Appreciation

Reflection: 

How do you typically respond when someone shares good news with you?

Suppose a colleague or friend shares news about their awesome summer road trip. Which of these responses are you most likely to choose?

1. Say “Hmph!” and turn away.
2. Say “ Gee that sounds like way too much time at the wheel, cooped up in a car with the kids. I bet it was exhausting, putting on all those miles!” while frowning and shaking your head.
3. Say “Heh, good for you!” showing little or no emotion.
4. Say “I’m delighted your vacation went so well. I know how much you were looking forward to it. Let’s have lunch so you can fill me in on the details!” while smiling and maintaining eye contact.

All the responses have positive or negative consequences for your relationship, and option 4 stands the best chance of building it up.

In her research on relationships, Shelley Gable from the University of California, has learned that the quality of your reaction can make a huge difference and contribute directly to either strengthening or diminishing the relationship. She describes four categories of replies. (more…)

Love this observation by Dewitt Jones about the visual gifts life is presenting him with as a photographer. I think it applies to life in general:

“I don’t have to know. Something is happening and I’m having too much fun following it. I’ll just try and show up every day with all my receptors open. No brakes. No judgments. I don’t want to miss any of the gifts.”

You can read the entire article online in Outdoor Photographer.

Reflection: We’re back from my 60^th Birthday Voyage. Our adventures took us from an overwater bungalow in Tahiti, to a South Seas cruise through French Polynesia, across the high seas to stops on four Hawaiian islands, then across the rest of the Pacific to spend a few days in San Francisco and the Napa Valley. It ended with a birthday party back here in our garden in Saskatoon.

It was a relaxing journey (ten days completely at sea will do that) with a few adventurous forays including: kayaking up the Faaroa River in Raiatea, snorkeling with the sharks and stingrays in Moorea, and diving to the sea floor in an Atlantis submarine off Kona.

I enjoyed the time away, AND I’m happy to be in your company once again. I hope that the month of May has treated you all very well.

The arrow of appreciation flies both ways. It’s a lesson in gratitude that revealed itself twice during our recent travels.

#1: During our stop on Oahu, a local hula dance troop, consisting mostly of youngsters (perhaps 6-10 years of age) danced and entertained on board ship. If you’ve ever been at a grade school concert, you know how charming those young’uns can be. This group was all that and more.

Of course, they got a standing ovation from the crowd at the end of their program. But they didn’t let things end there. As their troop leader commented on how much they appreciated the opportunity to perform for us, these young dancers moved through the lounge shaking hands with members of the audience, offering their personal thanks for being given the opportunity to share what they love to do. (more…)

Reflection: If you’ve ever tried to change the culture or direction of a group, you’ll know how tough it can be to get everyone on board – rowing, driving, marching (pick your metaphor) in the same direction.

A few years ago, as president of a national association, I found myself repeatedly attempting to convince a couple of naysayers that the direction the Board had chosen was one of value and the ‘right’ way to go. The options had been debated, the decision had been made, and the train had left the station. However, I was still stuck at the rear urging a couple of reluctant individuals to jump on board.

I was fortunate enough to be counseled by a colleague experienced in the ways of change, who advised, “Pat, move on and move forward. We don’t need everybody. We just need enough.”

Those words rang true at the time, and I often call them to mind. Just last week, in a professional development session I delivered on Building An Appreciative Culture, an attendee asked, “How can we convince the lone wolf naysayers and grumps that it’s better to strike a more positive tone?” I found myself echoing my colleague’s advice, “Move on and move forward. We don’t need everybody. We just need enough!”

Now, sometimes there are legitimate concerns. And, sometimes there are other issues to work on or other directions to consider. And, sometimes, people are, at heart, all right with heading in the same direction; they just want to take a different route to get there. Things aren’t always black and white.

That said, there does come a point where it is simply time to get on with things. (more…)

REFLECTION: Ever notice how common is the tendency to share the glory when things go right, but how rare the tendency to shoulder responsibility when things go wrong? This inclination makes me think of the refrain in a very old ‘Horse and Carriage’ tune that says: ‘You can’t have one without the other.”

Maybe you’ve had a few experiences like these over the years:

* A ‘complaining’ friend or colleague regularly rains doom and gloom and pours bad news into every conversation.

* A relationship grows  tangled – caught up in hasty communication, missed cues, and unfulfilled promises.

* An employee or colleague struggles to meet expectations and deliver on commitments.

It’s oh so easy to point fingers in any direction other than our own. It’s much tougher to contemplate that we somehow might have contributed to the outcome – for better or for worse.

ACTION: Relationships and results usually live somewhere between us – as a shared responsibility. When we see them this way, we are far more likely to look at situations through a ‘reverse lens’ and ask ourselves questions like these: (more…)

REFLECTION: It’s bright and early Sunday morning, and four year old grandson is on the other end of the phone – brimming with enthusiasm and bubbling over with news.

“Guess what I’m having for breakfast? Toast with jam and TWO slices of cheese. Orange and white cheese – marble cheese. Marble, that’s funny! And, Mommy made me a Smoothie, too. It is SO good. And, you know what she bought yesterday at the grocery store? Cheese strings. THOSE are my favorite. And, I’m watching the Cat In The Hat video. And he’s bouncing on the bed. I like to do that, too. AND, I get to go swimming today! Budda (that’s what he calls me), I am having a VERY Lucky Day!”

