Appreciation

Reflection & Action: Attention over-extended, over-achievers.

Yeah, you! If you’re the one with the endless list of things to do. The one who always volunteers for that last minute job, chairs the committees, works the extra shifts, hauls the kids, hosts the socials, and generally goes the extra mile!

Yeah, you! If you’re the one who puts yourself at the bottom of those lists in invisible ink. The one who makes sure everybody else leaves on time, remembers their vitamins, books their vacations, and gets those pats on the back.

Might you be feeling just a tad overwhelmed by all you’ve undertaken or a tad under-valued from being taken for granted?

Well, stop right there! It’s time for a glance in the mirror and a heart to heart chat!

Whether you realize it or not, you matter! And not just because of all you do in support of those around you. You matter simply because you are who you are and you’re here. And, by the way, in case you missed the memo – you are enough!

Whether you hear it from others or not – you do make a difference in the lives of those around you. Just don’t be making that contribution from a feeling of lack, an overactive sense of duty, nor at the expense of your own wellbeing! Take care of you, too! Take time to be with you, too.

What to do with this reminder? (more…)

Reflection & Action: There’s nothing like a good question to draw attention to what makes life worthwhile. And, for the record, that question is NOT: “So, are you busy?”

Far too many conversations in our stressed out, revved up world start just that way. We connect with a colleague at work, bump into an old friend at the grocery store, or meet a neighbor on the street. Before we even think about it, we’re automatically asking, “So, are you busy?”

It’s a question that usually generates a lengthy recounting of activities done and undone. Recounting the proverbial to do list seems to be a common way to establish our value and justify our existence on the planet.

Oddly enough, when you ask people to consider what really matters in life, the things that show up most frequently tend not to be the things that populate their to do lists.

What’s most meaningful and energizing relates more to the big picture issues: relationships and adventures, or a deep sense of connectedness and purpose.

If that is where more meaning lives, why not change the focus of our conversations? Why not start asking each other these questions instead: (more…)

Reflection & Action: I’d had a busy couple of weeks with projects, commitments and deadlines on every front. When the calendar cleared one day last week, I decided to pause and step away for a mental wealth day. That’s the kind of day when you focus on making a few sizable deposits in the sanity bank account.

I spent ten minutes in the office, cleared a few urgent messages, put an away message on my phone, and settled in to enjoy the open space.

As the day unfolded, I puttered in the garden, visited on the street with several of the neighbors, lunched in the sun on the back deck, napped in the hammock, chatted by phone with several family members, and enjoyed the fish in the pond and the birds in the trees.

A greeting card from my sister arrived in the mail that morning and set the tone for the day. The front cover featured a figure reclining in a hammock under a palm tree with these words: “Nowhere to go and all day to get there….” That became my mantra for the day!

I love that sentiment, it’s such a contrast to what we are more likely to experience in our everyday lives: “Everywhere to go and no time to get there!”

One of the most popular delusions in today’s world is the belief that we cannot step away from our responsibilities – that without our constant vigilance the world will come to a grinding halt. It just ain’t so! (more…)

Reflection & Action:  It was bright and early Sunday morning, and our then four year old grandson was on the other end of the phone – brimming with enthusiasm and bubbling over with news.

“Guess what I’m having for breakfast? Toast with jam and TWO slices of cheese. Orange and white cheese – marble cheese. Marble, that’s funny! And, Mommy made me a Smoothie, too. It is SO good. And, you know what she bought me yesterday at the grocery store? Cheese strings. THOSE are my favorite. And, I’m watching the Cat In The Hat video. And he’s bouncing on the bed. I like to do that, too. AND, I get to go swimming today! I am having a VERY Lucky Day!”

That nonstop monologue turned MY groggy morning into a very Lucky Day. How can you NOT smile in the face of that kind of exuberance?

Enthusiasm is infectious. And if you have to come down with something, enthusiasm beats other viruses, hands down!

There’s no doubt, as adults, we have serious things to deal with. Yet, there are times when I know I complicate my life more than is necessary. Maybe you do, too. (more…)

My Thoughts:

As I grow older, I seem to become less concerned about knowing how things will end before I commit to a start.

Maybe I’m more confident in my ability to handle whatever comes up.

Or maybe I’ve realized that imagining I control the outcomes is mostly an illusion anyway.

I do know that I’ve been around the block enough times to realize that the sheer act of beginning something new opens doors and invites possibilities that are never apparent when you’re hunkered down on the sidelines wondering, ‘Should I…?’

Your Thoughts:

Are you toying with trying something new? Why not find a low risk way to stand up, step out, and test the waters?

Let yourself be surprised and amazed. And, let me know how it goes!

News Notes:

It’s just over a year since I stood up and stepped out to explore the challenges of mid life malaise. Some of you will remember responding to a survey on that topic in early 2015.

Since then, I’ve used the results of that research to craft a variety of programs on Rekindling Spark – Navigating Mid Life Malaise. Over the last six months, I’ve designed and delivered a Ted Talk, a conference keynote, a follow up breakout session, and a half day seminar.

There’s nothing like stepping out and testing new material to see if it makes a contribution and a difference. And, this most certainly does. (more…)

Reflection: Funny creatures we are – us human beings! Sometimes me thinks we thinks too much! Cogitating on this! Judging that! Setting implausible expectations!

A speaker colleague of mine, Ron Culberson, recently observed in his blog post on significance that he feared his Success Meter was not calibrated properly. (Read more about his observations in today’s Resource of the Week link).

By way of example, he reports feeling like he’s failed if, by end of day, he hasn’t done something that registers somewhere between noteworthy and stupendous. I’ve been there myself. Have you?

Last week I spoke for the Spiritual Care Association of Saskatchewan. This is a group of people who face really tough situations every single day.

