)

My Thoughts: I’m all for optimism and uplifting thoughts, but sometimes they don’t come easy, and sometimes simply choosing happy may not serve us well in the long run.

As we’ve seen with the recent terrorist attacks in Paris and so many other places in the world, frightening and unexpected events drop into people’s lives with no warning and dire consequences.

Those experiences fuel reactions and feelings that aren’t easily sidelined by substituting light and uplifting thoughts. Nor should we expect that to be the case.

A wise friend recently reminded me that sometimes we need to pause in the shadows to touch a fear that is all too real and oh so present. It matters that we take the time to be with those tougher emotions and not just speed through them or try to avoid them on our way to a lighter, brighter place.

A deeper understanding of what matters most to us springs from being present to both the dark and the light. (more…)

My Thoughts:

Peer pressure can be a formidable force through childhood and the teen years. And, it continues to be a presence as we move into our careers and through our adult lives.

As colleagues deliver webinars, package on-line learning, crank out manifestos and e-books, and travel hundreds of thousands of miles a year … I find myself pressed to join in the frenzy.

Then I remember to listen to the voice of my own longings, and realize that I don’t really want to do all those things. I remind myself that I can pick and choose the ones that fit, and let the rest flow by. Not every task is mine to do.

Your Thoughts:

Are there things you find yourself grasping for that you know at your core you don’t really want?  Could you make a different choice? (more…)

Reflection: One of the most frequently referenced sources of advice about how to live your life is Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. ‘Start with the end in mind’ is one of those habits.

It’s a laser-beamed and focused approach that’s not without its challenges. Most notably you have to come up with the ‘end’ – the big idea or the grand life purpose – depending on the scale you’re working on. And, you risk overlooking opportunities of iinterest that lie closer at hand.

There’s another approach we could take as well – that of simply being more aware of our current state and the call or appeal of the opportunities that sit directly in front of us.

Those choices are echoed in author Stephen King’s observation that there are two ways to write a book. You either start with your outcome in mind and write in that direction, or you come up with a situation that has tension and see where your imagination takes you. You let the characters respond and the plot unfold. (more…)

Reflection: I’ve long been a fan of Daniel Pink’s work on motivation (and have occasionally featured his ideas in previous Pause messages). So, it was a great thrill for me to meet him and hear him speak when I served as MC for last week’s Saskatchewan Human Resource Association Conference.

It’s not often that you hear an author tell you to skip a chapter in his previous book, because his thinking has changed. But, tell us he did!

If you’re not familiar with Pink’s model of motivation, here’s a recap.

Pink believes that we are intrinsically motivated (from the inside out) by three things:

• Purpose (participating in something meaningful and larger than ourselves)
• Autonomy (being in charge of our choices)
• Mastery (desire to get better at something that matters)

What has he changed his mind about? (more…)

My Thoughts:

A recent weekend was chuck full of responsibilities, errands, duties, tasks, tidying, scrubbing, chores, jobs and more jobs. You name it, we did it! With a full life of your own, I’m sure you know what I mean.

It would have been easy to spend those hours in a state of irritation. I’ve done that in the past.

However, this time around, I decided to switch it up. I held this idea in mind instead: I’m grateful that I have a home to clean, a garden to maintain, and the strength to do both.

Same number of hours – totally different experience! (more…)

Reflection: What role are Teflon and Velcro playing in YOUR life?

Rick Hanson suggests that we add unnecessary stress to our lives by coating ourselves with Teflon for positive experiences and comments. We let the good stuff slide right off and disappear.

At the same time, we cover ourselves with Velcro for negative experiences and comments. We let the negatives sink their hooks into us. That makes it tough to shake them off.

According to Ruth Baczynski you can tell that Velcro is governing your life when you are quick to take offence, feel hurt and withdraw, or get angry and pick a battle.

In her view, we need to be less hyper-reactive – to jump less often to conclusions, to manufacture fewer crises from minor incidents, and stop letting ourselves be hooked by imagined slights.

Action: Pay close attention to your tendency to get hooked. Talk yourself down from those ledges of your own invention. (more…)

My Thoughts:

Nothing marks the passage of time more dramatically than the changing of the seasons. Here on the Canadian prairies, the days are growing shorter, the temperatures are dropping, and the colors are changing.

Why not let the shifting of the season be a catalyst for other changes in your world?

Your Thoughts:

Are there relationships or organizations that have faded in importance and no longer mean as much to you?

Are there tasks that were once a delight that now feel like heavy obligations?

Are there new pursuits calling for your attention – urging you to make time and space for them?

This could be the perfect season to let go of something you’ve outgrown while reaching out for something new. Where could you make changes for the better? How could you let fall lift you up? (more…)

Reflection: Members of a public service group once described to me the impact one of their leaders had on the entire team. This leader was highly unpredictable. One day he would arrive at work – all smiles and sunshine. The next day he would barge through the door with a heart of darkness – tossing glares, mean words and criticisms left and right as he made his way down the hall to his office.

Net result? Members of the team kept their heads down (literally cowering at their desks) until the boss arrived, and they knew which way the wind would blow that day.

I was reminded of this experience when I read Achor and Gielan’s article on Secondhand Stress in Harvard Business Review.

They describe how our brains are wired for emotional contagion. The up side is that this makes us empathetic towards others. However, there is a shadow side. We end up absorbing negative emotions, stress and uncertainty just like second hand smoke.

Being in the presence of someone who is highly stressed and stressful has a negative impact on our own nervous systems. We start pumping high levels of cortisol through our bodies just by virtue of being a bystander to someone else’s stress.

You might have noticed this phenomenon yourself. The challenge is how to deal with it.

Action: Here are three ways to inoculate yourself against second hand stress. (more…)

My Thoughts: “It only takes a spark to get a fire going; and soon all those around will warm up to its glowing.” That’s the opening line of a tune by Kurt Kaiser that may be familiar to many.

Once upon a time, in a life long ago, I adapted those lyrics in the form of a friendship song for a summer camp that I directed. From time to time, that tune still shows up as an earworm in my brain. I don’t mind. The words still ring as true today as they did back then.

When you are excited about something in your world, when you have a light in your eyes and even a most modest fire in your belly, the impact (on you and others around you) is both positive and contagious.

Your Thoughts: What’s lighting up your life these days? And if things are feeling just a tad dark and chilly, where and how might you find a way to strike a spark? (more…)