That nonstop monologue turned MY groggy morning into a very Lucky Day. How can you NOT smile in the face of that kind of exuberance?

Enthusiasm is infectious. And if you have to come down with something, enthusiasm beats other viruses, hands down!

There’s no doubt, as adults, we have serious things to deal with. Yet, there are times when I know I complicate my life more than is necessary. Maybe you do, too.

What a wonderful insight from the realm of childhood – to be reminded that it is possible to light your fire with things as simple as a tasty morsel, a thoughtful gift, and an activity that is calling your name.

ACTION: What would it take for you to declare today a Lucky Day? (more…)

REFLECTION: Few of us would borrow money unless we had to. So, it’s one of life’s great puzzles, that so many of us insist on borrowing trouble.

So far in Saskatchewan, it’s been an awesomely mild winter. Instead of enjoying the sunshine and mild temperatures, I hear people warning, “March and April are going to be a kicker – cold and miserable! Just wait and see. We’ll pay for this later!”

An item someone’s been longing to purchase goes on sale. Instead of joyously heading to the shop to pick it up, I hear that person predicting, ‘They’ll probably be all out of them by the time I get there!”

Employees respond to the announcement of a change in a process at work as if the devil himself had crafted a dastardly plan to max out the daily quota of torment and tedium.

Well … maybe March will blow like a blizzard from one end to the other. Maybe the longed for item will be out of stock. Maybe the new process will end up being as cumbersome as predicted. If so, we’ll deal with it!

Or … maybe March will be every bit as mild as the winter so far. Or, maybe the shop will have the item in stock, in the right color and size, with an additional 10% Wednesday only in-store discount. Or, maybe the change in workplace process will end up saving tons of time and energy – and turn out to be the best thing ever. If so, we’ll deal with that, too.

I know, I know…if you don’t get your hopes up you won’t be disappointed! Still, dragging a wet blanket and a storm cloud everywhere we go makes the journey tougher and darker than it needs to be. Must dodging a bullet of disappointment be the only route to happiness? (more…)

As February unfolds I will be giving away 29 copies of Press Pause…Think Again. One book a day. These books will go to people YOU want to inspire and encourage.

You probably know that February is heart month. It’s not only a time for people to tend to their physical heart health, it’s a time for us to tend to the emotional heart health of those we care about. I want to help you with that cause. Here’s how it works.

Think of someone in your circle of acquaintance who may be struggling or disheartened – someone who could use a little more balance, perspective or appreciation in their everyday life at work or at home. Email me that person’s name and postal address along with a thought or two about why they could use a lift and a gift. Put these words, 29 Gifts, in the Subject line. You can find my email address in the Contact Us area of the Pauseworks Website Home Page.

Each day I will draw the name of one lucky recipient from the entries received. When your nominee is chosen, I will mail your honoree a personalized complimentary copy of Press Pause…Think Again as a gift in your name – and let you know it’s on its way.

Send as many entries as you wish. All entries received will be included in the draw bucket right through to the end of the month.

I’m excited to be helping you help others to ‘Press Pause…Think Again’. A Happy Heartfelt February to you all.

REFLECTION: Noting any burnout in your workplace or yourself? I’ve been dipping into a bit of recent research on burnout that suggests this phenomenon is not just a one trick pony – that there are at least three different forms that burnout takes.

The shorthand descriptions look like this. The Frenetic push hard and wear down. The Underchallenged grow bored and go numb. The Worn Out become discouraged and give up. Here’s a profile for each.

Frenetic folks are challenged by high expectations and limited resources – ambitious by nature. Those who respond in this way keep pushing themselves and others harder – redoubling efforts, refusing to acknowledge failure or limitations, neglecting health and personal lives, growing more anxious and irritable as time goes by. Recognize anyone like this?

Finding the work to be less than challenging, and experiencing very little personal growth or professional development because of it, the Underchallenged end up simply going through the motions. They don’t feel overburdened, just empty, and devoid of enthusiasm. Recognize anyone like this?

Noting a huge gap between effort invested and rewards received, and sensing they have little control or influence over the situation, the Worn Out back off on effort to match the disappointing level of reward. They believe that what they do doesn’t make much of a difference, and may appear apathetic and cynical. Recognize anyone like this? (more…)

REFLECTION:  In the last few weeks, the media has been very generous with coverage of my latest book, Press Pause…Think Again. A couple of morning TV shows, and several newspapers ran features. Many clients, colleagues and friends sent along their congrats.

However, one of the most treasured comments came from my Mom, who by phone and via Facebook made a point of saying, “We’re proud of you.” Even after all these years, hearing those words from one of my parents still has a profoundly uplifting effect on me.

I’d hazard a guess that appreciative comments have a positive effect on you, too. Especially so, when they come from someone whose opinion you value.

There is something validating and uplifting about others taking an interest in what is happening in your world, shining a little light in your direction, and taking the time to let you know you’re on their radar.

Research supports the positive impact of showing an interest in others and expressing appreciation. (more…)