They provide support for individuals and their families when the prospects for a long life or a speedy recovery are just not there. It’s emotionally demanding work – often with no practical, tangible way to ‘solve the problem’ or ‘make things right’.

In many of those tough, end-of-life moments, it’s simply their presence that they can offer. There’s nothing to be done except be there and be available. And, you know what? That counts a lot.

Action: Are there days when your expectations take a crazymaking tilt? Are there days when you stomp on yourself for falling short of your aspirations? (more…)

My Thoughts:

We live in a world that promotes accumulation and acquisition at every turn. Surely you must need this, a little more of that, and while you’re at it, a dash of something else?

In our never-ending quest for more, we may be overlooking the value in what’s already present in our lives.

When I get caught up in the hunt, I envision my maternal grandfather, John St Clair Hamilton. He was a man who never tired of a simple cup of tea and a slice of bread with jam. What’s more, he enjoyed it every single day.

Your Thoughts:

What parts of your everyday experience might you be taking for granted?

Experience that abundance more deeply, and you just might keep the ‘Hounds of Lack’ at bay.

News Notes: Link Access Problems?

I do my best to check and double check each URL to make sure they are alive and well. Sometimes I mess up and make a cut and paste error. I appreciate it when readers draw my attention to errant or missing links. So do let me know if you’re having trouble.

In recent weeks, several Pause readers have contacted me indicating they are not able to access some of the web links that are featured in the Pause ezine messages. They are receiving a message that forbids their access.

I’ve checked and all the links have been correct. In these situations, it is most likely that there are settings at the receiving end that prevent access to certain kinds of materials. Banning You Tube videos is a common workplace restriction.

If you have problems, please know that there are a couple of options. One would be to forward the message and/or links to your home computer, and see if you can access from there.

Another option is to visit the Pause Blog on my website at: http://www.pauseworks.com/wp/. All e-zines are also posted to my blog complete with the live links. You may find that accessing a link from the blog works when accessing it from an email message does not.

Hope this helps those of you who may be experiencing these problems.

Today’s Pause message is given over to the collective voice of Pause readers.

You may recall, back in February of 2016, I celebrated 30 years in business. As a way of marking the milestone and expressing my gratitude I invited readers to enter a draw for three give-aways. To enter the draw, Pause readers were asked to share a few lines about something they were grateful for in their own lives.

The responses were amazing and inspiring. I thought you might appreciate them, too. And, so I asked contributors for permission to share their gratitudes with the Pause community.

With thanks for the gift of permission from those who said yes, that collection appears here. I hope you find these reflections as insightful and uplifting as I did. Thanks, Pause Readers. You rock!

Pour yourself a cuppa coffee and dive into this pool of Collective Gratitudes.

***

GF writes: I’m grateful for connection. To those who came before me who held me in their arms. To those I walk beside, with hand folded into hand. To those I break a path for, unknown, imagined, loved.

SM writes: I am grateful for becoming more content and accepting of what I bring and contribute to the world.

JC writes: I am grateful to be alive and healthy.  I am grateful to be a mother, wife, sister and daughter, and I am grateful to have insight to recognize that I do the best I can everyday.

MS writes: I’m thankful for so many things; good health, good friends, a wonderful job and a loving family.  I am also thankful for unanswered prayers as the song goes.  Many times over the course of my life I have tried to head down a particular path because I thought I really wanted or needed to do that; but the universe had other plans for me.  Of course I was disappointed and discouraged because I felt that I had somehow missed a huge opportunity.  In hindsight the direction my life took was exactly right for me.  What I thought I wanted would not have been nearly as fulfilling as where I am now.  In spite of myself, I have ended up exactly where I need to be.

(more…)

Reflection: I recall from my childhood that whenever someone did something my Dad deemed stupid or thoughtless, he’d declare, “That boy oughta have his head examined.”

Flash forward several decades, and lo and behold (love that phrase), having your head examined is a reality. Access to MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) has opened up the whole world of neuroscience.

Now we can see what actually happens in the brain as we experience the ordinary challenges of life. Each day, research sheds more light on mind-body connections.

A collection of findings on the neuroscience of happiness recently caught my eye. It suggests four actions we can take to create a more positive upward spiral of happiness in our lives.

Action: Here they are:

1. Ask yourself what you are grateful for. You don’t even have to find an answer to the question to experience a positive effect. The simple act of searching for something to appreciate has the same impact on the brain as a dose of antidepressant. It boosts the ‘get happy’ neurotransmitters, dopamine and serotonin.

2. Label negative feelings. Use a word or two to give these rumblings of discontent a name. Consciously recognizing negative emotions reduces their physiological impact and calms the mind and body down. It’s far healthier than trying to suppress them or pretend they don’t exist.

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Reflection: When my dear Aunt Eileen moved from her large home in Edmonton into a small assisted living apartment here in Saskatoon, I took her a small bouquet of flowers – just a couple of blossoms in a tiny glass vase.

She loved that vase and it held a place of honor on the coffee table in her new living room.

On my regular visits I brought fresh blossoms to replace the ones that were past their prime.

That vase and its flowers were a Small Treasure that delivered a Simple Pleasure.

I learned the value of small but wonderful from my parents. Each year my father made a pilgrimage to the patch of prairie where he knew the first blooms of spring would appear. Each year he placed a small bowl of fuzzy purple crocuses on the kitchen table – a gift to Mom from Dad and Mother Nature.

As spring turned into summer, and the flowers in the garden burst into bloom, my mother regularly harvested handfuls of blossoms (nasturtiums, calendula, poppies, pansies).

She placed these nosegays and posies in small vases scattered on counters, shelves and window ledges throughout the house. More small treasures that delivered simple pleasure!

(more…)